Lies, lack of confidence, doubts, disappointments, conflicts, disputes… This is what your marital daily life is made of. The atmosphere is too heavy. Today, solve the two carelessnesses that make a couple in crisis. Take matters into your own hands. Correct the shot … before the final fed up.
Couple in crisis: how did we get there?
Today, you are a couple in crisis. Conflicts keep you away from each other. Despite your attempts to save your couple, nothing works. Only, you don’t want to settle for separation, you want to stay in the relationship.
- Either, you fear the departure of darling (e). You want to take matters into your own hands before your partner imposes separation on you.
- Either, it is you who hesitate. You can’t take it anymore. Leave or stay? You may be on the verge of losing hope. You are on the verge of packing your bags.
Any couple in crisis has the resources to reconnect …
But beware, there is an essential element to save a couple in crisis. There must be reciprocal attachment.
What is your situation?
- Are you attached to darling? Does your partner have a semblance of attachment? Yes? So, you have the essentials to save your couple in crisis. Let’s go!
- Is there no more attachment? You don’t know what unites you today? You assume you are staying for the kids? Do you suppose to stay for material comfort?
Do not risk a separation that you may regret. In a situation of a couple in crisis, we doubt our attachment. This is normal . Your heart is embittered by unexpressed frustrations.
Your relationship is a source of stress and annoyance. All that matters to you today is to assert your personality. You are on the defensive. So you pretend not to love anymore. But the truth is, the ton of frustrations blinds you.
Once your heart is freed from its frustrations, you will be more serene, relieved and at peace. At that point, you can assess your attachment.
You can correct it before your spouse slips into the arms of one or another. Today, we are establishing the user manual to get you out of the situation of a couple in crisis!
Pull up your suspenders, dry your tears. Be ready to reconnect with your partner! Read and act!
Here is the plan.
- First, you need to understand why you are a couple in crisis.
Know that two negligence are responsible for conflicts in the couple. These negligence are common and surmountable , even on the brink of separation.
- Then apply the 9 communication tips below.
Warning! I know you are probably running out of time. You feel the urgency of the situation. I know you are afraid of losing your spouse. But don’t jump right into the tips!
Read the two steps carefully one after the other. This procedure is essential to maximize your chances of saving your couple in crisis.
It is about your life as a couple. It is about your family life. Don’t take any chances. Do it right. See what happens most often. Today, you have all the will in the world to reconnect. You are so distressed. You really want the situation to get better. So, naturally, you say you are ready to listen.
Except that you will fail in your attempt to save your couple. You say you want to speak to fix things. But at a time some , you braquerez against your spouse (e). To save your couple in crisis, to be on the defensive is the ERROR not to commit. If you are not able to listen, impossible to reconnect permanently. Impossible to see the end of the tunnel. Your relationship is doomed to failure.
The tips are simple. But, if you skip step 1, you risk applying the tricks awkwardly.
Reading step 1 is essential to being able to listen , persevere and put your pride aside. After becoming aware of your mistakes, you can make the correct changes in an informed manner.
Your relationship is unique, but the two reasons that make a couple in crisis are universal.
The two universal negligence that makes a couple in crisis
You are a couple in crisis because …
- Your needs are neither considered nor respected.
- Darling’s needs are neither considered nor respected.
It is stupid. It is even ridiculous. After all, we love each other. It is illogical to lack attention and respect for the needs of others. However, this is the reason that makes you a couple in crisis.
Robin William says in one of his films: “Love is not generous. He is selfish. “ It’s true. We tend to ask too much in love. We have high expectations. And, our expectations do not take into account the needs of our partner.
The truth is that we love. But we love very badly !
Today, you have ras-le-bol of the situation? You have your share of responsibility. You did not know how to make respect your needs. You are a couple in crisis because you cannot assert your needs.
Darling is in full rebellion? In fact, even if you thought you were listening to darling, you were listening poorly.
1) You are a couple in crisis, because you are in a daily limiting relationship
Above all, comfort yourself in your distress. Conflict is a good thing. In fact, the conflict reveals that the partners refuse to be eaten by the other. Conflict does not mean a lack of love for the other.
Just because we don’t get along anymore doesn’t mean we don’t like each other anymore. No, there is a conflict because the partners refuse to be dominated by the other. There are conflicting needs there. There is a struggle to stay yourself. There are adversaries who love each other personally. Lovers love each other enough to oppose darling who wants to kill their personality.
