Today we are going to talk about a frequent topic in many relationships. Would you like to learn to avoid constant fights with your partner and stop arguing ? Keep reading here. We will share some techniques that you can put into practice to have a healthier relationship.
The fact of being emotionally involved with someone, the expectations, the future plans that each one has, how to distribute the household chores and others are the main causes of conflicts.
Avoid constant fights, arguments, mistreatment, distrust … All these bad situations translate into an unhealthy and unstable relationship. Do you want to find balance and harmony in your relationship? It is the task of both of you to improve so that they heal all the wounds , smooth the rough edges and can have a healthy relationship.
Yes, we already know, relationships are usually somewhat complicated, especially when communication fails . This is one of the most important pillars if you want to form a serious and stable relationship.
First of all, we must clarify that arguing is not the same as fighting with your partner. Arguing is not fighting, as it only implies that two or more people have a point of view about something. In a discussion, there is only an exchange or debate of ideas, but always with respect.
On the other hand, in a fight there are aggressions, whether physical or verbal. There is no respect or consideration for feelings towards the other person. In them, anger or passion for wanting to impose your way of thinking dominates the situation, preventing you from listening to the other.
Why are there constant arguments between couples?
There are many factors that can generate constant couple discussions. Among them we can mention: problems in coexistence, at work, with the education of their children, etc.
However, the root of constant fights are mainly due to:
Different and dominant personalities
Opposites are not always attracted to each other and the fact that one of the two people has a strong and dominant character makes it difficult to avoid constant fights. The problem is when both people have a dominant character. Well, both will want to impose their point of view or have things done their way, regardless of the wishes and needs of the other.
In the event that both have a strong character, they will always be on the defensive and do not want to assume that they have done something wrong. Neither of them takes responsibility for their actions and they respond with scorn and sarcasm.
Difference of opinions
When there is a difference of opinion on an issue, not all of us know how to respect that diversity. Most of the time we focus so much on wanting to change the other to become more like us that we put their interests aside.
It can also happen that, instead of defending our point of view, we become sarcastic and attack the other, trying to invalidate their opinion.
Always keep in mind that this is not a competition and that you are trying to solve a problem with the person you love.
Any misunderstanding can lead to an argument . Therefore, if you want to avoid constant fights, it is best to always make things clear. Many times we want to say something and we end up expressing it in a different way.
It may happen that one of the two instead of wanting to argue ends up running away to avoid confrontation. It is said that the one who is silent grants, so many times to avoid fighting we go without saying anything. As a consequence, the other person may interpret that you have not really made a mistake in your actions, but that you have done it knowing that you were going to hurt him or that he was wrong.
Unresolved past or internal conflicts
If you keep something to yourself that bothers you, they won’t be able to solve it . In addition, anger towards the other person grows constantly and almost without realizing it. As a consequence, any bad moment that they are going through or that you simply have a bad day can cause internal conflicts or the past that have not been resolved to come to light.
It is not good to keep what you feel that bothers you to avoid having an argument or a fight with your partner. This will only make you unable to forgive their negative attitudes.
To avoid constant fights with your partner, talking is important. It can all start with poor communication or because one of the two has expressed himself wrongly. If from the beginning you have not been clear with your needs and preferences, it may be the beginning of a fight with your partner.
As we told you at the beginning, communication is one of the most important pillars to have a healthy relationship. Know what the other thinks, share points of view, know their preferences, etc. they are extremely important.
When you shut up what bothers you so as not to argue, that discomfort stays with you and your relationship gradually grows apart .
Another possible cause for arguments and you want to avoid constant fights with your partner, keep in mind are false expectations . Many times we expect the other to do or say what we would do in their place. For example, sitting and waiting for the other person to thank us because we did something for them.
That is why everything you hope to receive from your partner you must let them know from the beginning. Whether it is about leisure, vacation, family, time spent together, education of your children, etc.
How to avoid constant arguments with my partner
A person must assess whether he is mature enough to enter into a serious relationship. To face problems, and accept the failures of the other person. Otherwise, everything will be a constant chaos regardless of the phrases to avoid fights.
- Learn to understand and understand the failures of your partner. Support him and help him improve, without judgment.
- Don’t look for a culprit. And above all, do not play the victim in each fight, learn to take responsibility for your actions.
- Don’t be angry over pointless trifles.
- Leave whims and trifles in the past.
- Trust and respect your partner. If you chose him, it is because you felt that he is capable of making you happy.
