How to defend yourself against toxic relatives?

It is very difficult to cut ties with the family. We share the same blood, and relationships are often complicated. If you don’t want your family to manipulate you, stand up for yourself, and set your limits.

We all have toxic relatives in our environment. People who think only of themselves, who manipulate us, who play with our emotions.

The situation is all the more complicated as we share close ties with them. In this situation, what can we do?

Toxic relatives, or when the family suffocates us

Even the experts say it, having toxic loved ones in our personal circle can seriously affect our quality of life.

If, for example, we have a manipulative friend with selfish tendencies, it is quite easy to sever the bonds of friendship that unite us to look for better elsewhere. To find a necessary balance and a certain integrity.

But, when the manipulator is our mother, our brother, or our husband, what to do? They are two very different things and we can all understand that.

We cannot cut ties that easily with a brother, a mother, or in-laws. Many people have ended up doing it to preserve themselves.

But there are times when family bonds grow closer when these toxic loved ones seriously interfere with our own emotional balance.

A simple example of this occurs when parents do not allow their children to freely choose their romantic partner. Or they criticize their friendships and relationships.

Anyone can be wrong, but in no case can they forbid us these things or sanction us.

Some brothers and sisters, some cousins ​​sometimes continue to demand things. They throw things in our face that hurt us, that hurt us.

What can we do? How to act? We give you the keys

1. Set limits, know what you can’t allow

We will see the first example. You go to your partner’s parents, and they have prepared a very spicy dish for you.

You don’t like hot food. You don’t like her at all. But in order not to attract attention or to hurt anyone, you keep silent and eat the dish.

From then on, every time you go to your in-laws, they will give you the same kind of food, and you have only one solution. Say out loud that you don’t like spicy food.

They are likely to answer you, “Why didn’t you say that before?” “.

It was a simple enough example to understand that we should always let others know what we accept, and what we cannot accept.

You can’t take your mom or sister to go shopping every day, so tell them. If you don’t like them telling you how to educate your children, tell them too.

To avoid being manipulated by your toxic loved ones, defend yourself, and set limits.  Raise your voice to be heard, without accusing. To defend yourself without attacking.

Always speak with respect and kindness. You don’t want to break ties but just let others know who you are, and what you want. It is not to be selfish, but to be sincere.

2. Learn to say things without condescension

Sometimes, wanting too much not to hurt our families we keep all our thoughts to ourselves. Parents and grandparents complain about being alone when in reality we are going to see them as soon as we can.

The brethren who reproach us for not supporting them the way we should. You just have to act with aplomb, but with respect and kindness to tell them the truth. 

“I come as soon as I can and you know if you need anything I’m here.”

“You know I have always supported you but don’t ask me things that I can’t do. I too am in a difficult situation, and you must try to understand me ”.

Always show your sincerity, show that you are there. But say out loud the truth that you are thinking and need to tell. Let those around you know what you can do and what you cannot do.

Emphasize that you have needs too, which must be met.

3. Unconditionally support your family but keep your integrity

Family always comes first. We know it. But, if it is the most important thing in our life, and it sometimes hurts us, we must know how to protect ourselves from the damage it can do to our existence.

Some people suffered from abuse and mistreatment during their childhood. Maintaining a family relationship with those responsible for it will never be possible, and this must be clear.

The main thing is to always pay attention to your self-esteem, to always be a mature, balanced person who needs to be happy every day.

Do not hesitate to put some distance

If you have toxic loved ones in your family, your best bet is to distance yourself and move away to regain our integrity and tranquility.  

We all know that family relationships are never easy, but we must all try to bring harmony to them.

If there is significant manipulation or outrageous selfishness on the part of some family members, this should be treated with as much justice as possible. What is right is respecting everyone’s space, so that everyone is happy and to avoid more conflicts.

We all know that the family is an essential part of who we are, our identity, our roots, but if those roots are too thorny, and only cause us suffering, we must move away from them.

Defend yourself. Take care. Always say what you can accept and what you cannot tolerate. Love yours, but above all, love yourself.