I decided to give you a present. Here is the article “those fears that prevent you from having a relationship at the top”. Enjoy your gift and good reading
1) Why am I talking about a gift?
I advise you to put a lot of value on this article because it will be very rich.
Indeed, I noted the 16 fears that returned most often to my coaches and I decided to offer you dozens of questions that I ask in coaching.
This will allow you to move forward on your blockages. You will get closer, a little more, to RELATION TO THE TOP.
It will then be up to you to put actions in place, thinking about the solutions. If it is complicated for you, I am at your disposal.
This article is for all women who want a TOP RELATIONSHIP.
Some fears will be more for single women and other fears for women in couples.
There are not really any rules since some of these fears that prevent you from having a great relationship, can concern single women and women in couples.
If you recognize yourself in one or more of these fears, I suggest you stop reading and answer the questions as you go.
2) Purpose of this article
The objective of this article is to allow you to get closer to RELATION TO THE TOP.
Don’t feel guilty. Be kind and sincere to yourself. The more sincere you are, the more you can move towards RELATION TO THE TOP.
To make it easier for you to read, and to save you time, I have chosen to develop one fear per game.
You can easily find the fears that interest you the most.
3) Summary of these fears that prevent you from having a top relationship
- Fear of rejection
- Afraid to open up
- Afraid to couple
- Fear of losing my independence
- Fear of not being understood
- Fear of suffering
- Fear of routine
- Fear of betrayal
- Fear of failure
- Fear of doing wrong
- Fear of making the same mistakes again
- Fear of hurting
- Fear of disappointing
- Fear of conflict
- Fear of not meeting expectations
- Fear of living alone
4) I’m afraid of rejection
What is rejection for you?
Have you ever been rejected?
Does being rejected one or more times mean that this result will happen every time?
Do you have all the power on being rejected or not?
Who do you think is rejected: You? Or your ideas, your behaviors?
Suppose someone has already rejected you, what have been the benefits of this rejection for you?
What did you learn when this person rejected you?
Do you think it is possible to please everyone?
What are the disadvantages of pleasing everyone?
Isn’t being rejected the opportunity to give way to people who appreciate you for what you are?
Do you prefer to be rejected for what you are or loved by being another person?
5) I’m afraid to open up
What does “open up” mean to you?
When do you think it should open?
Open, is it done gradually or all at once?
Have you ever managed to open yourself to a minimum? If yes, how did you do it? You already have, you could do it again, right?
If you have already managed to open up, what made you want to do it? (I suggest you find things that depend on you)
What can be very serious if you decide to open up? Is it really serious? Very serious ?
What are the benefits for you of opening up? And for your partner?
Can a top relationship develop if you don’t open up?
6) I’m afraid of joining a couple
I know that some of the fears on the list may explain your fear of becoming a couple.
And you, what are you afraid of?
Have you ever been in a relationship? If so, what made you want to do it? (I suggest you find things that depend on you)
What can happen very serious if you start a couple? Is it really serious? Very serious ?
Do you really have to consider yourself as a couple from the start of the relationship?
What do you think are the benefits of being in a relationship?
Does joining a couple necessarily mean a loss of freedom?
Does joining a couple necessarily mean living together for a lifetime?
7) I’m afraid of losing my independence
Are you sure you will lose your independence by joining a couple?
Wouldn’t it be possible to find solutions with your partner?
Do you think that in couples that last, the partners have lost their independence?
8) I’m afraid of not being understood
Are you sure you are not understood?
Not being understood, is it serious? very serious ?
Imagine that your partner does not understand you, is this necessarily your responsibility?
What could make your partner not understand you? Does it depend on you?
And if your partner does not understand what you are saying, you can discuss it, right?
And if your partner does not understand your choices, you can also discuss them, right?
Is it possible to be understood by everyone?
Imagine that you express yourself in an excellent way, are you sure that everyone understands you? (You may already be expressing yourself excellently but we can always improve)
Do you understand everyone?
Does understanding someone mean understanding them every time?
9) I’m afraid of suffering
What does “suffer” mean to you?
Do you think there is a life without suffering?
Imagine that you suffer, are you sure that you will suffer all your life?
Won’t you be able to get up?
What resource (s) could you use to get up? Who could help you get up?
Have you not already managed to get up after suffering? How did you do ? (I suggest you find things that depend on you). Why can’t you do it again?
Someone who gets up after suffering, that could be inspiring, right?
If you could get something very important to yourself after suffering, would you be afraid of suffering?
Suffering is not an opportunity to say “this thing I don’t want anymore. I want it to change ”?
10) I’m afraid of the routine
Don’t you have the power to fight routine?
Have you defined what level of routine you could accept?
How serious is being in the routine for a few weeks? Very serious ?
What are the benefits of the routine?
Isn’t routine an opportunity to put new things in place?
11) I’m afraid of betrayal
What is betrayal for you?
What could make your partner betray you? Does it only depend on you?
What is in your power to limit the risks of betrayal?
