When we meet someone, it’s a hurricane of emotions and it’s stronger than us. Honestly, this is normal: any new relationship begins like this. We meet someone and as soon as we realize that we fall for him, it is likely that knowing it, we fall all the more quickly in love.
But just because a relationship is new and you feel like you’re falling in love doesn’t mean you have to see life in pink. On the contrary, at the start of a relationship, you have to be attentive to these little things which may seem normal but which are in fact violent warning signals telling you that you must stop everything.
Toxic people do not always appear in their darkest light. Some of these seemingly normal love requests are so common today that you may not even seem weird. It is not because we accept something that this something is not harmful.
You may not realize it right away, but trust your gut. Ignoring it can make you find yourself in a more than uncomfortable situation… If you’re in a relationship with someone who does or starts doing some of these 25 things, you might want to reconsider your choice.
25. Ask your partner for your phone code and pretend it’s normal
Many people are comfortable giving the code of their phone, email address or social media account to their partner. And if that’s your case, all the better! But being “formatted” or even forced to give passwords is definitely a bad thing and a major red flag in a relationship. If someone forces you, it is a sign that they do not respect your privacy or that they do not trust you.
24. Only go out with each other’s friends and face their refusal to meet your loved ones
The fact that he refuses to meet your loved ones is also a major red flag. A little bit of shyness is normal, but if he makes a point of avoiding the people who are part of your life, it means that being part of it is completely equal to him. He may even know that he leaves a special impression, likely to make them flea.
He therefore seeks to avoid this in order to stay on the honeymoon phase . If he only wants to introduce his own friends and makes no effort to meet yours, it is important that you ask yourself why.
23. Isolate your partner and refuse to let her make friends with your friends
In a relationship, it happens that we do not like the friends of his companion or do not manage to build relationships with them. When you manage to get a place in the group of friends of your companion, it is a real chance. But if your partner is not comfortable with this idea and keeps you away from his friends, it can be problematic.
Either he doesn’t trust you because he wrongly thinks that you could leave him for one of them, or he doesn’t trust his friends. In any case, it can become a real problem if you don’t discuss it.
22. Require your partner to drastically change your appearance
When we start dating someone, it makes sense that we are physically attracted to that person. I’m not saying that it should knock you back, but you should at least enjoy watching it, since it is likely that you will have to watch it for a long time yet! This is why the fact that your partner wants or needs you to change drastically is problematic. He should love you as you are.
21. Require your partner to never change your appearance
Conversely, that your partner demands that you keep exactly the same appearance is also a bad sign. Your partner should in no way dictate your behavior in this matter. If he is unable to manage weight gain or loss, a change in hair color, a tattoo or whatever, that is his problem. If you cannot be yourself as a couple, this is a major red flag.
20. Require your partner to spend all of their free time with you
If you don’t like spending time with anyone (except your partner) because it annoys you not being in your company, this is a red flag. Especially if you are afraid of his reaction if he finds out that you had fun without him. You are together, you are partners, but you are also two separate individuals and the solitude time that you each need must be respected.
19. Ignoring your partner’s problems
In a couple, vices can become a major problem. If you end up being forced to cover up your partner’s vices, to the point where you have to ignore them or help your partner fix them, that’s a real problem.
Not only do you make it easier for someone who could be seriously endangered, but you also put yourself in a dangerous situation. Love is love, but love also means accompanying your partner and helping him to evolve alone if that’s what he needs.
18. Act as if your partner is the center of the universe and as if she is the only one who can make you happy
As a couple, we all tend to see only the best in our partner. This is completely normal and absolutely not problematic. What is, however, is that your partner perceives you as his only source of happiness in this world, to the point that you become the only one capable of bringing him a little joy. This is a problem, since it makes you responsible for his mental health and it is a situation in which no one should find himself.
17. Refuse to define your relationship as a couple
If your partner does everything he can to avoid defining your relationship, even as it becomes more and more serious, it can be a major warning signal . If you are comfortable with this ambiguity, then it does not matter but if you want to approach the subject and he refuses, it is time to push him to answer your questions.
16. Your partner is constantly looking for compliments
If your partner is in constant demand for support, even asking you to hide his faults or to lower yourself to let him shine, this is a major problem. Because your partner does not want to evolve individually and let his faults show through. Or worse, because he wants to “cheat” you and make you believe that he is the ideal partner. This is not necessarily a bad sign, unless he refuses to take responsibility for his actions.
15. Act as if the slightest (normal) gesture of love were suffocating
Conversely, if your partner acts as if the slightest compliment or the slightest mark of affection is suffocating and gives you the impression of being neglected, this is problematic. Your partner may avoid being seen with you because he is dating someone else and obviously does not want you to know.
It is also possible that he avoids putting a name on your relationship in order to excuse any deviant behavior he might adopt, saying that in any case, you are not a couple. In any case, this type of behavior should be discussed.
14. Your partner insists on spending every second of the day with you
It is not the same as when your partner wants to spend all your time with you, with his friends or with yours and it is therefore a warning signal for a whole other reason. Requiring you to spend the whole day with you is like using yourself as a safety net because he is unable to live alone. Spending time alone and having diverse interests is not just normal, it’s also very healthy! If your partner refuses or refuses to give you free time, perhaps you should reconsider your choice to be with him.