The conflict has something touching about it. No, I’m not crazy … See for yourself. Tell me, is the well-being of darling important to you? Your partner does not want to fold? He or she objects in the name of his self-love. Are you not touched by her desire to take care of her needs? Do you not find his attitude admirable and legitimate?
And then finally, when one of the partners flees and is distant, we think that he or she no longer loves us. But, he or she simply refuses to be submissive and to fold. When a partner decides to leave, it is not necessarily for lack of love for the other.
If darling leaves, it is mainly out of love for oneself. One fine day, we open our eyes to the beautiful prison that is life as a couple together. So we leave, the desire to respect our needs is vital. And it’s legitimate.
2) You are a couple in crisis because you are unable to develop yourself
To be happy together, you must already be happy alone. To be able to love the other, you must already love yourself. If I am not happy personally, I appreciate the time when the other makes me happy. Finally, I always expect the other to make me happy.
I end up believing that the role of the other is to make me happy. With these expectations, it is normal to be a couple in crisis!
In fact, when the other no longer responds to my desires, I make him responsible for my misfortunes. Frustration is expressed through reproaches. More and more, the relationship is deteriorating. I naturally think that happiness is in the arms of another. So, I dream of my ex who, in the end, is not that bad. I fantasize about the neighbor. Finally, I confide in another. I commit adultery.
Do you want to overcome the situation of a couple in crisis? So stop believing that the other is responsible for your happiness. Take responsibility. Your needs are YOUR needs, not hers. Ask yourself.
- If darling spends time taking care of my needs, who takes care of his or her needs?
- Wanting darling to take care of me at the expense of his needs at all costs, does it mean respecting darling?
The question is, “What can you do to be happy in the relationship?” “And not” what can I do to make you happy? “
But how do we make each of us take care of ourselves?
We must accept that our needs are our responsibility. My problems are not his problems. We have to accept that our spouse says no.
I can’t seem to be happy or happy alone.
In fact, who does not know who he is is not fulfilled. Anyone who doesn’t know what makes them vibrate, doesn’t do the things they love and can’t vibrate. Finally, when the other no longer provides us with well-being, when he does us a disservice, we accuse the couple of being the reason for our lack of fulfillment.
The point is, you are responsible for your own needs. Your partner has their own needs which he or she must take care of. Do you want your partner to stay by your side? So guide him to find his reason for being, his passions, projects that will fulfill him.
There, you have just grasped the essentials. You are a couple in crisis because you are lovers who are frustrated at having your needs minimized and oppressed. There is a couple in crisis when the lovers are not themselves in the relationship. They are just the puppets of love. We also make the other responsible for our misfortune.
After understanding this, you know what to do.
The way to reconnect is communication . To save your couple as a couple, you will have to listen to everyone’s needs and define the solutions.
Outstanding listening to save your couple in crisis
1) Offer to take stock
The first thing to do to save your couple is to encourage communication. Jaded by a deadly conflictual relationship, the partners avoid each other or play indifference. How do I get darling to speak? In fact, considered and listened to, darling disarms itself.
Offer darling to take stock of your relationship. You must at all costs demonstrate your interest in your partner’s unheard and unspoken needs. Be sincerely interested in what the other person is feeling. Be sincerely interested in the quality of his life experience with you. Basically, give the other person an opportunity to tell you their four truths.
Show concern for his present and past needs. Yes, resentment often mistreats the relationship. Chéri (e) appreciates your interest in the quality of her conjugal experience with you. (Of course, proud and proud, we don’t admit it).
During the assessment, you must understand the needs of your spouse. To save your couple in crisis, you must put your finger on what he or she is deeply about .
Your spouse expresses his needs. Finally, he or she feels he exists. There, your couple in crisis multiplies their chances of reconnecting.
2) Schedule a meeting
Yes, you can’t take it anymore. But, do not force darling to take stock right away. Planning a meeting has many advantages.
- First, you care about your partner’s availability. This delicacy is a good point for you! Let’s not forget that you are a couple in crisis. Darling is probably on the defensive. He or she has other cats to whip.
- Your spouse is preparing his speech. He or she reflects on the sensitive subjects to be addressed. On your side, you also reflect on your frustrations and your needs.
