If your ex is trying to forge a friendship with you after the breakup, it is not something simple, but worrying. Maybe it’s okay, but that doesn’t mean it should be your goal.
Whether you ended the relationship or it was the other who decided to break up, you might be surprised by their reaction to ask you to keep seeing each other, but only for friendship. If you’ve wondered why your ex wanted to be your friend and you haven’t gotten an answer, keep reading this article.
Many people wonder if it is really possible to have a friendship with an ex. What is certain is that everything depends on the particular case of the couple. It is necessary to assess the reasons that may push one or both members of the relationship to want to maintain a friendship and under what conditions.
Being friends with your ex: myth or reality?
Maybe you’ve seen it in a movie, series, or book, but very little in real life. Being friends with our old partners doesn’t seem like a viable idea. Why? Well, because there’s a lot of feelings involved and probably one of the two (or both) is hurt.
Even if the breakup happened “on good terms” or “by mutual agreement”, it is difficult to transform this relationship into friendship. Of course, there are several exceptions, but in general, it is difficult to maintain this relationship over time.
According to research conducted by the National Autonomous University of Mexico, romantic mourning involves several stages. It is then possible that your ex is in the negation stage, which is why he wants to maintain a friendship.
You may ask yourself: if there is no love or passion between us, can friendship work? It’s a bit complicated to define, because we don’t have the possibility to see the future.
However, when neither of us is suffering from this new situation and there are no conflicts with the arrival of new partners, then we can say that being friends with an ex is possible.
Why does my ex want to be my friend? Hidden patterns
Perhaps your attention was drawn to the fact that your ex-partner told you that he wanted you to continue to be “friends”. It will amaze you, regardless of the reason your relationship ended.
Of course, we cannot go into your heart or your mind to know “for sure” what the reasons have led you to make such an offer. But we can analyze or detail some reasons your ex asked you to remain friends:
1. Out of guilt
This applies in case you have left your partner. Maybe you feel too guilty about ending the relationship, or the way you reacted after the announcement that you couldn’t stay together.
After you have exhausted all your explanations and other excuses, the typical “we can be friends” is launched without much conviction.
2. Out of habit
When we are in a relationship, we get used to each other and at the beginning, lack is what hurts us or hurts us the most. Even when we decided to go our separate ways. If your ex has told you that he wants to be your friend, it might be because he can’t imagine life without you.
But be careful, because it is not a consolation if you want to come back: maybe in the first few days he will call you more often for dinner or coffee, but you can lose this habit of seeing each other later.
3. To have the possibility of returning
We can say that it is “a drowned man” when it is not he who decided to end it. Being friends gives you an illusion or hope that, if you do it right, you can reconsider and accept being a couple again.
How do I know if my ex wants to be my friend and be my boyfriend again? Because, in the first place, he will be the most perfect person in the world. Anything you’ve said at one point that you didn’t like or would have preferred to change, he’s going to change it!
In addition, he will not refuse anything, he will always be kind and full of praise, he will want to take you to dinner or to the cinema as in the old days. Basically, he will become an ideal candidate for you, just like when you first met.
According to this study by the University of Plymouth, both men and women have almost the same anxiety during bereavement.
4. Out of solitude
You have to be very careful if your ex wants to be your friend because he feels lonely, because behind it is an “unhealthy” desire to come back to your side. If you don’t have other friends, if you call at night, if you cry, if you notice him sad, he might be very afraid of being left alone.
Instead of offering your friendship, it is better to help him get out of his house with other friends, meet new people, socialize at a party or meeting or perform various social activities. group or team.
5. For fun
Pay special attention, as this pattern is one of the most dangerous that exists. Your ex has told you that you can be friends when, in fact, what matters is having certain “rights” like, for example, casual s**x.
It happens for a combination of several factors: you don’t want to be alone, maybe you like his company, you can feel guilty… But the truth is that he plays with you and your feelings and you end up in a lot. suffer.
Additionally, we cannot ignore the fact that casual s**x can lead to unhealthy patterns that can endanger our health, especially in adolescence. This is what this study carried out by the University of Chile confirms.
The best thing you can do in these cases is to cut everything, that is, not answer his messages or calls and reject the invitations at his home or any other place. You have to make yourself respected!
6. By interest
Finally, if your ex wants to be friends, it may be because he wants to get some income from this “relationship”. Money, a position in a business, a certain social status, property, a weekend house? It will depend on what you have to offer.
You will recognize in what situations he works out of interest, for example, by changing plans. If he doesn’t accept or only calls you when he needs something, he wants to be your friend because he’s interested in it.
Keep in mind that every person is a world, just as every relationship in a relationship is unique. Therefore, these reasons may not be valid in all cases. But if you are going through a similar situation with your ex, evaluate the reasons given to see if any of them are right for you.