Does he really love me or is he using me?

The difference between being loved and just being used

They say that love is blind. As a result that, many people always end up being used because they cannot see the signs. Without further ado, here are some of the criteria you can use to find out if you love him or if you are simply playing with your feelings for your own selfish gain.

1. How long does it take you to text / call back?

If you want to know if he is in love with you or not, always pay attention to how you react when you text him. It doesn’t really matter if you jumped bungee jumping and are afraid of heights, once it hears the ringtone that designated you, it will definitely stop whatever it is that it is doing and call you back. If he doesn’t care or really loves you, then he won’t bother. You will play games and pretend you were too busy to take your call or even pretend you never saw the missed call/message. He’s only in the relationship to use it, and it may be because of the money, his status, or just because he doesn’t love him. In any case, if you’re really not making an effort to respond faster and you come up with silly excuses, walk away.

2. Is Bae making any effort to make you happy?

Let’s face it, if your man is truly in love with you, then he will surely do anything in his power to make you smile. If he doesn’t love you, then he won’t even bother. Whether it’s giving her money, romance, or being available and listening to all her problems. He will even cancel watching a game with his friends to give you a foot rub when you have cramps. When you have a fever, it will make you soup (or you will die trying) so you can feel better. The list of things your man can do to make you happy is simply endless. But if he just doesn’t love you, then he won’t even bother. You will always find excuses for not making any effort. And most of the time, you will find yourself sad and feeling unwanted, especially in the long run.

3. Are you really comfortable with intimacy?

A man would do anything to be intimate with a woman he truly loves, so when you’re finally ready to be intimate with your guy and he’s really interested, then chances are he really wants to be with you. But if he doesn’t love you, then he might just be there to use you. Contrary to popular belief, men are quite easy to read and you can tell what they think simply by looking at their body language. That said, it wouldn’t hurt to pay a little more attention to what your man is up to, and in the end, you will certainly benefit a lot from knowing where he is. Remember not to overdo it so you don’t suspect something is wrong.

4. A man in love will always protect you

When your man doesn’t love you or is just using you, you will always know by noticing how he protects you. If he is not in love, he will always blame you for getting into trouble, or even if he stands up for you, you will never get to hear the ending. For him, protecting you will always feel like a job he has no other choice to do and that will make him complain a lot. But when his heart beats for your love, protecting you automatically becomes second nature. He will always open doors for you, gently hold your hand as you walk, and defend you during silly discussions with friends. That being said, you should always keep an eye out for such trends because they go a long way to show exactly where you stand with your man. You can never go wrong with this.

5. He communicates often if he really loves you

If he really loves you, he will always communicate. If there is something that bothers him about you, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem, he will always find a kind and courteous way to tell you. So you can chew with your mouth open and sometimes launch missiles of half-chewed food particles, but he will just take your hand, put a smile on your shrapnel-filled face, and tell you to stop. He will playfully do it and you will not be offended. However, if he doesn’t love you and is there just to use you, then he won’t see the need to communicate. In fact, a man who is there to use you will always use his flaws against you instead of talking to you. And why would I do that? Because you are looking for a reason to end the relationship once and for all.

6. He stays in touch

This is the same as showing interest. That said, if your man is madly in love with you, he will use every trick in the book to ensure relationships stay that way. For example, he’ll make sure he’s watching you out of nowhere, so he might end up calling you, texting, faxing, beating the drum, or sending a smoke signal, and so on to tell you that he loves you. Okay, you may want to remove the last two signs, I just realized that I have spent too much time with my grandparents.

7. He’ll get you more out of it if he really loves you

Even if money is the issue, your man will stop at nothing to take you on a date. Women have no idea what men do to keep a smile on their faces. Taking yourself out is a subliminal way to show the world how much he loves you. So the more he gets out of you, the more he wants to show everyone how lucky he is. If it’s himself and you don’t care, he will never bring up the subject of dates, for reasons he knows himself.

8. It is true love if he is involved in the relationship

Are you the one who is always collecting bills, buying food, cooking, cleaning, and picking up your pet? That’s a horrible sign because nothing shows disinterest more than not being invested in the relationship. Even when your boyfriend/husband is unemployed, you will always find a way to make up for your lack of financial support. For example, you could clean the house, look for the dog, and whatnot. If he doesn’t do that, then it’s safe to cut his losses and find someone who is willing to help him. But if he loves you as said, he will not have time to play because he sees your value, so he will always try to contribute and even give you money in an emergency. You will always do your part without waiting to be reminded because you have really invested in the relationship.

9. Does he introduce you to the people he cares about?

If he loves you, he will make sure to introduce you to all the important people in his life, including his friends, his family, and his colleagues, especially at social events and so on. But if he is using you, he will always find excuses to avoid having you around his friends. Heck, he might even go ahead and introduce you as his long-lost cousin. And if they ask why they never saw you, he will say you live in Antarctica or something like that. If you do that, don’t stay there because it will never get better. But if the love he feels for you is really genuine, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about because you will know for sure, as every time he introduces you, he will always be very proud.

10. Does he compliment you on a regular basis?

If he loves you, he will make sure to flatter him without overdoing things. If you do your nails, pluck your legs, or change your hair, he’ll notice. This happens because he really loves you and is giving you all the attention in the world. If he doesn’t care about you, you will surely do a lot of things and he won’t notice. Most of the time, it’s because he’s busy paying attention to someone else and that’s really a bad sign so it’s time for you to reach out to him about it and if he doesn’t change then it’s time to go.


Unfortunately, there are many fantastic women who feel trapped because they don’t know where they stand due to a lack of communication. If you feel like you’re in that position, the best thing to do at that point is to confront your man and ask him directly. Always be honest and tell him how you feel and once you do, it will be easier to know the truth on which you will build your relationship and your future in general. If you use the aforementioned criteria and find that he really loves you and is in a long-term relationship, good for you. Make sure you reciprocate and make him feel loved. Showing appreciation for your man is important because let’s face it, there aren’t many good men out there. Again, if you find out that you are only being used as a means to an end, ending the relationship is always the best option, no matter how difficult it may seem. The good thing about walking away from such a relationship is that the only way from the bottom is up. There will always be a man who is willing to love you for who you are and will treat you a hundred times better than your previous one. Take small steps and allow yourself to cry because not only does it make you stronger, but it also reminds you of your worth.