Whether it’s separation after a long-term relationship or severe rejection when you’re in love with a woman: homesickness is always extremely painful – even among us men. Deep homesickness, desperate thoughts, and insomnia can no longer calm us down, so we must do something about it and overcome the longing for love so that our souls can find peace again and we will be happy again at some point.
In this article, I would like to be by your side with my help. I’m going to tell you 8 unbeatable tips on how to overcome homesickness. You will discover what you can do especially as a man against pain and what really helps in this exceptional situation.
When men are in love – the signs
As a man, I myself have often fallen in love unhappily and have had to go through a lot of separation pains. That’s why I know exactly what longing for love is for us men. For women, it is often incomprehensible, but of course, we boys suffer just as much from a breakup or a disagreement as the opposite gender. Even though we always have to look strong on the outside and the signs are not so clearly visible to others.
Psychological and physical symptoms of infatuation can include:
- depression and apathy
- Impaired male self-confidence
- sadness and anger
- Difficulty concentrating at work
- feeling of loneliness
- internal restlessness
- Isolation (“chained at home”) and neglecting friends
- loss of appetite
- Chest pain (broken heart syndrome)
If the extreme pain lasts for many years without abating, it can even make you sick. Therefore, it is important that you not only get over the headache quickly but also process it completely in order to achieve a real “cure”.
The Love Stages Men Go Through
Men deal with passion differently than women. While the girls spend hours discussing their failed relationships with friends, their mother, and their hairdresser, the men prefer to eat their frustration and seek distraction. However, this means that the longing for love lasts much longer and we don’t really overcome it, but simply suppress it.
Failed Heroes? How men act when they are in love
Psychologically, our self-esteem takes a severe hit at the moment of separation or rejection. We have the painful feeling that we have failed as men and that we are not “good enough” as men. To make matters worse, we men have learned that we must always be strong. Openly show the pain and talk about the pain of separation. For us, that is out of the question!
The consequence: instead of getting advice and solace from our friends, we try to appear as cold and controlled as possible to the outside world. Instead of healthy conversations, we look for superficial distractions so that we can quickly repair our ailing self-esteem: we buy fancy cars or a new PC (which we sit in front of for hours), play sports to exhaustion, drowning at work, or try to date other women…
Weird question from girls: “Do men fall in love?”
This hurried new start after the breakup and the silence of mental issues seem very deceiving to the outside… it seems that we men quickly put our heartache behind us and would not suffer at all.
It goes so far that some women wonder, “Can men fall in love?” “Yea!” That’s what you’d like to warn. Please take our suffering seriously! But we boys must start with ourselves first and finally take our pain seriously.
How long does the longing for love last on average in men?
How long it takes to get over homesickness depends entirely on your behavior. If you eat the pain of separation and are just looking for the distraction of hobbies and affairs instead of working through it all, the heartache can last for years. With my tips, however, I’m going to show you what helps you survive the extreme stages of depression and other feelings.
Best of all, I offer man-to-man help. You’ll find out what you can do to keep it from going too far and really find your way back on track!
What can you do to get over love? 8 tips for men on what really helps
Now you know the biggest problem most men face: why they can’t handle passion. Fortunately, there is a way for everything, even for unhappy loves! Now I’m going to tell you my best tips on what really helps and what you can do to fight and get rid of the headache.
1. Talk to friends about feelings
I know this is difficult terrain for us men. Even as children, we heard our parents say, “A man does not know pain!” Phrases like these are not only wrong when it comes to heartache, but also dangerous – because they prevent you from expressing feelings and being able to process them properly. When we ourselves grow up, it is then in the men’s group: “Let’s drink a beer and everything will be fine again!”
You have to break the typically masculine silence and talk openly with your friends about love. This helps to vent your pain, anger, and other feelings. Conversations make problems much easier. It’s like a valve that you can use to release a lot of pressure.
2. Overcome doubts – you are not unmanly!
What else can you do with a lack of love: finally break the old womanizing scheme? What do I mean by this? Often, men don’t feel like men until they’re successful with women. Whether it’s a breakup or a stump, they see themselves as failures and doubt their masculinity. Don’t look to you to blame! Tell yourself it just didn’t fit between the two of you (anymore).
