Relationship: Yes!, Relationship: No! In an on-off relationship, at least one of the two partners alternately presses the imaginary button. The phenomenon is observed in couples who separate and are always reunited. But why do people repeatedly expose themselves to such unstable partnership situations?
We want to explain the reasons for this stressful breakup and reconciliation interaction and show you the psychology associated with on-off relationships. Don’t forget to inform yourself about the following tips in the two different solutions.
5 triggers for the constant back-and-forth in relationships
There are complex psychological causes that lead people to prefer being involved in a partnership of change rather than having a happy relationship or being alone. Psychology sees the causes of on-off relationships in unexplained fears, desires, needs, and yearnings.
Many on-off relationships are characterized by a couple dynamic, in which partners are caught in an exhausting cycle of demand and withdrawal. Often, these are different needs of proximity and distance. Sometimes, however, trust has also been abused, and while partners want to try a fresh start, the painful past holds them back. It is also common to expect changes in behavior that are promised but do not occur. Regardless of the myriad reasons, on-off relationships always have in common that they strain, drain your strength, and often end up preventing a true fresh start with a partner with whom a truly happy relationship would be possible.
We will explain in detail what the causes are.
1. The timeout
It’s this sinister break in the relationship that puts many couples in an on-and-off relationship. As a rule, a break often seems to be the last solution when a crisis becomes almost unbearable. The word suggests the option of reconnecting with love after a certain period of living together. However, there is no statistical evidence that such a method saves the partnership. For some, a new beginning awaits at the end, and for others the final breakup interview. If topics remain unresolved, the frequency of on-off status may increase.
2. The problem of proximity and distance
Yearning for an intimate bond and independence at the same time is a topic that is likely to result in many partnerships as a reaction to relationship problems. The main questions are: How much closeness do you tolerate so you don’t feel embarrassed? How much freedom do you allow yourself without completely distancing yourself from each other? Couples who especially struggle with this proximity-distance issue get into the mechanics of an on-off relationship more quickly than others.
3. Dependence on the ex-partner
You just can’t forget about your ex. Even if it has been some time since your love ended, he or she is still present in your life. Desperately trying to come to terms with the past through new relationships after a breakup is often a good breeding ground for an intermittent relationship. You haven’t completely faced the love phases because you always yearn for a new bond.
4. Narcissism
At first, he will flood you with words and promises that everyone wants to hear. But when it comes to the person’s own needs, you are emotionally blackmailed or even undervalued. If a narcissist sees that you are looking behind this mask and wants to free yourself from the constellation, he will apply all strategies to be able to control you even more – for example, through a changing relationship.
5. Attachment disorders
The inability to relate and attachment fears can often stem from childhood trauma and significantly determine the psychology of on-off relationships. The fear of loss forces you to cling to your partner more than you would like. Since many people know about these phobias, you’d rather give up a stable partnership right away. It’s the lack of commitment that means people with a pronounced form of attachment disorder engage in a changing relationship more quickly.
What action recommendations are there depending on the situation?
The back-and-forth on the roller coaster of emotions should not become a permanent state. So we give you some advice on how you can break out of this never-ending cycle to bring the relationship back to a positive starting position or when you should finally end an on-off relationship.
1. When do “On” and “Off” end?
The back-and-forth on the roller coaster of emotions should not become a permanent state. So we give you some advice on how you can break out of this never-ending cycle to bring the relationship back to a positive starting position or when you should finally end an on-off relationship.
speak
The back-and-forth on the roller coaster of emotions should not become a permanent state. So we give you some advice on how you can break out of this never-ending cycle to bring the relationship back to a positive starting position or when you should finally end an on-off relationship.
be consistent
Persisting to the end of the relationship is particularly difficult after a relationship that goes through a roller coaster of emotions. However, once you have cleared up your feelings and lack of love, you should stick to your step of finally ending the on-off relationship. You can be sure that one more back and forth won’t bring any change.
Uncheck “off” for one-sidedness
Are you unhappy in love? And your one-sided efforts come to nothing because the other person doesn’t reciprocate your love? Not a meaningful foundation for a long-term relationship! Be brave and focus entirely on yourself first. Only then will you be ready for a new partner again.
Lots of relationship problems
If you lose sight of the love because of all the trouble, push the “off” button. If too many negatively affected topics come into focus, which repeatedly leads to conflict, only frustration arises in the long run. The declaration of war against the change of partnership is, therefore: Better an end with horror than a horror without end!
Enough of self-determination
Has the on-off relationship pushed you into a corner where you are no longer yourself? Then let’s go! A partnership must function equally and on an equal footing. Don’t let yourself be determined by others. That love can even make you sick in the long run. We advise you to permanently end this form of on-off relationship.
2. Can an on-off relationship be saved?
Even though the switch between separation and reconciliation tends to have a negative aftertaste, your relationship can still be saved if the following aspects are more important.
There is a basic agreement
If you find that you are in agreement on most points in your changing relationship, there is already a good mood that helps improve the on-off relationship. Couples counseling, for example, can often provide clarity and support to the process. Chances are good that the interaction will be directed towards a steady and harmonious relationship through professional support.
you have feelings for each other
Despite adverse circumstances, you still love each other. An emotional foundation is still the number one cornerstone for a partnership that works. So focus more on your feelings for each other. It hides other disturbing factors that want to “turn off” the relationship.
There are improvements in sight
The probability that you will find a positive way out of a relationship between two people is given if both partners show a willingness to work constructively on the mutual bond. If you are already working on improvement measures, chances are high that the love button will remain in the “On” position.
Conclusion: on or off? Make a decision and hold on to it
Ultimately, an ongoing on-off relationship involves making a final decision. If love cannot be saved from within, it does not mean the end of the world. Because in every end there is also a beginning. And in a new partnership, instead of constant stress, can give you the stability you wish you had. Maybe the lever stays “On” forever.