- Finally, your exchange has every chance of being constructive.
When planning the meeting …
3) Propose topics for discussion
The goal is to better understand the needs of darling. You have experienced things. During the assessment, darling will take you out of the files that are sensitive to her. All the same, suggest things to discuss on D-Day. You could suggest that he think about his frustrations during the birth of a baby, during your forced move, etc.
On your side, also target the subjects that are sensitive to you.
Even better. Together, make a list of the events that marked your relationship. Each on your side, think about your frustrations and your related needs.
4) Offer to establish a list of satisfactions
Yes, there have been downs! Given the moody and electric, we do not doubt it. BUT, there were GOOD moments. These must be cited during the meeting. After all, listening is also helping others achieve good in their lives.
Of course, we are listening. We must not impose on the other side the good sides of the relationship. Darling must realize it by himself or herself. Before the meeting, offer darling to reflect on the positive points of your relationship. For each topic of discussion, invite darling to consider what he or she appreciated in your home.
For your part, you too, list the positive points of the relationship. Note the appreciable behaviors of darling.
5) Offer to establish a list of requests
We are a couple in crisis because we have this feeling of oppression. Of course, darling discourages some of our needs. But we are responsible for our actions , as for our failed acts! Do you feel oppressed? The first person to send a request to is yourself.
What can you do to feel free? What can darling do to feel free?
Often we do not take care of our needs. As a result, we are eternally frustrated. We do not provide solutions that come from ourselves. It must be said that it is comfortable to ruminate without moving our small buttocks. As if the solution came from the other. Like this everything was due to us.
With each frustration , think about your needs . First think about what you can do to satisfy them. Then, if appropriate, think about how the other person can help you.
Before the assessment, invite darling to reflect on his frustrations, his needs and the solutions.
On the day of the review, it may be easy for darling to let go of his frustrations. He or she is shy about his needs and solutions. It’s your turn! Whenever he or she expresses frustration, ask darling about their needs. Listen to his need carefully. Then ask, “What can you do to meet your needs?” “
For example. Your daily life suffocates you. Do you need to see your friends more often? It is a request that you make to yourself. “To feel free, I need to see my friends more often. From now on, I take responsibility for doing this. “
If you have children and lack organization, you make a request to your partner. “Is it possible for you to babysit the children while I am away one afternoon a week?” Darling is not required to respond favorably. He may not be able to. But, thanks to good organization, you will get cooperation.
6) SEE who the other is
When frustration only requires listening…
According to Jacques Salomé, there are needs that simply need to be heard. Sometimes we just want the other to finally realize who we are. We just need the other SEE the unique person in us. Dare to ask the other.
- “You are convinced that I do not know who you are … So tell me, who are you?” “
- “What did I not understand? “
- I neglected some of your injuries. What are they? “
Offer to reflect each on your side: what am I that the other could not see? You will discuss this during the review.
At the very beginning of the meeting…
7) Offer a break between meetings
Plan to fragment the balance sheet. For example, meet on Monday, continue on Wednesday. This will allow each of you to meditate on what has been said. At the next meeting, new points can be discussed. Great, because reconnecting effectively means communicating on as many frustrations as possible. Once again, darling secretly appreciates this opportunity to speak about his 1001 frustrations.
8) Offer to speak in turn
Talking in turn helps minimize interruptions. Whoever speaks continues on his ideas. Through our silences, we encourage the other to say whatever he or she has to say. This time to speak is yours. Say what you have to say. Let us specify to the other that this time is reserved for him. Indeed, the other can get upset about our lack of communication…
For example, in turn, express yourself on a particular subject.
Darling: Discussion topic (parenting)> frustration> need> request
You: Discussion topic (parenting)> frustration> need> request
9) Prevent the purpose of your interruptions
You pretend to want to communicate, but you have the nerve to interrupt it? Darling still risks getting angry. Spouses want their needs to be understood. The fact is that it is not very constructive to listen without understanding. You must interrupt your partner if you do not understand her or understand her. You must enter his message.
The interruption must be understood to be accepted. Warn that you might interrupt it in order to understand. Of course, don’t interrupt with each sentence. Stop when you are really confused.
Why do you think you are a couple in crisis?
Do you feel oppressed in your relationship?