Being in a relationship with someone you really love is very different from being with someone just because it’s convenient.
For some, being in a relationship of convenience is perfectly suited to where they are in life.
Maybe companionship is just easier than deep emotional attachments for now.
There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship of convenience.
As couples therapist, Teresa Solomita says, “It’s a perfectly legitimate relationship to have in the difficult world we live in.”
This only becomes a problem when you’re not really happy and you want a deeper connection.
“The actions of couples who are truly in love with each other are drastically different from couples who are together just out of some sort of convenience or necessity,” said author and coach Jaya Myra.
“It’s a difference between night and day you can see if you know how to look.”
Sometimes you get into a really exciting relationship with your partner only to find months (or even years) later that you’re not so excited about them anymore.
You might even question if you’re still in love with him.
But, as Myra says, it’s a difference like night and day.
So here are some things couples who are truly in love do differently than couples who are together for convenience, according to experts.
1. Couples in love make a point of being present when they are together
Happy, satisfied couples who are truly in love are present when they are together.
“They pay attention to each other, even the smallest things,” says Heather Claus, a relationship expert.
“Couples who are in love respond strongly to each other’s requests for attention.”
What exactly is an “order”?
According to Claus, it’s as simple as a sweet exchange of text messages.
“A ‘in love’ partner will respond, kindly, as quickly as possible,” she says.
Couples in love get engaged and make a point of acknowledging their partners whenever possible.
When couples are stressed, Claus says, they will still do everything in their power to be in the moment with each other and to help their partner be in the moment too.
Couples who are together for convenience don’t necessarily make a point of doing this.
In some cases, they may not even be too bothered if their partner isn’t very receptive.
They are more likely to text, generally like they would a friend.
2. Couples in Love Ensure Important Dates Are Never Forgotten
Couples who are truly in love remember to celebrate important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.
As Myra says, “Keeping your word is just one thing couples in love won’t forget.”
When you’re really in love with someone, you want to make them happy.
That typically becomes more of a priority than anything else, she says.
“To do that, you’ll be more attentive to details that you might forget.”
Couples who are together for convenience may recognize special dates, but it may not be a big deal.
3. Couples in Love Can See A Future Together And Discuss It Openly
If you are truly in love with your partner, you can imagine a happy future together, regardless of whether it involves marriage or children.
“Couples in love tend to be happy in their everyday lives together, but they also have mutual relationship goals for the future,” said Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Also, they will be keen to discuss it.
Realizing that you are in a relationship of convenience can happen slowly or hit you all at once.
If you find yourself not really in love but still with your partner, McBain says it’s important to look at the deeper issues here.
Why do you feel it’s convenient like this?
Don’t you feel like you deserve a better relationship?
Are you afraid of being alone?
Is financial stability the key here?
“Professional counseling, while not for everyone, can help answer these questions on a deeper level,” she says.
“A person can learn where these patterns started and be able to make some changes in their lives when they feel ready to do so.”
4. Couples in love look forward to being together soon and make an effort to find each other
When you’re in love and want to be with someone, you’ll make time for them, no matter how crazy your life is at the moment.
“Couples in love eager to see each other can tolerate being apart, but are excited when they are together,” says Solomita.
“They look forward to shared experiences, have less trouble supporting their partners in their interests, and consider their partners’ wants and needs more readily.”
It’s a matter of making your life happy with someone else.
On the other hand, couples who are together for convenience live more parallel lives.
“While they spend time together, there is less joy in that time and time may not feel like a shared experience,” she says.
“There’s relief when they’re apart, and they rarely think about their partners or hope to get together again.”
5. Couples in Love Make Decisions Together
Couples who are really in love make a point of consulting each other about major decisions.
“They think of the other person when they make decisions because it’s ‘us’ rather than ‘me,'” said psychotherapist and author, Dr.
Jill Murray.
For example, if you are offered a job, consider how it will affect your time together.
“Couples in love consider their partner’s feelings equally as their own,” she says.
“They really respect each other as a person, not just as a roommate or just any company.”
6. Couples in Love Find Little Ways to Stay Connected and Strengthen Their Bonds Every Day
Couples who are truly in love feel emotionally connected to each other in meaningful ways, says Murray.
Neither partner really feels “used”, and if a partner’s needs are not met, they will be presented.
Couples who are together for convenience tend to express their problems to other people and the emotional connection with their partner is not necessarily there.
Conclusion
Even if you think your relationship is just a matter of convenience, you can still add some love to it.
According to Myra, small, thoughtful gestures of support and appreciation can do wonders for a relationship.
“Being courteous with your time, energy, and desires are great ways to show that you care about someone,” she says.
According to her, it is very possible to create a soulmate. He doesn’t always come like this when you first meet him, so a little effort can change things if that’s what you really want.
