One message from just this online encounter and her heart sank – the beginning of all love can be so beautiful. But despite all the overwhelming signs of being in love, one feels suddenly spreads between the two of you: the fear of a new relationship. But where do these doubts come from and how can you prevent them from dividing you again?
The fear of a new relationship can have several reasons. Whether you’re worried or your online date suddenly breaks up, this fear of commitment plunges you into emotional chaos. Most often, bad childhood experiences, a previous relationship, or psychological problems occur. Above all, the fear of further disappointment or the loss of one’s self-determination guides withdrawal.
The problem: Everything we enjoy — including a new relationship — comes with risks. A pronounced fear is like an emergency brake: suddenly you don’t take another step, the alarm goes off and you run away from the situation. The good news, however, is that being afraid of attachment doesn’t mean you or your girlfriend can’t relate.
This is how you can deal with the fear of new relationships
In many cases, the fear of a new partnership is based on old experiences. But you should see this as an opportunity: you can learn from mistakes and we grow from those drastic experiences. You can only look to the future through basic acceptance and working on your old relationships. The following help can guide you:
- In the beginning, you need to make it clear where your fear of a new relationship really comes from. If you know why you can’t commit, one thing above all helps: Speak up. Feel free to stay open. Successful communication builds understanding and trust.
- Before getting involved in more stuff, you must also formulate your expectations precisely. What do you want from a relationship, what compromises do you never want to make? You can carefully add these points to your online meeting and thus avoid potential disappointments.
- But don’t compare every step of your date with previous partners. Instead, you should consider what a relationship has to offer. Abandoning love, security, and trust just because you are afraid of a new relationship is definitely too high a price.
- But that also doesn’t mean you have to rush things. Feel your way up slowly – with your former partner you may have been able to get completely carried away at times; it has to be learned again first. Building trust takes time.
- That’s why you now have to actively step out of your comfort zone and open up to your partner. Take a bird’s-eye view of your situation and you’ll quickly realize that your fears may not be objectively justified. Even if your current impulse is to run away, fight it. Because you take your behavior pattern with you when you shift into reverse. Unfortunately, you have to face your fear to defeat it.
- In addition, self-love is also a central mechanism for combating fear of new relationships. Focus on friends, hobbies, and your career, and enjoy your single life. Only when you are at peace with yourself is there a room for a relationship without the fear of having to give up control. You also know that you don’t have to take rejection personally. Because: you are great!
- If none of this helps and you have to deal with particularly traumatic experiences from your past, you should never shy away from going to a therapist. In most cases, there are ways to get rid of your fears, as long as you accept a helping hand.
Your boyfriend is afraid of a new relationship
If your online date suddenly withdraws and moves away from you, it could be the fear of new relationships. He or she has noticed that things are getting more serious now – and while your date is apparently actively looking for a relationship, emotional baggage takes over. What can you do?
- Give it time: It’s hard to back off during the early stages of dating, but what you need most right now is patience. Take your time with the relationship and give your boyfriend the time he needs to build trust.
- Talking helps: You can openly communicate with the person you are dating so that they feel that there may be fears involved. But beware of too quick judgments. Approach this subject slowly and questioningly, after all, he is serious.
- Just be present: An important part of your patience is clearly signaling to your potential partner that you are on their side. He or she needs exactly that help from you, especially in times of uncertainty. At the same time, you must not be aggressive. For people with relationship anxiety, this can lead to panic and a sense of loss of control.
- Acceptance over censorship: Hold back with censorship or attacks and don’t express high expectations of your online date. You must urgently avoid anything that might restrict your counterpart or that might make him feel offended.
- Good times: Focus on having positive experiences together. Even if you don’t fall asleep arm in arm after a date, all your meetings, every phone call, and other contacts slowly build trust, unsurprisingly.
Fear of a new relationship is not a stopsign
It’s not uncommon to be in love but scared of a relationship. Love makes you vulnerable, we all just have to accept it. But all the experiences of the past belong exactly there – and forgoing new ones in the future would be too high a price, which this fear exacts in the worst case. So your partner and you have to be brave, you can trust your heart. With enough patience, he will guide you on the right path.