First date with ex after breakup? How to win him or her back!

Maybe after the contact was blocked, a message came out of nowhere saying that she would like to see him again. Or you still have a deep desire for her and now you want to approach her again on a date…

But a date with your ex-girlfriend after the breakup?

Is this even a good idea? Eventually, old wounds can reopen, and arguments and mutual injuries can result.

And if so – what’s the best way to behave like a man on a date so that the ex forgives you, falls in love again, and wants you back as a partner?

I will help you by answering these questions.

In this article, based on my many years of experience in relationships, I will tell you what are the 7 mistakes that you absolutely must avoid in the first meeting after the breakup …

Also, I will give you the 9 most useful tips with which you can gradually get your ex-girlfriend back when you meet!

Finding Your Ex After Breakup – A Good Idea?

Of course, you want to be around her again.

Look into her eyes, hug her, maybe even kiss her, and talk to her for hours about God and the world.

Everything could be like before when you were happy in your relationship…

At the same time, worrying thoughts plague you as to whether meeting your ex is really a good idea or if you should get the matter out of your head quickly.

The emotional risks of dating

I understand well your many reflections. After all, there are some risks to your emotional world in such a meeting:

  • Old arguments can end up literally “on the table” again when you’re sitting at the bar drinking coffee.
  • The encounter with the ex-girlfriend can degenerate into discussions about the breakup – which then leads to mutual accusations, mean words, and renewed emotional resentments.
  • You can make each other jealous if you share your contact with other women or tell your stories with other men.
  • You may get false or premature hopes if she approves of your date suggestion.
  • In love: One of you may fall in love with your ex-partner if, after a brief rapprochement, the other no longer wants a relationship.
  • You have more to nip into the pain of the breakup again if you haven’t already processed it properly.

But hey – we shouldn’t just paint it black.

After all, this meeting with an ex after blocking contact is the only chance to awaken your feelings and win them back.

And if you follow the right tips and avoid some mistakes, you reduce the risk of such scenarios.

You can only win her back on a date!

Therefore, you should definitely arrange an initial meeting if the opportunity arises.

To ensure that everything is not a mistake and does not end in a catastrophe, some requirements must be met:

  • You are completely over your breakup and no longer feel a great lack of love. This means that nothing can shock, hurt, or make you jealous so easily when you meet again. Not even when she talks about her encounters with other men…
  • You worked on your personality during the blocking contact phase and are able to come across as an attractive man again on the first date (in your ex-girlfriend’s eyes).
  • You continue to love her and can still imagine a relationship with her.

Is this your case? Are you ready? Does the interior “calm down” like Buddha?

So you might as well use a date as a chance to make your ex-girlfriend fall in love again and get her back!

Your ex wants to see you – how do you behave?

Perhaps you were surprised that your ex-girlfriend contacted you again and now wants to meet you.

It is even more important that you do not get carried away by anything in this situation. Instead, you must first listen to yourself and consider whether you are emotionally ready for this step.

So how should you act now? What are the good tips?

Before saying you’re head over heels or rejecting her, think carefully about your decision!

Have you already processed your separation? Are you “nausea-free”? Have you developed as a man in the last few weeks and months? Do you still want her back?

You should only be really acceptable if the requirements listed in the last section for a first date with an ex after the contact ban are met.

Also, it always depends on HOW your ex-girlfriend gets in touch!

Of course, it could be a sign that she still has feelings for you. But if you see that her intentions are not that serious or that she is even joking with you, I can only advise you not to see her again.

How to ask the ex-girlfriend after a meeting?

You pick up your cell phone and want to contact her to see her again.

But stop!

How can you arrange a date now, if possible WITHOUT canceling her? Are there any good tips?

Important: you should never give your ex-girlfriend the feeling that you are accomplishing the clear goal of winning her back.

If she gets the impression that you have high expectations, are starting to get attached again, and are desperate to be in a relationship, this could scare her off.

Especially when he’s still not as advanced as you are and not yet ready for a new version of your partnership.

Asking Your Ex Out on a Date: What Not to Do!

So, avoid the following mistakes when asking your ex about a first meeting:

  • Never use the word ”  date  “! This nasty “word” literally smacks of a romantic rapprochement and makes it very easy to see through your true intent!
  • Never say clear phrases like: “I miss you, I absolutely need to see you!” or “We can try again!” It makes you seem very needy and seem like you desperately want to win them back.
  • Avoid advertising an “enlightening conversation” or that you still have “a lot of open questions” about your breakup and want to “talk about it all over again.” Your ex begins to fear that it might be a difficult conversation with you that can only stir you emotionally and result in arguments and fights.

