There seems to be a problem or question that just keeps popping up a lot… women who are feeling ignored and just don’t know what to do about it.
First of all, the important thing is that we find out whether or not this is a game. Let me explain: if they are purposely ignoring you as part of a specific strategy to gain your attention.
I can honestly and confidently tell you, believe it or not, that most men don’t “play games” with you. Actually, it is difficult for them to act so Machiavellian and with a bigger scene in their head.
They don’t think so far ahead. Many do not even know how to set clear goals with a woman. And luckily, very few men do go through life making very specific plans to get favors from a girl.
These few examples do so because they have a very particular addiction to challenge and more than the issue of conquest, they are excited by the issue of control and anticipation.
And most men, on the other hand, want one thing (we know what), and they want it as soon as possible. So that’s why they don’t “play games.”
I don’t mean it never happens. In fact, sometimes it does happen, but it is not the norm. Most men don’t put as much time and energy into a goal if they think they can achieve it another way, and “playing games” involves a lot of work.
You have to think all the time as if it were a game of chess, and that is exhausting.
With the cards on the table, we are going to save ourselves all that speech of mind games. If you are looking for the true list of all the reasons why a man may be ignoring you, then you have come to the right place.
Most men ignore women for a couple of reasons based on their relationship with them:
1. You two are in a relationship and communication has been lost
He’s sick of listening to you, and besides, he doesn’t feel like you are listening to him at all. Nor does he feel that he has anything else to say. You may even feel like saying anything will only cause more unnecessary fights.
He chooses to ignore you or remain silent despite the frustration or damage that passive-aggressive play can cause because it is the way he has always handled things or does not know what else to do.
There is no simple answer or solution to this because the responsibility for communicating properly rests with both of you, and it is necessary for both of you to accept that if your relationship can still be saved, that is going to take some real work from both of you.
If there was a way to solve this problem that could be summed up in a simple sentence or even a paragraph, I would. But there isn’t. Although, if you feel that this is the reason why he is ignoring you, you can always tell him upfront that: either you are looking for help, or you are not willing to continue.
Anyway, if he’s not going to cooperate, why do you want a relationship like that?
2. They are not in a relationship, they only go out casually
First of all, it would be good for you to find out if you think they are in a relationship and for him, they only go out casually. Because many times the whole mess can lie in this misunderstanding.
This case is a bit more complicated. But I can say that it is not so much because they are ignoring you, as because he is simply living his life. He’s probably seeing other people, and you’re contacting him more than he’s interested in responding.
Maybe they feel a bit overwhelmed or pressured and think that if they answer you every time, you will start to think that they have a more serious relationship. And let’s face it, he may be right.
This leaves us with two sub reasons:
A) He is ignoring you because you get in touch much more often than he would like. You may not be giving them a good reason to answer. He is not motivated to reply because either you are saturating him with messages, or he receives several a day from several different women.
B) He is not interested, ready, or willing to enter into a deep and meaningful relationship with you right now and feels that answering you too often will make you think yes.
In this case, he is already giving you all the time and attention that he is willing to give you. It is not that he is not having a good time with you, he is simply not looking to go further.
Both A and B tend to be true when a woman is too needy, acts too desperate for a relationship, is too egotistical, and thinks the world revolves around her.
Or possibly you have an overly intense and dramatic lifestyle. Which causes him to avoid most contacts.
To deal with this problem, we must first find out whether we are dealing with option A or option B.
If it’s A, then we need to take a closer look at how, when, and how many times you are communicating with him. This could be a cyclical pattern.
When you meet a boy, you may enter into a behavior dynamic in which you give too much importance and push too much. And trust me, that’s not going to work for you.
During the process or right after meeting a guy, texting or contacting him as little as possible is best. Surely if you do this some guys won’t answer you either, but those guys aren’t the ones you’re looking for anyway.
These guys tend to get into “relationship” mode pretty early on, plus they take on the female role of the dynamic and leave you with all the heavy lifting of the male role.
Men need to learn to miss their girl and to think about her or what she’s doing or who she’s doing it with all day.
They need to be put on hold and want to know and get more. Our interactions need to be short and powerful to keep them interested.
Also, they need a certain feeling that they are not getting all that they could possibly get. I’m not saying that you immediately make them think they are going to get everything and leave them with nothing, but you have to play around with this a bit.
