For years, I put you first. I put our couple first. I was so busy ensuring your happiness that I forgot who I was, I lost myself completely.
Because of my insecurities and your dishonest behavior, I have never stopped trying to try to please you.
But with every criticism, every sarcasm and every lie that you put in my way, I just got stronger.
I started to get used to it and my skin started to thicken.
The cracks that were in our relationship have become gaping holes. Like the roots of a tree growing on a concrete sidewalk, I managed to free myself from my shackles. I was finally ready to leave you once and for all.
When I left that day, I was completely unaware of the impact of this decision on my life.
Once freed from the burden of our failing relationship, I suddenly had the one thing money couldn’t buy: time. And not just any weather, I had the opportunity that everyone is looking for. Time for myself.
Of course, my heart ached. My hands were shaking. So I did everything to get rid of all the stress of breaking up.
I started to exercise. I started to run. I would run for miles every day. Something that I initially didn’t like had become my comfort, my supportive friend I could turn to when I felt too anxious to sit still. At first, I ran two kilometers, then three, then four, and then I ran my first race, eight kilometers uphill.
I have never been so fit in my life. I no longer had to meet your specific dinner needs and was able to switch to holistic and healthy eating.
I quit my job which made me miserable.
I took a risk and applied for the job you didn’t want me to do. And I loved it.
I ventured out and made new friends, friends who respected and cared about me, my thoughts, and my opinions. When I had moments of weakness, they were always there for me.
When I had family meals, I went there. When my friends invited me to casual parties, I would go. When work gave me exciting new opportunities, I accepted. I was finally able to become the person I wanted to be.
Even though you doubted my talents, my strengths, and my ambitions to travel the world, I did. I made my first two-week trip to several countries. And I did it solo. Of course, I was nervous at times, but I found myself able to handle any situation.
I did the museums you never wanted to see. I ate in the restaurants you hated I sipped coffee on my veranda every morning. I started to meditate and go to yoga classes. Reading has become one of my favorite pastimes.
I have become my best friend.
I have learned to enjoy the time alone and to invest it in my interests and passions. Instead of giving you all my love just for you to throw it away, I started loving myself sincerely.
Thank you for hurting me because it allowed me to become who I am today. The person I am today is someone I am proud of, so for that I am grateful.