All of these statements and behaviors can hold you back and thus lead to rejection.

Tips on how to CORRECTLY ask her out on a date…

Instead of these errors, I recommend the following method:

Communicate subliminally that you have no expectations of your date in order to keep the “hurdles” to a date promise low!

If you ask her about a date, it should always seem like a short, no-strings-attached date with her ex that has nothing to do with getting back together.

Also, it should sound as positive as possible and signal (subtly!) with a hint that you’ve changed as a man during the no-contact phase.

By doing this, you basically give her a good feeling and a certain anticipation to see her again.

This type of date seems so “short and painless” to her that you still have the best chance of being accepted.

He or she doesn’t want to see you – why and what to do?

Your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to meet? It could be that you’ve made one of the mistakes just mentioned or that you seem needy again due to other behaviors.

Maybe she felt like she was going to hurt you. She might feel like you’re getting too attached again, have expectations, and want to earn them at any cost.

It makes you look unattractive and scares women.

Or your ex isn’t quite ready for a reunion yet because she hasn’t sufficiently processed her breakup and is struggling with her own emotions.

Whatever the reason, keep these three tips in mind:

1. Keep calm and give yourself and her a little more time!

2. In all these situations, you must first withdraw again to signal to her that you are not needy and that you have given her enough freedom.

3. Continue to mind your own business and slowly build positive contact again so that after about two weeks you can ask the ex again for a meeting!

7 mistakes when meeting your ex-girlfriend for the first time

Everything worked out and you plan to see your ex-girlfriend again? That’s good news, the first success…

But be careful!

The biggest mistake in this situation is to get your hopes up too much and show that to your ex-partner as well.

Remember: it’s just a first date – nothing more!

What might develop from this is still completely open…

Most men, however, scare their ex off with very intrusive behavior the first time they meet. Simply because they let it go, they have very high expectations of the date and want it very soon.

That’s why you should definitely avoid these phrases when you meet again (even if they’re literally on the tip of your tongue):

1. “To be honest, I still love you…”


“I never stopped loving you!”
“We can try again together!”

Such declarations of love and the like are absolutely taboo when meeting your ex-girlfriend for the first time after contact has been blocked!

This behavior is even more completely inappropriate if…

  • … you still touch her aggressively (holding hands, hugging, etc.), even though she still doesn’t want more intense physical contact with you.
  • … you stage a classic romantic date with him – with a candlelit dinner at an expensive restaurant, red roses, and other cheesy things.
  • … you give her flowers and gifts.

Let it be everything! The strategy does not lead to success!

Even if Hollywood love movies make us do it that way.

With these excessive searches and obvious advances, you are quickly losing your chances of reclaiming what dating has opened up for you.

Because your ex will most likely feel pressured about this at the meeting – especially if she isn’t quite ready for a fresh start yet or isn’t sure if she wants to do it all with you again!

This pressure that you put on her with these confessions of love generates extremely negative feelings, which she relates to you.

This quickly leads to the fact that she turns away from you again and does not get involved in a date with you for the time being!

2. “Have you met anyone new?”

Please do not ask about your relationship status when you see your ex!

This killer line with the possible “new friend” is a faux pas in many ways:

  • A woman immediately realizes that you just want to check that she is “available” and that you can still calculate your chances with her. Her intentions to recapture them are very obvious here.
  • The question might sound like you want to control them and are jealous of your ex. This apparent jealousy discourages her from starting over with you because she fears that you might behave too jealously, even in a new relationship, and that you might be overly restrictive. Not to mention the low level of self-confidence you convey to her with your jealousy.
  • If she talks about another man or her new boyfriend in her reply, it will bring unpleasant tension into your conversation. You might actually get hurt and feel jealous (which you might not be able to consciously control).
  • Her stories about her suitors and friends can also lead to arguments and feelings of humiliation when she tells you about the great qualities a guy can bring to her that she missed in you.

Therefore, you would do well to leave these topics alone, even if you are almost bursting with curiosity and these thoughts do not leave you alone!

3. “I have changed, really now!”

It’s not attractive behavior if you want to convince her with your words on the first date that you are now (again) the man of her dreams.