Look for the root of the discussions
The first thing you should do is find the root of the discussions. For this, it is necessary to constantly talk about what happens to us. By this we do not mean that we should always argue. On the contrary, it is the best way to get to know our partner and understand what they are feeling.
Also, you must bear in mind that you cannot always remain in ignorance regarding what your partner is going through internally. Doubts may begin to grow on both sides about the lack of transparency of their partner and they may wonder, don’t you trust me? Don’t you care enough about me?
Avoid yelling and trying to impose your ideas. The best thing is to be calm and be able to listen to what your partner has to say to you. Only in this way will they be able to understand what the other feels and be able to move towards solving the conflict.
Remember, we have one mouth and two ears. Therefore, we must learn to listen a little more and speak less . But by listening we are not telling you that you should keep quiet and that’s it.
Listening implies understanding what your partner wants to say to you, internalizing and paying attention to what they are talking about. Only in this way can you understand the person you love.
Respect is extremely important at the foundation of any relationship. Empathizing is a way of showing your partner that you love them. They will not always think in the same way and it is normal that they have different points of view.
The important thing is to know how to empathize with your partner and respect that he may think differently from yours. In order to empathize with your partner, you must know how to put yourself in their place.
Be calm and patience
In order to carry out an argument without fighting with your partner, it is important to remain calm and be patient . To do this, it is best to find a certain time to speak calmly about everything that worries us.
If either of you is overly angry or sad and your feelings are running high, it is best to give them space so they can calm down a bit. Then when the mood is a little calmer you can sit down and talk.
When they are talking about something that bothers them or they do not like the response they receive from their partner, count to 10. Before answering aggressively, insult them because you did not like something, take a deep breath and think carefully about your response. This way, you can think of the best way to respond to them.
Avoid insults and reproaches
Reprimands and insults are a bad way to carry on an argument. Well, we are only focusing on our anger and bad feelings towards the other person, leaving aside solving the basic problem that generated it.
It is one thing for us to tell our partner that something has upset us or made us feel bad. It is quite another to take advantage of the moments of discussion to bring up an issue from the past with the aim of having “more weapons to defend and attack”.
It is not healthy and it is not honest on our part to try to look for something from the past that the other person has done wrong to look like the victim.
If you want something, ask for it
Only you are in your head and you know what you want. As much as you think your partner knows you well enough, every time you want something you just have to ask for it. It is very common for many couples to say things like “he already knows me, he knows I want him to do such a thing.”
Therefore, you should not assume that your partner knows everything you are feeling. This many times creates false expectations in you or you end up shrouding yourself more by believing that they are not in the “same line”.
By this we do not mean that you have to do it in the form of reproaches. You just have to sit down with your partner and tell him what you want from him, in a friendly way and always with respect .
For example, if you are sad and want your partner to hug you, say so. Instead of being left crying or with a long face wandering around the house, approach your partner and say: “I’m sad, I need a hug.”
Don’t keep the things that bother you
Don’t wait until the last moment or for you to explode to say something that makes you uncomfortable. Many couples fear direct confrontation, so they prefer to keep all those things that bother them to avoid “arguing”.
What they do not know is that arguing is extremely necessary to form a serious, stable and above all healthy relationship. Holding back for something that makes you uncomfortable will only make the problem more serious and everything ends in a bigger fight than it really should be.
Maintain a constructive attitude
Only with a positive and proactive attitude can they try to find a solution to their problems. Talk to your partner so you can find a solution that you both feel comfortable with.
Many people often confuse pointing out to their partner something they have done wrong or hurt us with humiliating. This phenomenon is known as cognitive dissonance.
Making him see that he did something that bothered us is necessary to reach a solution. If we say it in a bad way, humiliating him, your partner will only become defensive and believe that he has not done anything wrong.
In order to carry out a constructive mindset, each of the two must take responsibility. For those things they have done that have hurt each other. Many times assuming our guilt and asking for forgiveness is more than enough to solve a problem.
Show your affection
When you are arguing with your partner, think that he is the person you say you love. Yelling, insulting or attacking in any other way is not the best way to demonstrate that, quite the opposite.
It’s hard to think calmly when you’re angry or upset about something. In these moments, it is best to think about those beautiful things that have brought you together . It is the person you have chosen to have by your side.
If both are angry and feel that the situation is overwhelming them, it is best to leave the discussion for another time. You can hold your partner’s hand, hug her, kiss her, tell her that you love her. With this, in addition to showing your affection and that you really care , it will help both of you to be calm again.
