Romantic love: what is it and why does it confuse us so often?

When we think of romantic love we get the idea of ​​the rush of emotions typical of adolescents, with anticipatory nerves before a possible meeting and the obsession to be with the person that awakens all those sensations.

Wrongly, it is what many consider the type of self-love of the youngest and what some use to designate dry love, believing that it is something that varies throughout our lives until the passion is left out of the relationship scene. of mature couple.

But nothing could be further from the truth, and that is that there are different types of love that do not understand their ages; They are only differentiated by the type of elements involved in each relationship. And in the present case, love is a cocktail of passion and intimacy suitable for all audiences.

What is romantic love?

By definition, romantic love arises from the combination of the intimacy created between these two people with the passion that arises, as a spontaneous ignition, between those who feel both physical and emotional attraction.

However, of the components that can be part of the different types of love, in romantic love commitment is the great absence, although this does not weaken the type of bond that may have arisen between these two people.

We could say that it is the kind of relationship represented by Romeo and Juliet, or taking it to the present day, the same one that unites two lovers who maintain a relationship in which there are no joint future plans, only a passionate intimacy based on today and today. now.

How is it different from other types of love?

As we have already commented in the previous section, what determines that love is of one type or another are the components that are part of the relationship in question.

For example, romantic love differs from fatuous in that in the latter, intimacy (that trust between the two that allows openness between them) is the absent element, either because the relationship has been established in that way between the two or because the couple has been formed too hastily, and from the passionate phase at the beginning, they have made the leap into commitment, when there has not yet been an opportunity to become intimate.

If we compare it with sociable or partner love, we would have to imagine a romantic love in which there is no passion but there is a commitment built on the basis of the trust that intimacy provides.

And if we think of consummate love, the most complete and to which most people aspire, it would be about making the type of love that concerns us evolve, but to which we only need to add commitment. In some cases, it is usually the natural evolution of many relationships.

Myths that we must dismantle

This type of love is so desired and feeling the bath of its emotions is such an incredible experience that certain myths are born from its idealization that will hurt us if we believe them:

1. Love equals infatuation

There are people for whom talking about being in love is synonymous with feeling romantic love, and they are usually the same people who consider that love has ended when the passion in the couple disappears (or lessens).

It would not be bad to remember that falling in love is a common transitory phase at the beginning of all love stories, characterized by great attraction

2. The love that can do everything

“If he really loves me, he will change for me” or “In the end, love always triumphs” are two variations of the same: believing that romantic love can do everything. And we regret to say that this is not the case.

Those series based on the innumerable difficulties that two people must overcome in order to together do us a disservice, because without realizing it they inoculate us with unrealistic ideas about couple relationships: on the one hand, that only if it is difficult is it worth it. person, and another, that love can do everything.

In the end, we find ourselves as a result understanding the most toxic relationships as a reference of love and we wait indefinitely for the surprise ending in which everything is fixed as if by magic. We insist this is not going like this.

3. Eternal passion

Believing that when romantic love is the common thread between two people who love each other, it is a symptom that everything will continue to be so intense and passionate, is a belief that is as common in many beginnings as it is wrong.

The initial passion is like the force of the combustion of a fire; first, it responds with the most vivid and powerful flames to gradually transform into something capable of staying constant over time while continuing to give heat.

Taking into account the reality of this factor beforehand avoids unnecessary cheating and you can enjoy a quality relationship with your partner.

4. Marriage is a natural consequence of this type of love

Elements with very different natures are mixed; Passion, something so typical in its most intense form in the beginning and with the ability to easily generate engagement despite the fact that little by little it will diminish until it stabilizes at more normal levels, and commitment, a pact of involvement and fidelity that intends to last indefinitely between the two parties.

There are cases in which romantic love leads two people to marriage (or a stable relationship) and they manage to remain happy over the years, but it is not something mathematical nor is it a majority.

5. Half an orange

It is so common to hear about finding your better half that we do not even consider the connotation that is given to the relationship with this type of attribution.

And it is that without realizing it, we tend to believe that we are incomplete people whose only option to be self-sufficient, competent, and happy is to find that other person with whom we feel full.

And that is the mistake and the trap because it actually generates a type of link in which mutual dependence is the real link between the two. Whereas when romantic love occurs between two complete people, 1 + 1 probably adds up to much more than two.

6. Jealousy as a symptom of love

No, no matter how you look at it, jealousy is not indicative of feeling love for your partner. Jealousy has to do with insecurities that can be aroused in one of the two members (or both) with a certain inferiority complex.

And this is a dangerous point since in the name of the love that is felt, manifested in this way in the form of jealousy, a series of violent behaviors caused by these situations could try to justify itself.

The fine line that separates romantic infatuation from gender-based violence is so subtle at times that it affects the natural way in which healthy relationships develop and build. Therefore, it is better to end this common myth before it can take its toll on those who believe that jealousy is a symptom of romantic love.