If you are a very shy woman with men, maybe during middle school or high school you thought that shyness was going to disappear on its own with time, but… Oh, surprise! It’s still there, ruining a lot of your dating attempts.
It is very frustrating that when a boy likes your body he betrays you with obvious signs of shyness: your face blushes, you sweat too much, you tremble and you even stutter.
The worst of all is that you simply block yourself and miss the opportunity to talk better with him to get to know him (and, why not, captivate him). You stop thinking, mumbling anything generic, and perhaps in your eagerness not to show that you like him, you end up acting like you don’t even care.
Yeah being so shy sometimes sucks. You look around and your friends are joking and laughing with guys they are attracted to and you need to make a titanic effort just to say “hi, how are you?”
There are virtually thousands of reasons why you could be so shy, but in this article, we are going to focus on giving you practical advice so that you can overcome that shyness and begin to relate to men in a confident and open way.
1. Identify what causes this shyness
It may be that you are shy around boys because you grew up in an environment of women and you are not very used to treat them, or maybe you do not feel comfortable with your image, and all the time you are thinking that others notice your defects.
It could be that a bad experience from the past has left you somewhat traumatized and you can’t help but be extremely cautious whenever a man approaches you.
That leaves us with three main causes: lack of habit, lack of self-esteem, or discomfort.
a) If you are shy due to a lack of habit, try to expand your social circle so that you can interact more with men in casual and relaxed settings.
Start with those guys who don’t give you butterflies in your stomach, so you can gradually learn to control the situation.
b) If you are shy due to a lack of self-esteem, the first thing is to work on loving yourself as you are. Not feeling comfortable with yourself takes you away from a lot of opportunities, not only social, it also affects you in studies and work.
The rule is simple, love yourself as you are. If there are things you want to change, and that desire is not for appearances but to improve yourself (such as losing weight for health reasons), do so. But learn to value yourself for who you are.
c) If you are shy because you had a bad experience, try to see the learning that that situation left you, but let go of the bad feelings. Remember that not all men are cut with the same scissors and it is not fair that you lose opportunities for fear of repeating the past.
2. Take a deep breath and take your time
Sometimes fear and nerves paralyze us and in an effort not to appear shy, we say the first thing that comes to mind, worsening the situation, and we feel even worse.
What if you take a couple of seconds to breathe and reflect before acting? The interlocutor may not even notice and so you calm down a little to control your nerves.
You can always resort to a sweet smile as you organize your thoughts and find some neutral topic or some way to direct the focus of the conversation to him.
You can also pretend, in an extreme case, that you check a message on your cell phone. Just say “give me a moment”, smile, and take advantage of the fact that now no one is offended if you look at your phone in the middle of a greeting. Just try not to go overboard with this resource.
3. Remember how awesome you are
Empowerment and shyness short circuit. On the one hand, you know that you are an exceptional woman, full of qualities, with much to offer, and on the other, you are constantly judging yourself and thinking that others do too.
Consider that we are, to a large extent, the reflection of what we think of ourselves. If you focus on the attributes that you do not have, others will notice those shortcomings.
But if you focus on using the tools you do have, that will be what they notice about you. To look your best, it is important that you feel that way.
4. Choose themes that you have in common
It is quite embarrassing that the boy you like finally starts a conversation with you and you stay quiet as the grave because you have nothing to say about the topics that interest him. It happens to all of us. And no, it is not the end of the world.
Think about what topics you like, I assure you that there will always be a way to link them with what he is saying. If, for example, he tells you about his favorite sport (which you don’t know much about) just let him finish and start talking about yours now.
The same with any topic; Identify the logical connector and take the conversation to your own ground, in which you can feel more comfortable and involved.
And, in any case, take that conversation as a way of learning. If you are unfamiliar with the subject, ask and show interest.
5. Direct the conversation towards him
As a rule, shy girls don’t like to talk about themselves. The advantage they have is that other people do love it.
If they start bombarding you with questions that you don’t feel ready to answer, just return the question like a curveball.
That is, answer something concise, concrete, and generic and ask the same of the other person, show interest in their answers and encourage them to give you details.
For the rest of the conversation, try to monopolize the flow of questions, and take them in areas that please the other person. That way you will get the exchange to focus on him and you will feel less pressure.
6. Keep your friends close
Your friends are your unconditional support. Why shouldn’t they also be able to help you overcome shyness?
It’s simple: be honest with them and ask them to stay close to you when the opportunity arises to connect with a man who attracts you.
Not so much that he is uncomfortable, but enough that they can detect any signs of distress and come to your aid.
Sometimes, it is enough to look away and see someone cheering us on from across the room, to feel much more sure of ourselves. Moral support is always important.
Shyness is not an insurmountable defect, nor is it something that has to accompany you for the rest of your life. In fact, more than being a “something”, it is a lack of practice of certain social skills that, like any other, can be learned, developed, and perfected.
Remember to share this article with all the shy girls you know and do not stop giving us your valuable opinion in the comments.