Also, showing your affection consistently and every day is a good way to help your partner heal from pain. Otherwise, only the discontent or frustrations of the fighting moments will be etched in our minds.
What to do when you fight a lot with your partner?
To leave the constant fights behind, it is best to establish clear limits that should not be exceeded . They should be applied to your moods and the time spent fighting.
You need to know when to stop an argument so it doesn’t end up turning into a fight. The fights are exhausting and most of the time very frustrating. Little by little we distance ourselves from the person we love until we break up.
There is always one of the two who has a cooler head than the other. Generally, it is usually the person who has done something wrong, as it is easier to be calm when you have not been hurt. In this case, you are the one who must remain calm and know how to see when to put a parenthesis so that things calm down.
Identify toxic attitudes
It is important to be able to identify those toxic attitudes in order to put them aside . On some occasions, we get carried away by how we feel and we end up having toxic attitudes with our partner. This is not good if you want to avoid constant fights.
The reproaches are a clearly toxic attitude that both should put aside. If, for example, it bothers you that your partner doesn’t do the dishes, don’t start an argument by saying that he didn’t do the dishes last summer on vacation. The present is what matters and the list with all the things that you have done wrong can be thrown into the trash can.
Among other toxic attitudes in a relationship we can mention:
- Excessive dependency or independence
- Authoritarian, possessive and controlling attitudes
- Contempt, inconsideration and denigration
If you notice some of these toxic attitudes in your partner, it is best to sit down with her and talk about them to put an end to them.
Evaluate the condition of the relationship
Finally, you should also pay special attention to the condition of your relationship to avoid constant fights. This implies knowing the satisfaction and level of commitment of both.
If you cannot reach an agreement with your partner, do not know how to handle a difficult situation, there is no respect or reciprocity, it is best to put an end to it.
What to say to your boyfriend after an argument
There are many phrases to calm an argument, however, we must find the ideal moment so that the communication is reciprocal and your boyfriend really listens to you. Otherwise, you will only aggravate the situation or you will not be able to save the relationship . If the discussion is over and you are thinking about the best way to fix everything, keep in mind that you must give him his space.
When an argument occurs, emotions run high. Any sentence they articulate can be a trigger for a much worse discussion, so if your partner has decided to get away from you for a moment, it is better that you respect their personal space.
We cannot force the situation , since each head is a different world, and if we want to give the best of ourselves, the best way to start is to understand the other.
- Start by apologizing. Regardless of what the argument was about, you should approach by apologizing! Since both you and him, favored the circumstances for such a fight to take place. So you are not in a position to get defensive again. You will only make the situation worse.
- Show him that despite everything you still love him. Emphasizing the love you feel is a good way to eliminate the doubts that may arise from the fight and the hurtful words that may have been said. If he has allowed you to get closer, take his hand and try to create eye contact. Be honest and tell him what you really mean.
- When both of you are calmer, talk. If you already had the previous fight, it is time to converse like two rational people. Without yelling, without insults, without hurting the other. So that you can reach an agreement and a favorable conclusion for both of you. With phrases to avoid constant fights.
Reflection phrases for couples who have fought Who is to blame?
They are angry, but they still love each other! So, if you feel like it’s time to reconcile with your partner, you can use smart phrases to end an argument :
- “Despite everything that happens I still love you. And it is better to fix everything than to let our relationship be destroyed”
- “I will not say hurtful words that make you doubt my feelings. At the end of the day I know that it is you who is there for me”
- “Enough of hurting and let’s focus on loving each other”
- “Harsh words only diminish the force of affection. So let’s not keep destroying ourselves.”
On the other hand, if the discussion has already taken place and ended, but you want to reconcile and overcome the problem , use love phrases to avoid constant fights such as :
- “You are the one who complements me, and I don’t want to lose you no matter what happens”
- “I’m never going to want to leave you. Therefore, I plan for us to be happy without having to go through this again.”
- “I’m sorry that we have reached this situation, let’s find a way to heal our relationship”
- “Let’s stop fighting what we feel, and we will overcome this difficult stage”
- “It is impossible to stop feeling the love I have for you. That is why I am not going to let this discussion ruin the relationship”
So far we come with this super complete guide on how to avoid constant fights with my partner and stop arguing. We hope that it has been useful to you and that you can put into practice all the tips that we have shared with you. Now that you know how to do it, it is time to start building a healthy relationship.