It’s time for me to choose myself, in place of your seeming love

I decided it was over. I decided not to waste my time waiting for you to finally love me. I decided I deserved better.

I know I deserve to be loved. I know there is someone out there for me, who will give me everything I need, who will always hold me in his arms – and not just when he wants to.

Maybe I am stupid, but I still believe in unconditional love, now more than ever.

Now that you’ve shattered my dream of a future with you, I’m even more certain that someday I’ll find someone who will bring it back to life.

I’m just exhausted having to decipher your mixed signals.

I’m exhausted from playing this game you set up. I don’t like the rules, because they are only made for you.

I fell in love with you because I thought there was more to discover. I saw your potential.

I saw that if you wanted to you could be almost perfect. But you decided to stay the same.

You decided to give me only a semblance of love. And, I don’t need that.

You were never clear about your intentions. You never said what you really wanted.

Because if I had known what you wanted was this, I would never have signed.

It was like signing a pact with the devil – you got what you wanted, but everything came at a price. The price to pay was a broken heart for me.

You made me believe it was going to work. You kissed me passionately and sent me love messages.

You looked at me when I wasn’t looking. You slept by my side, pretending the next day as if nothing had happened. Friends don’t do such a thing.

I gave you my best and got nothing in return except half-kept promises and lies.

In fact, I have only received words from you, never deeds. It was not enough for me.

I could have spent my life waiting for you to do what you promised.

But luckily, I had the guts to cut ties with you and start looking for someone who will do everything you could never do.

What you have never been able to understand is that love is not given in bits and pieces. It’s all or nothing.

You wanted to keep me hanging somewhere. You wanted to keep me in some sort of staging area, just giving me the bare minimum so I could stay.

You gave me false hope. Therefore, I have no respect for you. You could have been a man and told me to my face that you didn’t love me.

But instead, you made me believe you loved me back. You tried to fool me, but you can’t fake love.

No one can. One can try, but after a while the other will understand because one is never happy being with someone who is not the right one.

I decided I deserved much better than you. I realized that I deserved this true love that you could never give me.

I decided to move on, even though it hurt me – and I am in pain.

I decided I had to take the risk, because I refuse to spend the rest of my life miserable, wondering what would have happened if I had left.

Now I turn the page to a new chapter in my life and leave you behind. It is time for me to write this new chapter – a happier chapter, in which I choose myself.

I choose myself because I don’t want to settle for someone who isn’t sure they want to be with me. I know what I want from love and it’s not what you gave me.

I don’t want one of those fake kisses when you leave the house. I don’t want these messages that you send me out of obligation.

This is why, this time, I choose myself. Because I want everything you almost did, to finally be done with love.

I choose myself because I’m exhausted from always doubting what you’re doing.

I am exhausted having to think through your decisions in order to discover the real purpose of them, always knowing that it is not me.

I choose myself, because I want to give myself the chance to meet someone who does things for me – a man who does things (even the most unpleasant) because he wants to do them for me.

I choose myself because I don’t like who I am when I’m with you. I don’t want to be exhausted or drained and that’s what you do with me.

Every negative thing you say hits me right in the heart. Every word brings me down a little more every day and I don’t want to be that one.

I choose myself because I need someone to rely on and that person is not you.

For now that person is me and maybe later it will be someone else.

When you push a woman like me to her limits, she cracks and you lose her forever. You will certainly regret it, but it will be too late.

I will choose myself every time, because I refuse to be someone’s second choice.

I believe I deserve to be someone’s priority, like this one will be mine. I want to be someone’s girlfriend, because they will want me and no one else.

I want him to be happy that we’re going to be spending the rest of our lives together.

I will choose myself every time, because I don’t need someone to hide our relationship, thinking that they will eventually find better.

I want someone who will proudly hold my hand and cry my name out to the world. I want someone who will introduce me to their friends and family, because they care about me.

I will choose myself every time, because I don’t want to settle for less than I deserve. I don’t want someone who gives me the semblance of love.

I want someone who is willing to put in the effort for me, because I will do the same for him.

I want a love that puts butterflies in my stomach. I want a man who is my last thought before I fall asleep and the first when I wake up.

I will choose myself every time, because I don’t want someone who doesn’t accept me. I want someone who loves me for who I am.

I want someone who knows all my flaws and accepts them, because he knows that neither I nor anyone is perfect.

I’ll choose myself because I want someone who isn’t you.

I will choose myself every time, because I want a label and I want to know where our relationship is going. I don’t want to hold back.

I have a lot of love to give and I want to find someone who will know how to receive this love and who will love me in the same way. I want things to be familiar and obvious.

I want to feel safe and with you I’ve never felt this way.

I don’t regret having been with you. I regret, however, that it took me so long to realize that we had nothing to do together.

I don’t want your semblance of love. I do not need it. I do not deserve it.

I finally realized that I had to think of myself first. Because until today, I did just the opposite and it brought me nothing, except disappointment, sorrows and pains.

I tried so hard for you to love me, but you stayed in that semblance.

I regret that I did not give up sooner, in order to put an end to the agony of both of us.

I regret that I wanted you to stay, when you chose to push me away.