1. Follow The Advice Below.
Most people do their best to maintain integrity even when they are threatened by loss, but it’s not always that simple.
Love requires sacrifice.
Trust requires faith.
And to succeed in this complicated world of dating and commitment, you’re going to need to believe in the goodness of people, especially your partner.
When we’re in love, we want to believe that giving in to our partner’s wishes is a noble act.
Indeed it is, but only up to a point.
Unless a partner is threatened by abuse or is unable to physically disconnect for any reason, many remain in relationships that should have ended a long time ago because of the feeling of being tied down with the person, consciously or unconsciously, compromising their own. integrity.
Just for the person to stay with you.
An example is giving up a lifetime of dreams just for the sake of a partner.
Every relationship is different and people are different in different relationships.
Time and experience also change partners in a relationship as they learn from past interactions.
Yet many people simply continue to repeat patterns that reduce self-worth exponentially, believing they have to give even more to succeed.
They continue to adapt, adjust and accommodate whatever the other partner asks for, sometimes even before the partner asks.
Yes, many commitments in intimate relationships are necessary and serve to make the partner feel important and wanted.
This is the case where we voluntarily give up some of our own desires to please the people we love.
If, in the process, we don’t feel a sense of being used, we’ll feel good and put the relationship on the path to success.
On the other hand, we are human beings, we are not saints… and we need to receive appreciation and gratitude for these sacrifices.
If we are very clear about what is easy to give, what kind of compensation we need, what we cannot and will not do at all, or what we can do as a way of returning a favor, then we can help our partners to know what kind of contract he is signing when starting a serious relationship.
This thought raises two important questions.
Are there things that should never be personally compromised?
How do you know if you are more comfortable than you should be?
Here’s a simple quiz that can help you answer these questions.
- When you have a conflict over which need should be served first (yours or his), is it usually you who gives in?
- Do you often feel that the relationship only works out because it is easier for you to adapt to your partner’s needs?… do you feel very often that you are unappreciated by your partner (he is ungrateful)?
- Do you find yourself thinking about that submissive behavior you had and later regretting it?
- Are you disappointed that your partner doesn’t recognize your sacrifices for them?
- Does your partner feel like it’s no more than your obligation when you sacrifice so much for him? Does he think he has the right to receive every effort you make for him?
- Do you continue to give more than you receive because you’re afraid he’ll break up with you if you don’t?
- Don’t you tell him your feelings when you feel like you’re being exploited?
- Do you think you would be a bad person if you didn’t give in to your partner’s needs?
- Do you keep thinking that your partner will eventually see how much you give and do you think he’ll end up making up for you someday if you keep giving?
The score ranges from 1 to 5. Answer each question with a number according to the score below:
- All the time.
Do the sum and see the results below.
1 to 10. You are a person who gives in and tries, a person who is comfortable in the way you interact with your partner.
11 to 20. You like who you are but would like to see your partner more reciprocal at times.
21 to 30. You are building up a bit of resentment that can explode inappropriately when you need something from him and can’t get it.
31 to 40. You are starting to see that you will never get your turn and start to stop giving affection.
41 to 50. You are on your way to deep martyrdom and will eventually be unable to restore the trust you once felt for your partner.
Fortunately, you can change that score and have a more willing partner, a partner who doesn’t realize you’re sacrificing so much.
Many women make their own demands to give in, give and try, based on their own insecurity, past trauma, or the need to feel good.
They give unequally to a partner who enjoys this devotion but sometimes doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate because he doesn’t believe the partner needs anything in return.
The woman believes that she is putting emotional money into a psychological bank, so she can withdraw it in the future when she needs it.
If the other person did not extend the debt on that emotional credit card, the woman is not putting her emotional money in a bank, but in a basket with a huge hole in the bottom.
Successful relationships are, in some ways, reciprocal and authentic.
Yes, there are people who find it easier to give and people who like to receive so many favors without feeling guilty about not being reciprocal.
When these two types of people get into a relationship, they can make the relationship work smoothly.
Couples like this are honest about who they are and grateful to be with the person who “fits” in that sense.
Reciprocity may not be in actions, but it is clearly in mutual appreciation and comfort.
The potential danger in these partnerships is that they can easily slip into symbolic parent-child interactions, preventing the relationship from maturing.
2. The best thing to do is be flexible whenever possible, but always stick to the values that are important to you.
Healthy relationships are based on many components: give and take, commitment, sharing, respecting, understanding and caring.
However, there are certain aspects of a relationship that should never be compromised.
One of them is definitely self-respect.
The choices you make affect your sense of self-respect and your relationships with other people.
If you are always willing to please and sacrifice your time and your desires for your partner for your partner’s sake, you will miss who you really are and who you can become.
You lower your self-esteem and end up preventing yourself from reaching your full potential.
Start your relationship knowing you have your rights.
You, your partner, and everyone around you deserve the same things.
- The right to think what you think.
- The right to feel what you feel.
- The right to want what you want.
- The right to say no.
When you say no to something that you feel is not going to be good for you, you are saying yes to yourself.
The best thing to do is be flexible whenever possible, but always stick to the values that are most important to you.
So keep this advice in mind: Commitment is one of the most important qualities in successful relationships, but never compromise who you are just to please someone else.
Keep your integrity and principles that guide your life, so you won’t feel diminished by your partner.
Honor yourself by thinking independently and taking advantage of your own insights and opinions.
Live authentically, speaking and acting based on your own convictions and values.
You control your life.
Keep growing and learning from your relationships and experiences.
The depth of your character and personality makes who you are.
Character and personality are constantly influenced by the depth of the relationship you develop.
So always make sure your relationship with your partner is based on trust, respect, kindness, attention, and admiration.
In this way, the love you give and the love you receive will improve who you are and make you a more interesting and complete person.
