You have been in a relationship for a long time and you feel ready to welcome a child. Only here, he says deaf, turns the conversation, you list all the things that you can no longer do with a child. In short, he doesn’t want children.
But is this decision irrevocable? Fatherhood can be frightening or even anxiety-provoking, it is the fear of the unknown that often blocks future dads. What to do then to make your partner change his mind?
“Not right now”, “now is not the time”! These words, you are tired of hearing them. Rather than pointing out, sulking or worse announcing a decision that you might regret such as “I’ll leave you if you don’t want children”, try to communicate and especially to understand the reasons for this sometimes violent rejection of children.
Reassure your companion
First of all, reassure him about the arrival of this future child. Do you have a salary? Can friends lend you a changing table, childcare equipment? Is your mother already available to look after bibou? You just have to convince him that everything is already organized for the arrival of the child and that he does not have to worry.
Sometimes some men are just afraid of falling short of the responsibilities that being a father entails. Not wanting children is therefore an escape. The solution? Try to play down the situation.
Becoming an exemplary and perfect parent is Mission Impossible. It is normal to wonder about education, to wonder if we will be a model for our adolescents.
And then, you are not the first to doubt. You just have to look at the books, websites, and other magazines that talk about motherhood and fatherhood. Being a father or mother is not innate, just like you, it will learn on the job.
Dig into the past
And at the thought of not being an ideal father, men panic. Sometimes you have to look to the experience and the past. Some men don’t want to look like the father they had … or didn’t want to make the same mistakes over again. A violent, alcoholic, hateful father often leaves scars and trauma.
Others still simply feel the need to be pampered, pampered, and dread the arrival of a child who would take all the love of their wife. They then become suspicious of the child for fear of “losing” their wife.
Having a child often awakens those old buried subconscious fears. In this case, it is necessary to talk about it with your companion, or even to couples therapy to help him put his feelings into words.
If despite all these arguments, your companion remains undecided, why not give it a shot and leave it to chance? Sometimes you have to force the hand of the future father.
Suggest that she stop the pill to see what it is and let nature take its course. But avoid doing it behind her back, or you may find yourself alone, pregnant.
If, despite everything, your desire for a child turns into an obsession, and you have tried everything with your partner, then perhaps you should consider breaking up. Not all men are made to become fathers and some categorically refuse to have to disturb their daily and well-organized routine.
You can try the ultimatum “a baby or I’m leaving”, knowing that there are two possible outcomes: either this ploy works, or your spouse refuses. In this case, perhaps you should go in search of the man who will know how to satisfy your desire for a child.