If you give them a little at first, but still their expectation is always a little higher than what they end up getting, you generate constant interest.
This dynamic does not necessarily have to be physical, but the truth is that it helps a lot. Use that to your advantage by sending occasional signals that tip the scales on your side.
Now that, if it’s about B, then you need to find a way to objectively look at your life, how you live it, how much you love yourself, who you think you are, and who you want to be. B sucks.
Regardless of whether you are the one ignoring or the one being ignored. Because there is basically no way that you will get what you need from that relationship.
What I mean is that all that work isn’t really worth doing. It affects many areas of your life and has side effects, such as taking you away from truly good opportunities to have the relationship you are looking for.
I don’t mean that your life revolves around dating and having relationships. Those things tend to resolve themselves naturally, you just have to put yourself in the right circumstances to meet the right men.
For example, one of my patients tried to solve her emotional problems by burying herself in the music she liked and her passion for golf. Since he did it to escape the problem and not to fix it, he failed because that only kept him from getting to know other people thoroughly.
But these same two things, when she used them at a time of greater self-esteem, helped her succeed because she began to use those talents differently and to meet more men with similar tastes.
3. He does not feel good or capable enough to go out or be with you
Some men behave completely counterintuitive and the women they like the most are the ones they ignore the most. Not because they are “playing mind games,” but because they genuinely don’t want to be like the other kids who seem desperate for them.
Another possible reason why men ignore the women they like is that they don’t feel capable or valuable enough to be with them.
They either sabotage themselves or avoid them altogether to avoid the pain of possible rejection. They reject themselves in advance to avoid a bad time.
Even if you manage to start talking to such a man, he will always keep a little distance or not respond for the same reason.
Maybe sometimes you feel brave enough and other times you feel bad they just won’t respond. This can be very confusing and very easy to misinterpret.
But there is always the possibility that it is not something that has to do with you, if not because he does not consider that you really want to be with him and he does not want to make false hopes.
So now you know, there is always the possibility that he will “ignore you” for reasons that have nothing to do with you, if not with his profound lack of self-esteem. Unfortunately, this kind of guy is everywhere. Running into one like that is not as rare as you might think.
It could even be a person who you think something completely different about and is convinced that they surely have a lot of luck with women.
The fact is, deep down inside this guy, he’s constantly sabotaging himself because he can never admit, can’t, or doesn’t want to raise his self-esteem enough to overcome all those insecurities.
And instead, build a barrier of silence that makes you feel ignored. And incidentally more attracted.
Dealing with this problem and finding a solution for it is not easy. You can’t do or force someone to change the things they don’t like about themselves.
My suggestions would be, first of all, not to treat him like a child. You don’t want to end up pampering him or acting like his mother just because he doesn’t want to pursue what he wants.
This will only make him think that even if he ignores you, you are there and he will never motivate him to change that attitude.
Second: don’t restrict yourself from dating the same man. You can see others in the meantime. It is proven that people who have had experience dating more people end up having happier lasting relationships.
Third, he must understand from your actions that your happiness does not depend on his being able to move closer or further away. He must realize that his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but that it is also not a determining factor in your life.
They should also feel that you respect them and that you will continue to do so unless they decide to do something unethical like “play games” because men have a hard time starting relationships with women who don’t feel they look up to them.
But you don’t have to let their problems affect you negatively.
Never forget that this class of boys will hardly change spontaneously and will stop ignoring you and suddenly behave differently. It is as it is and unless that changes it is not a good idea to expend emotional energy.
My absolutely honest feeling about this kind of guy is that you can take the initiative, even sleep with him, but expect nothing more from the relationship or for him to start doing his part to move things forward.
Or definitely get him off your prospect list and find a more confident man right away. Your time will thank you.
Again, I would like to reiterate:
Most guys don’t “play games,” especially when they involve ignoring what they desperately need in life: women.
Surely a couple of them, a very small number, do it on purpose because they think it is the best way for you to despair to the point of getting what they want with minimal effort.
But, most of the time, that a man ignores you or that you feel ignored by a man has to do with:
1) A very serious break in the communication of the couple
2) That they are in two completely different emotional places and while you want a more serious relationship he just wants to hang out.
3) He is sabotaging himself because he doesn’t feel good enough to go out with you.
And you already know how you should deal with each of these scenarios. Do not get carried away by the first impulses and think things with a cool head.