Is your husband or boyfriend uncommunicative and silent or maybe even emotionally distant?
If you’re wondering “why doesn’t he talk to me?”, you’re not alone!
Here are the most common barriers to communication that affect all relationships.
It’s important to remember that men sometimes just don’t know what to say.
Because?
Because men want to talk to their girlfriends or wives…
but they don’t always know what to talk about.
Try not to let fear or anxiety creep into your relationship if you and your boyfriend or husband aren’t talking a lot.
Maybe he’s one of the thousands of men who are searching the internet for topics of conversation!
He just doesn’t know how or what to talk to you.
Making conversation is difficult for many men (and women).
Some people are very comfortable with quiet spaces in conversations, which can make it difficult for more talkative types.
Below you’ll find the most common reasons why a boyfriend or husband isn’t talking and various tips for talking.
My husband and I are taking a relationship-building course called Marriage Course.
Our last session was The Art of Communication and we had to practice talking, actively listening, and summarizing each other.
It was a really good session – and great practice for all kinds of conversations.
The most important thing I learned was that good communication is a learned skill.
Not just for you, not just for your partner ...
but for you two.
Great conversation is like a great game of tennis: both partners are skilled at hitting and returning the ball in equal measure.
Both are interested in participating in the game, and both care about the outcome.
And both are equally involved until the end.
You’re here because your husband or boyfriend doesn’t want to talk to you.
If you can discover the root cause of your reluctance or inability to communicate, then you are way ahead of the game.
To help you out, I’ve created this list of the most common reasons men don’t talk to women (including why boyfriends aren’t talking to girlfriends and husbands aren’t communicating with their wives).
7 Reasons Your Boyfriend or Husband Doesn’t Talk to You
If he’s not talking to you because of a recent argument and he’s shutting you up, enter your email at the bottom of this page to get more tips on how to deal with silent treatment in relationships.
I recently updated this article to include more ways to encourage men to speak openly and honestly.
I also added new research on communication between couples.
Feel free to share in the comments section below.
I can’t give you personal advice on why your man isn’t talking to you, but you may find that writing about your relationship is a great way to gain insight and understanding.
1. He doesn’t know what to say
Some guys are quiet and just have nothing to say.
My husband is one of those men.
He often says he just doesn’t know what to say.
He likes to talk about news, economics, and politics…
but I do not know.
I love to talk about writing, blogging, and the Bible…but of those three topics, he’s only really interested in the Bible.
He’s happy to hear me talk about writing and blogging, though.
So our most interesting conversations are often about Scripture, and only sometimes about all the other topics we both enjoy.
What is your boyfriend or husband interested in talking about?
What do you love to discuss?
Those are two good places to start when you’re wondering what to talk about with your boyfriend, especially if you’re in a new relationship.
Remember that not every guy is a brilliant conversationalist, nor does he talk just for the sake of talking.
But if you’re asking “why doesn’t he talk to me” because you know he talks to other people, then you need to do a little more research.
2. He worries that you might get him wrong
I’m sure it’s happened to you: you say something to someone – not necessarily your boyfriend or husband – and she or he misinterprets and misunderstands what you mean!
Your words were taken out of context, or you said they were wrong.
Then things get out of hand and feelings get hurt.
Is it possible that your boyfriend or husband does not talk to you because he is afraid of being misunderstood?
Ask him.
If you and he haven’t talked about the lack of communication in your relationship, then this is a good place to start.
3. He doesn’t know how he feels or what he thinks
Sometimes men don’t speak simply because they don’t know how to respond.
For example, when I raise an issue in our relationship, sometimes my husband says, “I don’t know what to say about it.
Give me some time to think.
“He used to shut up and say nothing until I asked if he could at least tell me that he doesn’t know what to think or say.
This works much better because at least I know he heard me.
Maybe your boyfriend or husband just doesn’t know what to think or feel about what you’re trying to talk about.
Many people – not just men – don’t know how to talk about their feelings or how to communicate their thoughts.
The solution?
Learn to communicate better.
Enter your email address to receive free professional marriage relationship advice.
4. He feels he has to be the “strong, silent type”
Some men think they will sound weak if they talk about issues that bother them.
Sometimes it’s easier to keep your mouth shut and ignore the problem rather than go through the hassle of trying to convince him.
Ignoring conflict is an easy short-term solution, and many of us use this tactic to keep the peace…
Or maybe your boyfriend wants to talk about relationship issues but doesn’t know what’s appropriate to talk to a girlfriend.
We are not taught how to be in relationships, and good communication skills are not learned by watching television, playing video games, or going to work.
People learn by getting information and actually practicing what they learn.
5. He doesn’t want to disturb the peace
Sometimes it’s easier for a man to just bite his tongue and say nothing rather than speak his mind and cause trouble or hurt feelings.
Some boyfriends and husbands like to keep the peace at all costs so they keep quiet.
Tell me, why doesn’t he talk to you?
What’s his point when he says something to you?
I suspect you know exactly why your boyfriend or husband isn’t communicating, but it’s easier to look up answers on the internet.
Facing the truth and actually doing something about it is much more difficult.
6. The subject is very complicated
Talking about relationship or marriage problems can be painful and confusing, and sometimes it’s easier to avoid “the conversation.”
If your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you, it could be because he doesn’t want to get involved in emotions or confusing conversations.
Either the topic is really painful or complicated.
Couples often avoid important arguments because there are no easy answers or solutions.
Again, it’s easier to avoid talking about these things than it is to face the truth and keep going.
7. He thinks you’ll laugh at him or think less of him
Does your boyfriend hesitate to share his thoughts with you because you might criticize him or make fun of him?
Maybe you’re not aware of how he feels talking to you – or maybe you’re not aware of your own patterns of responding to him.
The best way to identify why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you is to show him this list.
I hope he’s open to talking about why he doesn’t talk to you!
The best source of information is the person himself – if he can open up.