Let’s make a comparison:

This “begging” has the effect of a merchant in the bazaar desperately wanting to talk to the angry buyer about his old rugs.

Wouldn’t you be suspicious if someone tried to present their products in the best light? Don’t you think something MUST be wrong with this dealer?


The same principle applies to getting your ex back.

Instead of doing this clumsy self-promotion, you should subliminally convey, through “experience reports”, that you have further developed your personality as a man (see below!).

4. “Let’s talk about everything again, please!”

I understand that you want to know the exact reasons for your breakup. That you still have a lot of unanswered questions floating around in your head and that you can’t easily come to terms with everything.

Even so, you should NEVER talk about a broken relationship when you met your ex. Make sure you avoid this topic.

No “enlightening conversation”, no “relationship discussion” or similar conflict-prone things.

Get it out of your head first! It is not a promising method.

Also, don’t talk about the appearance of a new beginning between you.

It’s too early for all that!

The danger is very great that old wounds will reopen and your initially friendly conversation will turn into arguments and disputes.

Worst case scenario, you’ll get emotionally hurt again and throw things at each other that you both might later regret.

After all, when you meet your ex-girlfriend, you want to achieve the exact opposite:

You want to make her laugh again.

You want to awaken positive feelings in your ex-girlfriend so that she forgives you, feels at home in your presence and your love is awakened again.

This is the only way to win them back in the end!

5. “…but you never understood that!”

In general, you should avoid problems like the plague. Hold yourself back completely with accusations!

And yes: even if it’s just a mild criticism that you really don’t want to get angry.

Even the smallest spark of negative words can ignite major arguments on a date – like a lighted match you throw into dry weeds.

And if your ex comes up with allegations, criticisms, and accusations, you better stay calm and not respond in any way.

Then you just go on about another topic as if you heard your little taunt.

6. “I’m sorry about all of this…”

Of course, as an ex-boyfriend, you blame yourself for certain “mistakes” and expect her to forgive you.

Thoughts swirl, and feelings of “guilt” and remorse torment you.

But just as excuses are presented, they inevitably lead you into the conversation on the topic of “breakup” – one of the topics that, as I said, you should avoid.

So you should save the repair for a later meeting…

7. “Shall we go to my house? Or to yours?

An invitation to your house the first time you meet your ex-girlfriend is also taboo. His intentions to recapture them become all too obvious…

Because misunderstandings can arise when one person just wants something relaxed, but the other hopes for a serious relationship again. This then leads to renewed emotional chaos with mutual injuries and arguments.

Therefore, you should also think carefully about going home with your ex-girlfriend if she makes such a tempting suggestion on the first date after the breakup.

How to behave when meeting the ex? 9 rules!

Your task is clear: you must make your ex-girlfriend feel as positive as possible on the date.

She has to feel comfortable in your presence, that’s the plan.

Only with this strategy can you get her love to rekindle and she yearns to come back to you.

Remember the following 9 tips and rules if you want to win over your ex :

1. Neutral seats!

I have already explained above that you should avoid going out with you at home.

In order to make the meeting feel non-binding and not exert any pressure, you should meet in a neutral location if possible:

  • go to a cafe
  • go to the park (for a walk)
  • and simple things like that

However, an intimate atmosphere is still important when you meet again in public.

Make sure you choose a place where you can talk undisturbed (and possibly be closer to each other physically)!

2. Dress like your best moments!

Needless to say, you should show up for the date with your ex in the best prepared “state of the art”.

But that is not all:

You should bring back positive memories of your happy times when you meet again – and that starts with your clothes.

For example, was there a particular shirt you bought together on a fun shopping trip around town?

Then put it on so she automatically remembers the great moments of your relationship!

If no such concise garment exists, you can simply come up with a new and better style of clothing. Then a new hairstyle…

But only if it’s real and not fake to impress you!

Based on your new outfit, she’ll see at a glance when you say you’ve changed for the better!

3. Talk about your great experiences!

You should have experienced a lot of interesting things during the contact ban in recent weeks – to distract yourself from the lack of love and find yourself again.

As a first step, this provides the perfect topics for a conversation to win back:

On the date, you tell your ex in detail about the trips you took after the breakup or the cool new hobby that makes you totally happy.

Or what special people you’ve met everywhere.

To underline what was said, you could also take out your cell phone and show her the photos of your new life.

