You are faced with the question: break up – yes or no? You feel that this partnership is no longer working and is unhappy and that you are getting in the way. Love is gone and feelings are long gone. But somehow you just can’t draw the final line. Your fear of doing something wrong or being alone again is very great.
Not breaking up out of fear is just as wrong and bad as starting a relationship out of fear. It will not work. Put aside your fear. Ask yourself: what bad could happen? Usually, the only answer should be that you are alone again and your life is in your hands again. It can be a little scary at first, but it takes just that step to open up to something new again. Something that might be right.
Get over the pain of separation
After a breakup, you must be absolutely focused on yourself. The most important thing is that you regain balance – not just in terms of your internal state, but also your external state. Maybe you need to look for a new apartment or get rid of old objects. Do you have to reorganize your everyday life, your circle of friends, and your hobbies?
Do wounds need to heal and should the headache go away? Use all the time in the world for this. Anyone who immediately enters a new relationship after a short separation phase stumbles very quickly into a fresh start. So the next partner is there to work on or cover up old experiences and emotions, and that wouldn’t be fair to them. Imagine what it would be like for you to start a relationship with someone who has not yet gotten over the pain of separation.
Breakup Pain: Coming to terms with a failed relationship
If you want to get over a breakup, you shouldn’t set a deadline. This differs from person to person. Some need a few weeks, others several months. No matter how long the pain of separation lasts, it has a right to exist. You have to get used to the new situation again and come to terms with it.
Then you can think about what you want, what you no longer want, what you learned from your previous relationship, and what your new potential partner needs to bring with them. Anyone who hasn’t dealt with the pain of separation takes it with them into a new relationship, which can lead to mistrust, jealousy, insecurity, or other negative side effects.
Separation Pain: Men and Women Process It Differently
Do men have different experiences of separation pain than women? The answer is a resounding yes! Of course, both suffer because of love. The intensity of this longing depends on several factors. How long did the relationship last? Were there plans for the future? Did the partner also feel the same? The person you imagined a family with? The more space the ex-partner takes up in life, the harder it is to fill it again.
This is how women deal with the pain of separation
Many women tend to look for faults in themselves. Could I have done more? Did I have to fight harder? Is there something wrong with me? Women try to analyze separation. They look for the point where the relationship started to break up and then consider whether they could have avoided it.
As women are often faster than men at imagining and imagining a future together, they have to face several explosive dreams. Unfortunately, in addition to homesickness, they often have doubts about themselves.
This is how men deal with the pain of separation
Men are no less emotional. A breakup can leave them devastated. But they are more pragmatic. It didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be – that’s often their conclusion. To dwell in the past, to feed the intensity of love with old memories, and relive key moments of the relationship in your mind? This is not your way. Men get distracted and try not to analyze the past. The pain of separation usually passes faster with them than it does with women.
Breakup pain: 4 tips to get rid of it
Right after the end of a relationship, the headache is particularly great. These are the top five tips on how to relieve it. So: Time heals all wounds.
1. The reminder box
Gifts from your ex-partner, shared photos, pieces of clothing, and company – in your apartment you still remember a lot of your previous love. You don’t have to throw these things away, but get them out of sight. The constant reminders of your ex-partner and previously happy moments only hurt unnecessarily. Get a moving box and put everything in there.
2. Cancel Contact
“We can remain friends!” – a phrase that perhaps has a very good meaning and also works as a wish on both sides. But not in reality. If you’ve just broken up and homesickness is eating away at your heart, you can’t befriend your ex. Maybe at some point, but not immediately after a breakup. You have to learn first that your life is now again without him or her.
3. Weekend planning
Weekends are the worst for many newly separated people – usually, they did something nice here with their partner or important tasks were taken off the list together. Now you must spend two whole days alone at once? Difficult. So try to plan your weekends. Visit your family or friends, take a city tour, or take a class. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
4. Optimize your self-esteem
Do something for yourself. Put on your favorite outfit, get dressed up, go shopping or go to the spa, get a massage, or get a complete makeover. Anything that makes you feel active, attractive, and comfortable in your body is fine. That way you don’t give self-doubts a big target. If you feel like the pain of separation is draining all your energy, exercise and get some fresh air. There is nothing better for the psyche.
The Pain of Breakup Isn’t the End of Everything
Believe that love will find its way to you. If that relationship didn’t work, then it wasn’t right either. As painful as it may be and as wrong as it may seem at first, if a relationship falls apart, there is a good reason for it. The most important thing right now is that you don’t go into the pain of separation and love and give up. Work through your headache, disappointment, and injury, and then risk a fresh start.