The criteria for choosing a partner are more diverse today than ever before. Although in the past we could not choose a partner ourselves, in today’s western societies it is customary for us to make the decision about the love of life ourselves. According to our romantic notion, the arrow of love is really doing well – but behind it, there are some criteria for choosing a partner.
The more diverse our society, the broader the criteria by which the choice of partner is ultimately made. However, some points have already been established in the research. The weight of these is, however, completely individual and also differs depending on the situation.
1. Social status
The status of the dating partner continues to play an important role. Not only because we generally find people with approximately the same level of education in our environment – but also because we expect new development opportunities for ourselves from a similar status in terms of money and prestige. In this way, partners can complement each other perfectly and advance each other.
It’s understandable that we don’t want to hear it, but attractiveness still plays an important role in the criteria for choosing a partner. This includes features like general appearance, facial expressions, and gestures, but also modes. In general, charisma is important, as health and fertility are often associated with appearance. The nose, in particular, plays a decisive role here. No wonder you need to be able to smell someone – because our sense of smell recognizes genetic profiles and compares them.
How attractive someone looks to you is also a product of culture and fashion. But some features have a worldwide effect: Symmetry and uniformity are seen as beautiful across the world. Habit is also important, however, if, for example, an important caregiver looks like the dating partner, this can give unconscious positives. In addition, we often orient ourselves on a similar level in terms of appearance in choosing a partner, as we are afraid of rejection but also of “putting down”.
Do the opposites attract themselves? That might be true for a one-night stand, but when it comes to love, research shows the opposite: True to the similarity principle, we especially like people who aren’t too different from us. We like to share interests and hobbies, and we want to be equally active and thus complement each other in life. Lifestyle similarities also increase our self-esteem: here, someone has made the same decisions and seems happy with them.
A similar approach to life is also one of the criteria for choosing a partner. There is a lot of potential for conflict, for example, when the potato couch meets a capable bon vivant. Reliability, security, safety, and humor – are important factors for many of us when looking for a partner.
When it comes to religion, opinions differ, and more difficult it is to overcome differences in a relationship. Values and morals also play an important role here. We want someone who is so loyal to us, who we can trust, and who treats us with honesty and respect. The political opinion should not be neglected at this point either.
6. Relationship style
How much closeness can we allow, and how much distance do we need at least? This is one of the crucial issues when it comes to a harmonious relationship. Other criteria for choosing a partner are the role gender plays, how much time you want to spend together, and whether the boyfriend prefers a monogamous partnership or a polygamous life. The desire to have children can also be an important criterion for choosing a partner for a woman or a man.
7. Judgment of the environment
According to several studies, judgments from the immediate environment are also important criteria for choosing a partner. Many depend on friends (48 percent), siblings (35 percent), and parents (31 percent) because they must know very well who suits you. In addition, outsiders without rose-tinted glasses often have a more objective view of the emerging partnership.
The father’s opinion when it comes to the psychology of partner choice is less important – although the opinion of both parents counts equally for half of the respondents, 35% listen to the mother more. Children also play an important role. According to a representative study, 35% of singles can only imagine more when their little ones also like the newcomer.
Choice of partner: woman’s criteria
The more prosperous and developed a society, the fewer men differ from women in choosing a partner. This is especially true of evolutionary psychological theories, according to which women are unconsciously looking for a “kind of provider” who brings money, reputation, and relationship stability. As a result of emancipation, this factor plays a smaller and smaller role, but it has not completely disappeared. “Downdating” is still quite uncommon for women today.
Consequently, women proceed more carefully when choosing a partner. In terms of evolutionary biology, females can produce far fewer offspring than males and must therefore find a suitable mate more quickly. Men with a triangular body shape – that is, broad shoulders without a waist – look particularly fertile.
Man choosing a partner: the psychology behind it
To date, the results of the study indicate that appearance is far more important for men than for women. The psychological theory behind this says that it doesn’t hurt for a man to reproduce if he has many partners, which is why they need quick-dating decision-making criteria. This is still the look. The supposedly stronger gender prefers an hourglass figure and a uniform face that radiates health.
But men don’t act purely in terms of looks. According to one study, loyalty matters to 39% and about a third want a warm and sincere person by their side. But one thing counts more: 41% of men trust unconditional love. The mother also plays an important role in the psychology of partner choice: we unconsciously orient ourselves towards family habits, even though, according to a study by Parship, only 57% of men think that the mother and the partner have something in common. common.
Criteria for choosing a partner: this is how you deal with it
There is no true definition of mate choice. Ultimately, our intuition decides who we fall in love with, even if there are supposedly rational criteria behind it. Also, each of us weighs factors in partner choice differently, although we like to orient ourselves “up” – after all, we want to optimize ourselves and not allow ourselves to be dragged down.
But what does this mean for the dating phase? The first thing to do is not to fake it. Not just because they score authenticity, but also because we don’t have the partner selection criteria for free – because they show us how well we will harmonize in a partnership. This is useful for your own research: for example, you can create a list of the points that are particularly important to you and discreetly refer to them during your courtship.