Want to know what’s the best time to finish?
Most of us recognize and appreciate the happy combination of good fortune and circumstance that brings each special person into our lives; that chance meeting, on a dating site, or accepting an invitation that we were initially not sure about can lead us to meet someone who makes our lives wonderful for a while.
But equally, there may come a time when it becomes clear that the relationship is over and now it’s over.
It is time to recognize that what was once of great significance is now over and we need to move on.
But when is the best time to break up and why is it so difficult?
– It is not uncommon for two people to have very different opinions about the state of their relationship.
They may not be in the same place emotionally or they just refuse to accept that it’s over. In fact, one person may feel that everything is fine and may not even notice their partner’s hints that they are restless and want to move on.
Breaking up can be difficult when you know the other person cares so much and is waiting. Few of us want to be responsible for someone else’s pain, especially when it was such an important part of our lives.
– Investment, both emotional and financial, can influence the decision to break up. Children are often a serious consideration – how upsetting will separation be, and how much will it affect their stability and well-being?
Larger family implications may also come into consideration & letting others down.
Likewise, finances may be enough to make couples stay together. Breaking up the family, settling a settlement, agreeing to custody, and facing a big legal bill can be enough to keep some couples from breaking up.
– Secrets can be a big part of our relationship. Informing someone of our innermost thoughts, fears, and concerns, perhaps revealing past mistakes and indiscretions, can make us vulnerable.
There may be discomfort about the consequences of the breakup; how safe will these secrets be?
Taking that risk, as well as the prospect of starting the whole process over again with someone new, could make for some serious consideration.
– ‘Maybe I won’t find someone else / better / to put up with me.’ Sometimes we may put off ending our relationship out of concern that the grass isn’t always greener elsewhere. “Best the devil I know” can keep us in an increasingly committed relationship.
– Can it be salvageable if we both try again?
Relationship counseling can play a valuable role in helping to improve communication and become better able to see each other’s point of view. Trying again can include becoming calmer, taking things less personally, and avoiding saying and doing hurtful things. This includes learning to stop reacting because you are feeling upset or hurt. But relationship counseling can also help ease the separation process, especially when children are involved. Remember, you loved yourself once.
But when does it becomes clear that the time is right to end?
– Take the bull by the horns and say you need to talk. Often they have an idea of what it might be. It is likely that there have been changes in your body language and the quality of your interactions as you gradually move away from the relationship. By saying you need to talk, you underscore that you have something serious to say, and this gives the other person a chance to mentally prepare.
– Be discreet, and respectful. Yes, you may have discussed your relationship concerns with close friends or confidants, but if you are the initiator of the breakup, avoid the temptation to tell others first. It’s painful and embarrassing to be the last person to find out that your relationship is over.
– Keep the conversation on track and avoid listing all your flaws and shortcomings. Be firm and clear about your intention to break up, but stay to the point by saying it’s not working for you anymore. If your paths are likely to cross in the future, it’s good to remain reasonably friendly, even if you can’t remain friends, gradually becoming increasingly unhappy, sour, and full of recriminations.
– Accept that there is a need to grieve, sometimes before the relationship officially ends or even if you are the one initiating the breakup. It’s sad to lose a close relationship with all the dreams that came with it. Grief is also for things that were said and done that cannot be said, that you regret, and that can be forgiven but not forgotten.
– Grief can include several stages; denial, bargaining, and bargaining, anger, and depression until acceptance arrives. Everything can be placed inside and outside without a specific pattern. Accept these phases, although occasionally also accept if a good friend says it’s time to move on and stop analyzing and introspecting!
Keep in mind that by ending the relationship early rather than letting it drag on, it’s usually easier to maintain the friendship or at least maintain a balance of mutual respect.
That is, the best time to finish is when you feel ready to have a new life!