You secretly fell in love with your colleague, But there are many obstacles lurking on the way to love… Is the woman possibly in a relationship or is she even married? How does she feel about me? How is flirting with colleagues and the boss go? And if she’s single, how can you win over your beautiful co-worker without causing a stir?
In this article, I want to tell you what you can do when you are in love with your colleague. I will answer all the important questions and clarify with you what you need to consider.
First of all: see it as a gift and enjoy it when you have lots of beautiful women around you at work – even if it just turns into friendship. For me, for example, it’s different. Today I work independently in a manageable company of three people. That’s why I only come to flirt after work or on the weekend.
If you work with that positive attitude and now take my tips to heart, you can get the situation under control. Let’s start!
Am I secretly in love with my co-worker? 8 signs you have a crush on her
Before you start pondering or asking the woman out on a date, you must first clarify your feelings. This is especially important if you are still in a difficult relationship and might want to leave for a new one. So ask yourself: am I really in love or is this all just infatuation?
The biggest signs of being in love are:
- You can barely concentrate at work because you think about her all the time.
- You have to look at her all the time when you’re in the same office.
- When she talks to other co-workers or goes out to lunch with them, you react with jealousy.
- Every day you feverishly think about how you can get in touch with her or spend your lunch break with her.
- You constantly write your messages under a pretext (according to the motto: clarify something professional)
- As soon as you see her or talk to her, you get nervous, you start to sweat and your head turns off.
- Even outside of work, in your free time, you can never get the lady out of your head.
- (If you are in a relationship 🙂 You are considering leaving your current girlfriend/wife for a co-worker
It is important that you are honest with yourself. If butterflies in your stomach aren’t enough for you to be truly in love (and even lover), you might want to consider whether flirting is worth it here. But if you want to win over your coworker, it’s time to take the next steps. Here are my top tips for you:
1. Avoid faux pas: check the work environment at your company
Companies can be very different in terms of people management and work environment. For example, a friend of mine works in a company where the first bottles of beer are opened at 3 pm, stupid pranks are played like in school, and rude men’s sayings are proven. Another friend, on the other hand, has a strict boss who forbids talking during working hours. Of course, flirting doesn’t go down well in such an environment.
Especially when you’re new to the company, keep your eyes and ears open so you don’t stomp through the china shop like an elephant! Better tiptoe like a ninja! In the first step, discover the following:
- How is the general relationship with each other, rather distant or friendly?
- How rigid or relaxed is the boss?
- Are there mixed groups or do men and women tend to remain separate?
- How is the theme “relationships in the work environment” seen in the company / in your department?
- Have you ever had or already had co-workers as couples? How was or is it received?
It is also often helpful to talk discreetly (!) with men who have worked at the company for a long time about such sensitive topics. Contemporaries who have been working for many years, in particular, are very familiar with the “unwritten laws” and customs of the company. For example, you can casually bring up the subject during your lunch break by saying:
“Hey, Stefan and Maike get along really well… have you seen how they look at each other? I wonder why the two stopped working!
Then see what responses you get to draw the right conclusions about your own behavior. In general, the following applies: the stricter your company, the more discreet and careful you should be in your flirting.
2. Keep a low profile – don’t become a topic of office conversation
Regardless of the work atmosphere: in my experience, colleagues are always very curious and attack all (supposed) love stories like hungry vultures in the desert on carrion. The reason is very simple: most people don’t feel really fulfilled at work, find their work boring and enjoy all the distractions… Soap opera in real life! The love between co-workers quickly becomes the main topic of conversation.
Therefore, you should make office flirting as inconspicuous as possible. That means no obvious attempts to hack you, and no sticky notes with hearts on your computer. A stormy admirer also becomes uncomfortable for the lady if she becomes the subject of gossip! Nor should she boast that she likes women. But how should you behave then? I’ll tell you about it below.
3. Places where you can flirt with your colleague
First of all, you should get in touch with your colleague so that you can have a closer conversation with her. A desk is a bad place for that. You are not only busy with important tasks here, your colleagues also hear everything and gain attentive ears. There’s still email and chat, but that’s too impersonal. In my company, where I worked at the time, there were 4 c’s that we men could approach women:
- copy machine
If you never happen to meet up with your co-worker at a convenient location, give your luck a boost: ask if she’d like to go grab a coffee with you or have lunch with you. Most people like a little variety in their gray day-to-day work and are open to these suggestions.
