How to react?
Learning that our spouse is cheating on us and betraying us is a terrible ordeal for a woman. But when in addition he had a fault with our best friend, the bad dream turns into a nightmare …
Do not try to find the culprit, nor a reason for it
When a woman learns that her partner has cheated on her with her best friend, her world collapses: the man she loved, with whom she lived, her lover, possibly the father of her children, has it. deceived. And not with just anyone: with her best friend, the one with whom she has shared everything for years, the person who knows her arguably the best in the world. A simply unbearable and sickening double betrayal.
The first thing that comes to our mind “naturally” in these cases is unfortunately to remember ALL the moments spent together, at 3, and where their connivance had already jumped out at us. We wonder how long it has been going on, if at such and such a party where they were present their relationship had already started, we feel dirty, we feel stupid not to have seen anything, we blame them, we want to revenge. And in the end, you feel empty, and you have no idea what to do.
Which is quite logical: after such an event, the values that mattered most to us (love, friendship, frankness, loyalty) no longer have any meaning, and it is legitimate that the we feel lost, humiliated … but also abandoned, since we lost in a fraction of a second the 2 beings who mattered the most to us.
And even if it’s tempting and you think you feel the need to know in order to get revenge, it is better to avoid investigating to find out who started flirting with the other, when was the first kiss, who knows, etc. It will only wiggle the knife into an already gaping and painful wound.
And although it is difficult for us to suddenly write off our spouse and our best friend, we must keep in mind that both are equally responsible. They were both willing, and aware of the harm they could do us. No excuse is therefore valid for them, and one is not more guilty than the other.
Take the time to rebuild
Finding out that our husband has cheated on us with our best friend is a huge blow that will inevitably shake our lives. And to heal the suffering, the shame, the anger that we will legitimately feel, we will need:
- From the distance. Indeed, it is very important to get away from them, and to do everything to prevent our mind from repeating this horrible story. Taking a few days of vacation to take a break or go green is more than recommended.
- Be well surrounded. Our friends will be there to change our minds, bring us out, and meet new people at the same time.
- Outside help. Which will help us not to hide this terrible event, but rather to accept to live with it. Day to day, of course.
Of course, in order to come to terms with what has happened and overcome the suffering felt, time will be our greatest ally. As we go along, we will realize that it is even possible to love and trust again. Although it will inevitably be hard work, and a long process.