If you were betrayed, what resources could you use to get up?
What assures you that you will not forgive this betrayal if it were to happen?
If you were betrayed, what could you learn?
Does being betrayed one or more times mean that it will happen again?
Does having heard of betrayal in other relationships mean that the same thing will happen to you?
If you knew you would find your ideal partner after being betrayed, would you be afraid of being betrayed?
12) I’m afraid of failure
What is a failure for you?
Are there not things that you considered a failure and which today no longer are?
How did you recover from your previous failures? Why can’t you do it again?
Isn’t failure a way to learn? Isn’t this an opportunity to do better?
What are the benefits of failure?
A life where there are only successes, is it possible?
Have the people who inspire you that you admire succeeded? Would they inspire you as much by achieving everything?
What are the disadvantages of being successful?
If you hadn’t failed, would you be the same person today? Would you have learned everything you learned? Would you have met the same people?
13) I’m afraid of doing wrong
What does “doing wrong” mean to you?
Have you ever experienced situations where you felt you had “done wrong” when another person was satisfied with your action, your work?
Have you ever experienced situations where you felt you had “done well” when another person thought the opposite?
Is “doing well” or “doing wrong” a question of interpretation?
Isn’t doing it wrong an opportunity to improve?
In the previous situations where you feel you have done badly, how have you managed to improve yourself? (I suggest you find things that depend on you)
Do you know people who do everything well? Are you sure they really share the things that they don’t succeed with?
What are the disadvantages for you of a thing well done? And what are the disadvantages for others?
Did you get it right the first time in your life?
If you had done everything right the first time, would you be the same person today? Would you have learned everything you learned? Would you have met the same people?
14) I’m afraid of making the same mistakes again
Why would you make the same mistakes again?
Haven’t learned from your mistakes?
If I told you that you would not repeat this error again after having made it 3 times, would you be afraid to repeat this error?
If making the same mistake again would get you something very important to you, would you be afraid to make that mistake again?
What you call “error”, was it really one?
15) I’m afraid of hurting
What do you think hurts the other person: you? Or your actions and your words?
If you say, or do the same thing to 10 people, will they all be injured?
Does the reaction of the other depend only on you?
When you hurt someone, is it voluntary?
Does injuring a person mean that they will be injured for life?
How did you recover from the situation when you injured someone? Why would you not be able to do it again?
16) I’m afraid to disappoint
What do you think disappoints the other: you? Or your actions and your words?
If you say, or do the same thing to 10 people, will they all be disappointed?
Does the reaction of the other depend only on you?
To disappoint someone, is it really serious? Very serious ?
Does disappointing a person mean that they will be disappointed for life?
If the other person had no expectations, would they be disappointed? (The goal is not to make the other person feel guilty)
How did you catch up when you disappointed someone? So you could do it again, right?
17) I’m afraid of the conflict
What are the benefits of the conflict?
If having a conflict allowed you to get something very important to you, would you be afraid of the conflict?
What is the choice that promotes a relationship at the top: good conflict management or conflict avoidance?
Are there couples where there is no conflict? Are you sure these couples tell you about their conflicts?
Can we have conflicts and continue the relationship?
Can we have conflicts with a person we love?
Isn’t having a conflict an opportunity to say things that you can’t say otherwise?
18) I am afraid of not meeting his expectations
Why would you not be able to meet your partner’s expectations?
Have you already met one (or more) expectations of a person? What made you want to do it? Was it a choice?
Not meeting a partner’s expectations, is it serious? Very serious ?
A relationship at the top, does it only meet all the expectations of the other?
Why should you meet all of your partner’s expectations?
What is most important to you: being yourself or meeting your partner’s expectations?
What if your partner had too many expectations? (The goal is not to make the other person feel guilty)
19) I’m afraid of living alone
What are the benefits of living alone?
What are the disadvantages of living together?
Which choice would you make from the following two propositions: to be happy alone or not to be fulfilled as a couple?
How did you manage the moments when you lived alone? What would prevent you from managing these moments again?
Does living alone mean that you will live alone all your life?
Isn’t living alone an opportunity to get together with a new person without having to leave or cheat on someone?
20) It’s up to you
You now have several dozen questions that I ask in coaching.
You may have noticed that some questions have come up repeatedly. So you can mix the questions and make your little recipe.
I advise you to also answer the questions that challenge you.
This will allow you to go further in your thinking.
Think about the causes, not the consequences. It is by working on the cause that you can solve your problem.
I suggest you tell me in the comments what you thought of these questions.
What questions allowed you to move forward on a blockage? What were the most challenging questions for you?
If you have not yet read my ebook “relation au top”, consider downloading it by filling out the green form on this blog. It’s simple. You just have to put your first name and your email address to receive my ebook. This will also allow you to receive the newsletter.
You will find my advice to move forward on the 4 pillars of a top relationship:
– conflict management
I recommend the ebook because all these fears that prevent you from having a top relationship are linked to one of the 4 pillars.