Also called “dressing relationship”, the tampon relationship concerns many couples and is often a source of suffering. Many people use this type of relationship to cope with a painful breakup. How can we get out of it?
What is a buffer relationship?
It is quite simple to define a buffer relationship. But it is much more difficult to analyze it. The dressing relationship is a relationship that occurs after a breakup. A few days, weeks or months after the breakup, while it is still not digested, we embark on a new relationship without having taken the time to mourn our previous story.
People who rush into this new relationship often show tremendous optimism and give everything. They sometimes tend to exaggerate it. Others, on the contrary, find it more difficult to visualize a common future with their new partner and find it difficult to project themselves. This relationship often tends to go too fast. And yet, there is nothing simple about it since it can be temporary or, on the contrary, transform into a real relationship.
The Causes of a Dressing Relationship
Going from a couple life to loneliness can be a difficult ordeal. In this context, our benchmarks are upset, our habits are completely turned upside down and we lack affection. But one can also very badly live the loss of the other, as well as his absence. In a breakup, it is not uncommon that love is still present, and it is therefore all the harder to accept. Sometimes it takes a long time to forget someone you love, or have loved.
Faced with these difficulties, some choose to meet new people. In our time, there is no shortage of resources and communication is almost constant. This is how you start dating other people, going out, having fun. And some start a new relationship soon after a breakup that they have not yet digested. This is how you enter a buffer relationship, or that you can also become that of another person. In both cases, one can quickly suffer from the situation.
Risks related to a buffer relationship
Being in a dressing relationship can have some benefits following a separation. It is not uncommon to ruminate after a breakup and we ask ourselves a lot of questions. A new relationship is a good way to regain confidence and refresh your mind. But there are also disadvantages and risks.
Indeed, being the victim of a buffer relationship is never pleasant, especially if our feelings develop. In this type of relationship, many do not fall in love, but some do not escape it. The risk is then to suffer or to make the other suffer. It is never possible to anticipate the evolution of everyone’s feelings. The impression of being “used” in a dressing relationship can also be very painful.
Another risk lies in the motivation to join a couple. Some people quickly start a relationship after a breakup to make their ex-partner suffer, take revenge, or try to win him back. For the other person, it can be a very unhealthy game and more often than not, everyone suffers. Finally, it is also possible to fall in love (or in love) during this rebound relationship, without these feelings being ultimately reciprocal.
The signs that we are in a buffer relationship
It is not always easy to see that one is in a dressing relationship. Our partner can be this “buffer” person, or we can also be his. There are two possibilities: you start a buffer relationship following a breakup (desired or not), or you are another person’s buffer relationship.
If you do not attach importance to your common future, and find it difficult to plan with your new (or new) partner, it is possible that this is a sign that the wounds of your old story are still open. The fact is that it is difficult to establish yourself when you are still in love with another person. You may also be aware that your feelings are not in love. On the other hand, you may have doubts about your partner’s feelings, especially if you understand that he or she is still feeling something for their ex-partner.
How to get out of a buffer relationship?
The best way to avoid this type of potentially toxic relationship is to not be tempted. A dressing relationship is rarely healthy and most often leads to pain or pain. It is most often necessary to get out of it to hope to start a solid romantic relationship. But how?
End the dressing relationship
This solution is delicate. It is never easy to break up with someone. But if you don’t like the person you started a relationship with, then being honest will get you going. Especially since this person certainly feels a deep affection for you, when you are unable to develop your feelings. If you still have your ex-spouse in mind, then this relationship is doomed to failure. And the longer you wait, the more you risk making your partner suffer. You will, therefore, have to take matters into your own hands and announce the end of your relationship. Take your time and explain the situation to him.
The same is true if you understand that you are making up the man or woman dressing of another person. Do not give your feelings time to develop if you understand that your partner does not expect anything from your common future, or that he or she has feelings for his ex-spouse. You risk suffering and leaving injured from this situation. Explain that this relationship is not healthy, and that your feelings are clearly not mutual.
Transform a dressing relationship into a solid relationship
In some cases, a dressing relationship becomes a solid relationship. This is the case if the partners fall in love with each other, and they manage to forget their previous relationships. This transformation is possible over time and with confidence. If you have started this dressing relationship knowingly, it may be wise to explain it to your partner, especially if the relationship becomes serious. You will be honest and generate a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. And you certainly expect the same from your partner.
Time is an essential concept in every relationship. Don’t be too acquired from the start. Do not put pressure on your partner either, and allow time to continue while maintaining the seduction phase for a sufficiently long period. Learn to discover each other, as at the beginning of each lasting romantic relationship.
When you have managed to get out of the dressing relationship that you have provoked or of which you are a victim, you will have to take back your life in hand. Take your time before embarking on a new relationship. After a breakup, it is essential to meet to rebuild. Living alone also allows you to enjoy celibacy and take time for yourself in order to heal from your previous history.
Define your priorities and take your time
If you are entering a dressing relationship and are both aware of it, make it clear. Be transparent about your intentions and expectations. No one will be surprised when the separation takes place. And do not promise anything, especially if you still feel weakened by your breakup. Assume your position and be clear that you want to enjoy life.
Pay attention to the first signs of a couple relationship. Ask yourself questions when this beginning of a relationship seems too quick or serious, but also if your partner is jealous. Put some distance before it is too late. Finally, you can only start a new healthy relationship if you are certain that everything is finally over with your ex-partner. From then on, you can fully dedicate yourself to this new life!
Dressing relationship can be healthy
The buffer relationship can be healthy and provide a good experience in two cases. You can immerse yourself serenely in this new relationship (even if it is temporary) if you lay down the rules from the start: no promises, no commitments. Similarly, do not hesitate to get started if you are absolutely sure that you will never go back to your old relationship. Thus, the dressing relationship can help you forget the past and move on without suffering or making you suffer.
It is rarely good to get into a buffer relationship. Some people manage to get rid of it easily, but others can still suffer from it, whether or not it is the cause. The best is still to avoid them, or to lay the foundations together, from the start. If you are not yet completely healed from your previous relationship, the risk of starting a buffer relationship is very important.