This behavior on the first date with the ex has several advantages:

  • She can see that you have really changed and become a new man.
  • With your thirst for adventure, you seem attractive again – just like you did at the beginning of your date and your relationship back then.
  • She will develop stronger feelings for you and may want to be a part of this exciting new life again, miss you, and want to be your partner again.

However, make sure you don’t make them jealous and hurt with your threads. Stories about your experiences with other women should be taboo – even if it’s just friendly!

And that you never make up or exaggerate any crazy stories, but always stick to the truth, it goes without saying, right?

4. Remind them of your good times!

There’s a magic phrase you can use to shake up your ex’s old love and win him back.

And this sentence is:

“You know what…?”

That said, you should remind your ex-girlfriend of your happy times in the past when you meet:

  • back then when we met (on the first or second date)
  • back when you first kissed and got together as a couple
  • back then, that great moment at the beginning of your relationship

Talk about key shared experiences that you both remember well and that have special meaning for both of you.

Because of these threads, she will start missing out on the good times with you. She will also remember the similarities you have and WHY you became a couple back then.

Maybe you can laugh together again over funny anecdotes from the past.

The strategy behind it: through such feelings, she may wish to try again for a partnership. Even because she realizes that she still loves you.

5. Present your visions to her!

But don’t just talk about past topics! In the next step, tell her what plans you have for your future (not your common possible!).

For example, you can say:

“I really want to go to Nepal one day, it’s next on my to-do list!”


“I really want to learn Spanish next year / get a motorcycle license, etc. I think now is the time!”

With these visions of the future, you show the ex of the date that you are a man who has goals and a mission in life. Women always find this attractive.

At the same time, you convey a certain independence. So that she doesn’t get the impression that you’re hooking up and starting over, just following her around.

Also, your ex can compare whether yours are in line with your future plans.

This will help them figure out for themselves if they are still right for each other as a couple.

6. Listen carefully to the ex during the meeting!

Another tip for your success: Of course, you shouldn’t just talk about yourself, you can quickly come across as self-absorbed.

Instead, give her enough space in the conversation to talk about her experiences during the contact ban and her plans for the future.

This gives her the feeling that you understand her and that you are still interested in her as a person.

But like I said above, change the subject quickly when she starts talking about conflicting things like her breakup, her “rebound” boyfriend, or other men!

Your conversation should always be positive so that you both feel good.

7. Mirror your body language!

You underline your similarities not only through stories from the past but also non-verbally with your body language.

Discreetly (!) Imitate their posture or drink coffee at the same moment when they are sitting together in the cafe.

And when she laughs heartily, you laugh with her.

The psychological effect behind this method:

It has been found that people who are mentally on the same wavelength subconsciously align their body language with each other.

You can also use this as a so-called “mirror technique” as I just described.

When you meet, your ex-girlfriend unconsciously has the feeling that you are in harmony and that you are very close.

This can reinforce his desire to get back in touch with you and win you back.

8. Don’t meet for too long!

An old saying goes, “You should stop when you’re in your prime!”

This strategy also applies to the first date with your ex-girlfriend.

Because what is most emotionally remembered about a date is the last impression, the last moment.

If your date is too long, it can get boring towards the end or even create uncomfortable tension if you run out of topics to talk about at some point.

In hindsight, your ex has the negative feeling that your date OVERALL was rather boring and/or tense (even if that only applies to the last few minutes of your union!).

So: keep your date short and tell her a plausible reason that you have something else important to do later!

So in hindsight, she will miss you even more and want to see you again on a second date!

9. After the first date with the ex…

To say goodbye, you should NEVER suggest the next meeting. This gives the woman the impression that you want a lot from her right away and try to push her into a relationship.

Instead, leave a meeting open! Give her time to digest your first date after the breakup and let it all go through her head.

That way, she can decide for herself if she’s ready to take another step toward partnership.

If she doesn’t get back to you afterward, you can write her a message after two or three days.

But DON’T ask, “Hey, how did you like the day before yesterday?”

Also, no hasty confessions of love, even if you are in total emotional chaos again after your date and your love for them has exploded again.

Then she thinks you’re starting to make out again and wants her back at all costs.

Instead, you must continue to be cautious and patient. Just suggest a cool second meeting for your ex – this time, a longer commitment that ties into your shared hobbies and interests.

It’s best to choose an activity that you enjoyed doing together during your relationship.

If this romantic encounter awakens old memories and yearnings for partnership in her, you can win them back little by little!