3. Follow The Advice Below.
Relationships are all about commitment, but there are some things you don’t feel good about giving.
As with anything, it’s best to know where you’re going to set your own limit.
Maybe you never want to compromise where you live or how you spend or keep your money.
Know what’s important to you so you can tell the other person before they even ask.
Your life is still up to you, even after you get into a relationship.
You might be planning a wedding to be together with him for a long time, it might change some of your ideas about what you can give, but never give up on your dreams.
Your dreams and plans for your life are the only things that no one can take away from you.
Your partner needs to understand how important this is to you and help you make those dreams and plans a reality.
These plans could be about your career, your retirement, or other aspects of your future.
And you will likely change those plans over time.
Just don’t let your partner dictate or influence these changes just for his or her comfort.
You can and should have the support you need from others to make decisions that help you grow.
Never compromise your security.
If you feel insecure about decisions, speak up.
Your partner needs to know your fears, but they also need to know what is safe for you and what is unsafe.
It is important for you to feel secure physically, financially, and emotionally.
A relationship is about taking risks and trying new things and learning and growing, but it should never cost you your safety.
Having healthy relationships with friends, co-workers, and family outside of the relationship is, in addition to being important, extremely necessary.
If your partner is worried about your relationship with a friend, a very close coworker, or anyone else in your life, listen carefully to his or her concerns.
Find a way to show that the relationship is not a problem and will not affect the relationship you have with your partner.
If you isolate yourself from friends and family, you will put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position, and that’s not good for making good decisions about your life and your relationship.
A healthy relationship gives you and him the right to have rich social connections that don’t threaten the relationship.
Find a balance for yourself and your relationship.
Check frequently that your basic needs are being met.
- Is your relationship not letting you take care of yourself as you would like?
- Are you getting enough rest and are you comfortable in all environments?
- Do you feel guilty when you go to work just because your partner wants you to stay home or do something for them instead of doing what needs to be done?
Your level of satisfaction with your needs has a profound impact on every aspect of your life.
Recognize the difference between needs and wants, and focus on needs first.
If your partner is holding you back and isn’t letting you live life the way you’d like, you could be compromising a lot of your life for the relationship.
Do what is necessary for you.
He should never ask you not to do something that fills a basic need of yours just so you can do something else that will benefit him.
4. Find Your Motivation.
Commitment is an important part of every healthy relationship.
People who can’t compromise on certain things can’t function well in a relationship.
However, there is a difference between compromising certain things and surrendering your soul.
The difference between the two is huge.
It is overkill to do anything that requires sacrificing an important part or even a small part of who you are.
What does it mean to give up a part of yourself?
Self-definition is the core of your needs, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and values that define you, that help you identify who you really are.
This is not the same for everyone.
For some people, religion is a big part of who they are, but for other people, religion is not that important.
Politics is another area where you may have differences.
It’s not the differences that are problematic, it’s the partner’s inability to tolerate those differences in the other.
Even more problematic is the person’s need to actively try to control his partner’s beliefs.
Some people are so threatened by differences that they have gone too far to achieve a change in belief.
This is an unhealthy dynamic.
Strong people, in addition to tolerating differences, are also open to them.
They see differences as an opportunity to learn and grow.
They support partners for who they are, not who they need to be.
Sometimes commitment is just a matter of “it’s your turn” — you picked the movie last week, it’s your turn today.
Commitment often involves giving up a part of what a person wants (not who they are!) to get to the place where both of you will be satisfied.
An activity that would not be the first choice for either partner ends up being acceptable so both partners can participate.
You have the intuition to sense when you are agreeing to something that is not right for you.
You need to pay attention to that feeling because it is saying something important to you.
Maybe you’ve started to notice that it’s always you who are compromising something.
This is a process that needs to be balanced, needs to be fair.
It is necessary to have some level of reciprocity to avoid feelings of resentment.
Perhaps the best indicator that you are giving yourself too much is when you look for your motivation.
Are you afraid?
That’s a good sign that you’re not compromising, you’re being submissive.
You worked hard to grow.
A good part of your life is spent in this process.
No person or relationship is worth giving up on who you’ve become.
5. Commitment Must Be Fair and Balanced.
If you are compromising more than he is, you will build up resentments.
It takes a lot of practice to master commitment.
That means you have to be honest with yourself about all the things you put into the relationship.
It’s important not to devalue what the other person brings to the relationship simply because it’s different from what you put in.
For example, some men devalue women’s work and think that staying at home and taking care of the family is not work.
It’s important to be fair with the things your partner actually contributes.
Maybe staying at home is not a paid activity, but it helps to save money and the family can enjoy more time together.
So don’t compromise your worth if you are in this situation.
Don’t compromise your safety or your health.
Emotional and physical abuse should never be tolerated.
This is toxic to your mental health.
You have the right to feel secure in your relationship.
Some women remain in abusive relationships, thinking he will change.
Abuse can start slowly and increase in intensity over time.
The sooner you identify toxic and abusive behavior, the faster you are able to emotionally walk away from it and follow another path.
There are other types of commitment.
Maybe he likes to swap couples and you don’t.
Maybe he wants to be in an open relationship and you don’t, but you give in anyway because you want to be in a relationship with him.
It’s important, to be honest with yourself about what you need and wants in a relationship.
Don’t go agreeing to something because you think it will make him happy and you will hold him.
If you’re not happy, don’t force it because it won’t last if you don’t honor your needs in the relationship.
Commitment can go to extremes. Don’t forget your limits and what you’re willing to give up to stay in the relationship or to please him.
The thing is, if you’re not happy and if you’re not meeting your needs, this might not be the guy for you.
Remember your worth and value yourself.
Maintain your integrity, set your boundaries, and remember that you are worthy of the worth you believe you possess.