You have divorced and you find yourself alone after a long period of married life. Your existence is turned upside down, you will have to rebuild your life on new bases.
This situation can be frightening and you can feel helpless, helpless. Fortunately, there are solutions and ways to deal with this challenge. Read our tips and our seven-step plan to rebuild your life after divorce.
Step 1: Grieve Your Relationship
Your divorce is going to put you in a state of depression. It’s a perfectly natural reaction, one of the stages in mourning the loss of your marriage. Your life is turned upside down, and divorce is one of the main causes of stress. Rest assured, this suffering will be temporary.
It will last from a few weeks to a few months. To get out of it as quickly as possible, allow yourself to experience all the emotions that this divorce will provoke: grief, anger, anxiety, guilt, resentment … Do not force yourself to be strong, on the contrary, it is by fully feeling the pain that you will be able to let go of, not by covering it up or denying it. During this sentence, do not blame yourself if you are not ready for daily tasks, it is normal, you are depressed. Take care, delegate, get help. If your budget allows it, do not hesitate to call on the services of a therapist or a coach to accompany you in this ordeal.
Keep a journal to evacuate your moods. During this stage, avoid making important decisions that risk disrupting your life (moving, new job, etc.): you are not in a psychological state conducive to making the most enlightened decisions. You might be influenced by your grief.
Step 2: Turn the page to rebuild your life after divorce
Once you have gone through all the emotions necessary for grieving, you can now move on for good. Make a clean sweep of the past. Separate yourself from things that belonged to your ex if there are any in your home. They could indeed bring back unwelcome memories, whether they are good or bad (because good memories could make you doubt the merits of the divorce and give you regrets). Be careful, however, not to throw away your wedding photos and your snapshots with your ex: your children (if you have any) will be happy to keep them.
And why not organize a Divorce Party? According to some psychologists and lawyers, a “freedom fest” or a “bachelor party” would have cathartic virtues and help bounce back after a divorce. Indeed, the Divorce Party acts as a ritual, a rite of passage to celebrate his regained freedom.
The Divorce Party is also an opportunity to thank the loved ones who have supported you during your divorce and to start your new life. It could be an evening, a dinner with friends, a cocooning afternoon at the spa, a relaxing weekend… anything is possible. It is not a question of a revanchist, trashy, or bad taste party, but of an event to celebrate the reconquest of his life.
Step 3: Take care of yourself
Who says new start says end of bad habits! While the first step allowed us to mourn our fate and cry our heart out, the time has come to take charge and give ourselves the means to succeed. And it starts with a healthy lifestyle, good resolutions, and good habits.
We pay attention to our diet and health. We take care of ourselves, we pamper ourselves, we pamper ourselves, we have fun. Anything that can boost your ego and boost you is okay to take. Going to the hairdresser, getting a makeover, getting into a sport, going on a diet… it’s up to you to see what is best suited to your situation and your personality.
Step 4: Do new activities
Now that you’re single, you can focus on yourself. Get to know yourself and get to know each other and how to spend some time alone. Be a good companion for you. It is very important to know how to be fulfilled on your own before getting into a relationship. This is one of the keys to the success of a relationship.
Otherwise, you will be placing unreasonable expectations on your relationship and asking your partner to “fix” you. Indulge your passions, embark on new activities. Get out of your comfort zone and out of your habits. (note: it takes 21 days to integrate a new habit so hang in there!)
Step 5: Take stock
More generally, this is the time to take stock of what you want in life in all areas. What are your personal, professional, family goals? How do you see yourself in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? By taking stock of your life, you may realize that you no longer like your work, that you would like to change your living environment …
Step 6: Start new projects
This is the corollary of the previous step. After you have defined your life goals, establish an action plan to achieve them. Making new projects is a great way to move forward. It gives us a goal, a path, a direction. Set up a business in a field that fascinates you? Are you getting started in buying a home? Take a big trip? Why not?
Step 7: Meet people
Many people believe that meeting new people is the first step in a life-rebuilding program, but they are wrong. It is not advisable to start a romantic relationship immediately after a divorce. Why? Because this rushed relationship will be at best a “band-aid relationship”, the goal of which is to rebuild itself, and not a relationship based on something deep and lasting. Here, we recommend the opposite: to form a couple only when you have regained self-confidence, that you are no longer in “desperate” mode but that you have found dynamism, motivation, desire.
How to meet people? By leaving home and multiplying activities conducive to social interactions: parties, Beach, Gym or neighborhood parties, etc. If you have respected step 4, you should know new people since your divorce, through associations, groups practicing the same hobby … Be on the lookout and open yourself to any opportunity.
There are dating sites dedicated to divorced people and original means of dating such as trips for singles. Be on the cleat but not too “pushy” in this quest for love, it scares people away. Don’t obsess over it. Love will come when you let go and embrace life with a smile.