4. Find out if the colleague likes you
Logical: at work, you hold back and do not openly reveal your feelings. Therefore, many men do not know whether their chosen one is also interested in them and whether the passion is mutual. Now you have to figure it out by approaching it carefully.
It’s okay to talk to a woman about work-related issues at first, but you should move into personal issues, like leisure time and hobbies, as soon as possible. After all, most people want to relax on vacation and forget about the huge pile of projects and angry clients waiting for them at the office.
You also want to approach her privately, stir up positive emotions in her, and not just treat her like a co-worker.
So steer the small talk towards pleasant conversation topics! Ask them, for example: “Where are you going on your next holiday?” Or: “How do you spend your day?” and pay attention to the signs:
- Does she blush and blush?
- Is she nodding her head?
- Does she laugh a lot in your presence?
- Is she nervously running her fingers through her hair?
- Does she make physical contact with you?
- Does she praise you?
- Is she jealous of other women you talk to?
These could be signs that your colleague really likes you or even already has feelings for you.
5. Find out if she is single or in a relationship
Of course, you also need to know if she’s still single or already engaged (or even married). In my experience, you find this out automatically when you talk about your private life. I have often heard women talk about their men in subordinate clauses, for example:
“Next week I’m going to tennis with my boyfriend.” Or: “My friend also said we should check out the new apartment in the ad.”
If you don’t hear these keywords in it, ask discreetly. For example, when she talks about a vacation, reply, “Oh, are you going to the beach next week? With your boyfriend or is it going to be a girls’ outing? ” If she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she will respond accordingly.
6. Invite the co-worker on a date
If you’re secretly in love and want more, you should show your colleague your interest right away. But at work, as I said, you can’t flirt undisturbed, and women won’t be able to relax here either, which will torpedo your advances. So make sure you ask her out on a date and only go on the offensive in the private meeting!
Asking for a date is not that difficult: I explained to you above this is the best way to talk to her about leisure and interests. If you have a common hobby, you can easily ask her if she would like to do something along those lines with you. For example, if she likes going to art shows, you might ask her:
“Hey, the day after tomorrow is this brilliant painter’s new exhibition, do you want to come with us?”
If the date goes out, congratulations! Now you’re off work and can flirt with her like you normally would with any other woman. You can find many articles about this on my blog.
In love with a colleague despite the relationship?
I know, the whole thing is often not that simple…
Already in firm hands? So that’s still not a big deal. If she is unhappy in the relationship, you still have good cards. But if she’s married, you should carefully consider which hornet’s nest you’re rooting in… You might get stung or slapped! My advice is: stay away from it! First, you don’t want to wreck a partnership/marriage. Second, you quickly get caught up in a problem that you have to fight to get out of.
And if you yourself are taken? Then test your past relationship and weigh the various options. A clear decision is important! Think about whether love with your current partner still has a chance or whether you’ll be happier with a fresh start. If things aren’t going well with her anymore anyway, a breakup might be the best choice – regardless of the chances, you have with the hot co-worker.
In love with a colleague – tips on what to do now
Maybe you’ve read my article up to this point or scrolled down completely. In any case, it can happen that you have a desperate crush on your colleague because you can’t be together for a specific reason:
- In your company, love between employees is not tolerated
- One of you is/or both of you are already in a serious relationship (or even married), which should stay that way
- She doesn’t like you or doesn’t want a relationship with a colleague
Every day can be torture, so you have to change something quickly.
The most important rule in unhappy love is first of all: distance yourself! After all, you want to focus on your work again and be able to perform well, instead of thinking about it all the time. If you work in an office, you may be transferred to another department. You should also spend lunch and coffee with other colleagues in the future.
If you are extremely unhappy in love: change jobs.
If the situation is hopeless for a long time, a job change is also an option. Of course, I don’t want to leave in a hurry, but find a seamless transition to a new job. You can already start writing applications so that the switch to the new employer takes place as quickly as possible. If you are dissatisfied at work anyway, this is the ideal opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.
Another perk of changing jobs: maybe it didn’t work out with love because you were co-workers. This hurdle will be eliminated once you get a new job. When the cards are shuffled and dealt with, you can start all over again. Make an appointment with her and try your luck!