13. Demanding to become your partner’s priority # 1
If your partner demands that you put it before your studies, your professional life or your other aspirations, this is a serious problem that you must discuss in order to advance in this relationship.
It is a problem in the sense that your partner asks you to choose between him and the things you want to do in your life. A couple relationship is wonderful, but in a healthy relationship, it’s about finding a real balance between all these priorities.
12. Ask your partner to tolerate seemingly innocent little lies
If your partner has a problem with lying, it is not necessarily a bad sign, as long as he recognizes his problem and works on it. It is a problem despite everything, but it does not necessarily have to become a cause of rupture.
On the other hand, if your partner lies to you and asks you to tolerate it, it is a warning signal. Either it’s a sign of his lack of self-confidence, or he doesn’t care whether you trust him or not. And this is a good reason to think about your relationship.
11. Be extremely mysterious about your finances, to the point of damaging your confidence
I’m not saying that you have to tell your partner everything about your finances: that your partner tells you absolutely everything and asks you to do the same is just as much a red flag. On the other hand, if your partner has a strange relationship with money, to the point of being always broke despite a more than decent salary, or if he has no job but still buys designer clothes, it can be a sign of a serious problem (such as a gambling or debt problem). This is something you need to find out before going any further with it.
10. Act as if your partner is the one having problems when your partner expresses remorse or shows empathy
Empathy is essential in the context of a couple relationship, since it is essential to feel your partner and to perceive him as an individual in his own right. However, if it amuses your partner and if he tends to consider himself a superior being to all those around him, this is a problem.
This is all the more important if he is unable to express remorse or show empathy. It is a red flag in the sense that he could be a narcissist. And the narcissistic personalities are definitely something that no one should have to go through.
9. He never organizes meetings, always eager to “improvise”
If your partner only comes to join you when he has no one else to see him, he treats you outright as an option and this is also problematic. It’s a problem, in the sense that it puts you on hold while it goes about its business, or maybe even meets someone else.
But when his plans fall apart, he comes to you, hoping that you will respond. It is twisted and even if it is difficult to envisage that someone whom we appreciate treats us thus, it is essential to recognize this kind of diagram and to realize that you are much better than that.
8. Require your partner to tolerate excessive jealousy
Jealousy is not necessarily harmful and may even be a sign of our serious attachment to someone. On the other hand, if your partner shows an irrational jealousy, without reason and to the point of damaging your relationship, it is a warning signal. It is all the more so if you have already questioned him about this type of behavior and that he reprimanded you or worse blamed you for it. In this case, jealousy is a problem and it is up to you to decide how to proceed.
7. Being naughty under cover of a joke and send your partner for a walk if she gets angry
A little bit of black humor in a couple can be fun and healthy, but if it gets nasty and it hurts you, you’re more than entitled to tell your partner. But if there again, your partner laughs at you and tries to overwhelm you to feel what you feel, it is a warning signal. If you are injured, no one has the right to decide that you should not be injured.
6. Ask your partner to give up “protecting yourself”
If things get serious and you decide to stop protecting yourself, it’s your right. However, if your partner puts pressure on you to make such a decision when you are not ready and endanger your health, regardless of your desires, it is a serious warning signal. It is a problem in the sense that your partner puts his little comfort before your health.
5. Family and friends issue warnings and advise you to leave
Imagine that your relationship is serious enough for you to meet his friends and family. It can be exciting, but imagine that your partner’s relatives tell you that it is dangerous and recommend that you leave. It can be confusing, especially if they tell you and your partner laughs at it. It could mean that everyone knows what great sorrows you are exposed to.
4. Tell your partner not to get attached
Imagine you are in an ” almost relationship “, that your partner told you that he would not bond and that it would therefore be better for you to do the same. You agree with that and continue on. However, as time goes by, he has finally become attached to you, but he becomes angry when he discovers that this is not your case.
It can be a major red flag, because it distorts its original intentions. And if someone does, chances are you will quickly recognize some of the other red flags presented in this list.
3. Ask your partner not to make yourself a priority and vice versa
Conversely, if your partner asks to be the last of your priorities and to go about his business without considering your person, this is another warning signal. There is a real problem of balance. This may be less common behavior than the opposite (a partner asking to be the first of your priorities), but someone demanding to be the last of your priorities and vice versa simply tells you that he will never consider your desires and does not consider you as his partner.
2. Require the complete attention of your partner during group outings
If during the moments that you spend with others (whether your partner is present or not), he makes it a point of honor that all your attention is directed towards him or away from others so that you can take care of him and his needs is another major problem. Because you are put in a situation where you only exist for him and are devoid of your individuality.
1. Ask your partner to completely rely on the judgment of his parents, as he does
There is nothing wrong with being very close to your parents. However, if your partner’s parents go beyond their rights, intrude on your relationship and steal the show from you in order to keep hold of your partner’s emotional life, this is a problem. Possible problem to solve, if you are ready to do the necessary work.
On the other hand, if your partner accepts it and mistreats you in order to satisfy his parents (putting them before you), it will be difficult to remedy it. Now may be the time to reconsider your relationship, especially if your partner is not aware of what he is doing.