Trying to please everyone around us is a mistake that leads to unhappiness. It is important to be yourself, to maintain good self-esteem and to put people who really enrich us first.
“I haven’t changed, I have come to a point in my life where I want to give each person the value they really deserve”. If at some point in your life you feel this need, you shouldn’t feel guilty: prioritizing is a basic way to find balance, happiness.
In our thirst to please everyone and to treat the people around us well, we do not always have the capacity or the courage to “stop nourishing” certain bonds which, far from enriching us, make us feel good. wrong.
According to a study conducted by the University of Claremont, in the United States, acting in accordance with our values and feeling trust in the people around us is a way to increase our oxytocin levels and therefore, to be happy.
It is ultimately about doing what we feel and acting in accordance with our own scale of values. “I haven’t changed, if I tell you that I don’t want to do this, it’s because today, it goes against my principles”.
We invite you to reflect on these questions.
I haven’t changed, I’m true to my values
The key to happiness is not in the accumulation of wealth or in the number of friends. It is not about accumulating people, or being proud of the thousands of likes that we have on our photos on social networks.
It is about “having people who are of value”. Figures that allow us to be ourselves at all times. And without needing to do or say things we don’t feel. And we know that is not easy to obtain.
We live in a society governed by appearances and the need to please everyone
We should never forget this: ” Who is obsessed with pleasing everyone around him gets nothing but bad luck.”
- We’ve all gone through times when we need recognition. Adolescents try to be accepted by their peer group in order to feel included. Later, when we are adults, we also seek the same to be loved by our spouse.
- Who seeks to be loved by others forgets to love himself.
- You just need to maintain an appropriate balance in your daily life. You must not let go or put limits at each moment, it is about knowing how to live with respect, both for yourself and for others.
- If in those closest to you, you feel the need to do things that don’t respect your values or what you feel, maybe it’s time to change the scene. This situation maintained over time can then generate a crisis of identity and self-esteem.
I won’t let anyone change me: I love myself as I am
Getting to where you’ve been so far has cost you a lot. Rewarding efforts, renouncements, and discoveries. Our personality has a small genetic component, a lot of experiences, and the value we place on it.
It’s a long road where every aspect counts. Where above all, we have acquired a system of values, beliefs, and attitudes that we should not give up, for nothing or anyone. To do so would mean ceasing to be ourselves.
- It is possible that you start a relationship and at some point, you find that it is not for you, that you are not happy. Most likely, the other person will tell you that you have changed overnight. And what you used to like no longer pleases you.
- Don’t be swayed by this type of criticism. In reality, no one changes from day to day. What is happening is that other people haven’t taken the time to really get to know us. I give everyone the value they deserve
Self-esteem, a positive value
The most important thing is to maintain good self-esteem and a positive value system. Being in a relationship, and living with others forces us in many cases to give in to specific things. However, this “session” should be seen as part of a change where everyone wins and no one loses.
- To be in a relationship, to be a mother, son, brother or friend, you have to know how to listen and establish reciprocity.
- No need to agree on everything, no need to share the same hobbies, tastes or desires. The main thing is to have the same scale of value.
- Never change aspects of your personality or interests to please or disappoint others. Being how others expect us to be is a personal dissonance that only leads to unhappiness.
Know that in order not to give in, not to let yourself be controlled by others, it is necessary to know yourself well.
Remember your limits and how far you can go without losing your self-esteem. Take this into account!