For some time now, you’ve been having a great affair with a man, you feel good with him and everything is going for the best on all levels. You want to tell everyone about it, and even present it to your friends, your family, to put pictures of you both on social networks. But now, there is a but. He is resistant to all this. You don’t know his friends, you’re not even sure he told them about you. You know his family even less, and yet you feel that you are becoming important to him. As for social networks, let’s not even talk about it: it’s just if he added you as a friend!
Of course, the little “underground” side, and the love bubble of the beginnings is nice and appreciable, but envisioning a life as a couple without being able to tell anyone about it and living it in broad daylight can be very suffocating, even destructive. This is where questions arise, and confidence in your story wanes. This is stashing, a practice that is harmless on paper, but which can be harmful.
What is a stasher?
You are a couple, you are sure of it, but you live hidden from family, friends, colleagues. As if he’s not taking charge of you, hiding something, or being ashamed of you. You wonder if he doesn’t lead a double life, if you aren’t his mistress. But this is not the case, he can be quite regular in his life, and still practice “stashing”, or “put yourself aside”.
There are therefore two profiles of stashers that emerge: on the one hand, the one who really has trouble with the commitment. However, mingling his partner with his circle of friends and his family presents a commitment, a relationship that can potentially become serious and last … and that can scare a lot of men. On the other side, this is a man who has no plans for a future with you, and you have simply been blinded by his charm. Maybe he just sees you as a s**x scene, or a story that won’t last while waiting to get his ex back (well yes, there are morons everywhere), in short, you are in his life like a little emotional refuge, but not more. This is why he does not see the importance of mingling with his loved ones.
How to recognize and get out of stashing
Stashing is quite an unfair practice. Because, he simply decided to put you aside without really asking your opinion. Of course, it can be quite normal to want to wait until you introduce the right person to your loved ones. But from there to completely pulling yourself away and keeping yourself hidden, you have the right to feel that there is something fishy.
This is why you can opt, as soon as you see that this relationship is gaining importance to you and that you want to take it to the next level, for frankness and honesty. Even if it means being disappointed once and for all, force him to tell you what he thinks of your relationship and if you are right to continue to hang on. Because generally, a stascher cares above all about him, and very little about your states of mind.
If a good discussion with him causes attitude changes on his part, it is because he is still attached to you and just wants to be sure of himself. If you find that there is no click and it is dragging on… it might be better to move on than settle for a half-hearted story.