We’ve all experienced it at some point – the pain of a lost love lingering like a subtle poison.
Leaving someone you really love is one of the hardest things in the world.
Unfortunately, sometimes…it’s necessary.
Because the pain you feel leaving someone you love can (and a lot) disrupt your life, you need to act now if you want to grow, progress, move on, and find happiness elsewhere.
Sometimes you know what happened.
Other times, you feel like things have slowed down slowly and you can’t identify any cause.
But either way, you’ve decided it’s time to leave it and move on.
Let’s talk about how to do this.
“Some people believe that holding a person too much is a sign of strength. However, there are moments that require much more strength to know when to let go, to actually do it”. – Hermann Hesse
1. Cut Contact
Before you do anything, and I mean anything else, you need to cut off contact with the person.
This is less of a step and more of a critically important prerequisite.
You will never be able to heal if you keep the person who hurt you so close.
Remove phone numbers, discard contact information, photos, and anything else directly connected to it.
You’re not erasing it from your memory, just removing the facility to contact that person the next time you’re in a moment of weakness and might think about getting in touch.
2. Accept What You’re Feeling
Possibly the worst thing you can do is ignore what you’re feeling and start looking for ways to suppress those feelings or hide from them.
The more you do this, the worse it gets, and so you need to take an entirely different approach if you want to heal this wound.
Face the pain head-on and don’t run away from it.
Simply allow yourself to be in touch with whatever you are feeling, even if it is uncomfortable.
Over time, the mind has a way of settling in if you allow it to focus on the pain.
3. Stop Fantasizing
After that, stop fantasizing.
When you begin to experience the gradual process of internal healing and reflect on past memories, you will be motivated to fantasize that maybe, just maybe, they will change.
Maybe things could work out this time if such a thing here and such a thing there were different.
Things won’t work – and they won’t change.
That process is your brain trying to keep you out of pain again.
Be present with these feelings to maintain clarity.
But it’s important to do a reality check and remember that this is a natural part of the healing process.
It’s like drinking after a breakup or other loss.
You’re not really healing, you’re just trying to put a bandage on the pain.
Eventually, that band-aid will come off.
And when that happens, it’s going to hurt all over again, and worse.
The only way to heal is to be with what is (reality) and move on, so stop fantasizing.
4. Practice Forgiveness
Now is when you really start to dig deeper and get to the heart of the matter.
Whatever happened left an internal wound that needs to be mended.
And to do that, you need to practice forgiveness.
It’s not always the other person’s fault.
Sometimes it’s ours.
Whatever the case, you need to practice visualizing the other person and repeating a simple mantra like “I forgive you. My pain is mine” or imagine apologizing and seeking those feelings of sincerity within you.
When you can recognize this, the process has started to work.
Depending on what happened, it will take time to heal.
However, in all cases, if you take the time to be with yourself, listen to what is going on inside you, and be kind and compassionate to yourself, you will be able to heal the wound.
5. Understand The Grief Process
Much like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship is a loss and with loss comes pain.
Denial and isolation, anger, depression, and acceptance are normal steps in the process and it’s important to remember that everyone suffers differently.
6. Seek Support
While it’s normal to have a tendency to isolate yourself after a breakup, it’s important that you don’t feel alone.
You may not want to start explaining your breakup to everyone just yet, but remember to look for at least one person you can count on for support.
7. Take Your Time
Like grief, healing is a process.
Give it time to run its course.
Take it one day at a time and learn to manage expectations to avoid being disappointed.
Allow yourself to fully experience the loss, because the truth is, there are no quick fixes.
8. Ask Yourself What You Really Look For In A Relationship
Pause to imagine what your ideal relationship would look like.
Assess what went wrong in your previous relationship, and what worked and this will give you a better picture of what you should expect in the future.
9. Practice Gratitude
Start your day with this.
Remind yourself, every day, of all the other wonderful, often overlooked, things you are going through in your life.
Be grateful for what the relationship taught you, for the good times you shared, and for being one step closer to finding the right partner for you.
10. Love Yourself And Increase Personal Care
It’s tempting to blame ourselves for the way things turned out, but blame itself delays the recovery process.
Instead of beating yourself up, practice self-love.
One way you can be more loving towards yourself is by acknowledging your role in what went wrong in the relationship, while remembering that there were two people involved, and you both contributed to what happened, each in your own way.
11. Go There And Live
Now that you’ve created a solid foundation to heal from within, once you feel ready, it’s important to step out into the world and start living.
Get to work, pursue a passion, meet new people, or go on an adventure.
Whatever it is, start creating new experiences, memories, and connections to replace old memories.
The more you do this, the easier it will be to move forward.