The loss or “defeat” has nothing to do with you or your behavior. You are not “unmasculine” just because the lady wants nothing (more) from you. The reasons for this are often too complex to simply blame failure on yourself. And after all, there are plenty of other women out there who like you for who you are – even if that vision is still hard for you due to your lack of love at the moment.
3. Allow weakness and turn off “performance mode”
The notion of performance also belongs to the disadvantageous self-image of masculinity. We also learned this from our parents: a real man has to march to the office every morning like a soldier on the battlefield. Weakness is out of the question, you’re not a coward, are you?
Stop! When you try so relentlessly, you are only torturing yourself and suppressing the heartache instead of treating it.
Let me tell you something: you don’t always have to deliver 100 percent “performance.” It’s okay if you’re sick and can’t work like a workhorse at work or anywhere else. Don’t take the headache! Of course, there is nothing to be said against the doctor putting you on sick leave for a certain period of time to survive the depression phase.
Because heartbreak is an emotional injury that can be described as “being sick”. But instead of a broken arm or leg, you have a broken heart, which now needs to “grow together” again!
4. Process and deal with love sickness by coming to terms with it
Talking to friends and family isn’t the only way to deal with a lack of love. You should also think carefully about your failed relationship with your partner and consider why the breakup occurred. Perhaps there were too many discussions, and if so, why? Or did you just distance yourself? Did you have different goals and values?
Also think about your ex-girlfriend’s negative traits, what bothered you about her, and most of all, how she treated you in the end. Maybe you even get mad at the lady? That’s not a bad thing, it helps to gain some emotional detachment and take off those pink glasses.
In the end, you may come to the conclusion that the breakup may even be the right step toward ending an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. You can also consider what kind of partnership you would like in the future to make it more stable and sustainable.
5. See the benefits: enjoy life as a happier single
You are certainly familiar with the Monty Python movie “The Life of Brian” (if not, watch it!). I especially remember the final scene when the crucified ones sing their joyful song: “Always look on the bright side of life.” An absurd scene and the climax of dark humor!
But there is a spark of wisdom in this, namely: Even in desperate situations, you can still see something good.
Even if you feel like an enemy of the state of Rome nailed to the cross, you must consider the advantages of separation: as a single person, you are free and now you can do whatever you want. You will also have the chance to meet a great woman who suits you much better.
6. Let go of the ex-girlfriend and gain distance
Many men continue to text their ex-partners for weeks (eg on WhatsApp or Facebook) or call them constantly and ask for a second chance. If the relationship is clearly over and there is no longer any chance of getting your ex back, you should refrain from such actions.
Because then you only create unnecessary hope for a new edition of your love and hurt yourself by seeking her closeness. Don’t torment yourself by seeing her repeatedly or hearing her voice! This makes it even harder to get them out of your head. So, break off contact – at least until you’ve properly processed the separation.
7. Seek distraction through hobbies and friends
You will probably have to think about the woman day and night and feel a terrible desire for her. That’s why distraction is also important. As I’ve said several times in this blog post, distraction can’t replace a serious reappraisal, but it’s still useful as a supplement to overcome nostalgia.
So, after talking to friends about missing love and dealing with your failed love, of course, you can also use distraction to combat the pain of separation and hopefully get rid of it in the end. Do everything that is good for you. Here are some tips:
- Exercise (without overdoing it!)
- enjoy good food
- Get together with friends, especially in men’s groups
- Going to parties/clubs
- wellness weekend
- Travel to other cities/countries
- Learning a musical instrument
- Get involved in charity
- Go-karting / bungee jumping
- And much more
Like I said: whatever you like is allowed and at least distracts you for a few hours so you can temporarily forget about your ex-partner.
8. Sayings for love? Practical experience is the order of the day!
Everyone knows smart, well-meaning passionate sayings like, “Other moms have beautiful daughters too” or “Every pan has a lid.” And of course, we know that this wisdom somehow has a real core. And yet we stalk our ex-girlfriends or stay single for years without flirting with women.
Lest this knowledge remains just a gray theory, you must dare to walk out the front door and meet new women. A freshly baked love helps to have other thoughts and overcome homesickness. Because you’ll feel like your ex isn’t the only woman who can make you happy in a relationship.
Get up and experience the next adventure in your life’s journey – that’s masculine too!