When it comes to emotions and logic, the two just don’t mix physiologically.
Emotions can come out of nowhere and send your head off the rails.
And when it comes to getting a person out of your heart and mind, it’s certainly not easy.
Here are some expert tips that will help you emotionally separate yourself from that person you were so fond of.
When you distance yourself from someone, it doesn’t mean you are out of love.
It just means that you can still love, but don’t expect anything in return.
This means that you can give and receive love freely in a healthy way and let your love go forward openly.
Fact – If you are too emotionally involved with someone to the point where you become overly focused on them, it becomes harmful.
What can happen?
This can lead to…
It’s important that you know how to create enough emotional freedom to create space between the two of you so that you can make the best “logical” decisions.
Not all decisions should be based on emotion.
1 – Take Action to Heal Yourself, Don’t Meet Your Ex Again
Experts believe that if you want other people to have love and respect for you, you must first love yourself.
That means you’ll need to make changes that will make you smile from the inside out for real.
Maybe you need to start working out?
Maybe you need to find a new hobby and friends?
You need to restore your self-confidence if you want to find who you are again after a breakup.
Think about who you were before the relationship and find your way back to yourself.
It won’t be easy, but the faster you accept the fact that you need to do this, the better for you.
An excellent way to do this is to write down what you want, what makes you smile, and the action steps needed to get there.
2 – A Step Back So You Both Can Breathe
Suffocating is never a good thing in any relationship; It doesn’t matter if you’re together or just broke up.
Few people have any idea how important it is to take a step back from their loved ones, even if your insecurities are telling you to run towards them.
Pay attention to the voice of intuition inside your brain, telling you that you need to step back and find your own way beyond this hurt and pain.
Accept the fact that if your relationship was real and important, it’s going to hurt when you’re not together.
This is hard to do when you’re emotionally invested in someone, but you have to do it anyway.
3 – Be Objective and Realistic When Thinking About Your Relationship
Chances are you threw your heart and soul into the relationship.
Maybe you were boyfriend and girlfriend for a year or maybe you were married for ten years or more.
At the moment, it doesn’t really matter, because you need to open your mind and think with your brain and intuition, not the emotional vulnerability of your heart.
Ask yourself the tough questions.
- Would you be happy if your daughter or sister were in this kind of relationship?
- Do you believe that this person was perfect for you and there will never be another?
- Did your ex give you everything you wanted, needed, and deserved?
- If you were to turn back the clocks and do it all over again, would you choose the same man?
Be honest here.
Each of these questions will help separate you from the emotional and push you into the logical and the practical, which of course you can take control of.
Use this line of thinking to distance yourself from this person who is obviously not right for you.
Stand firm and press forward honestly and positively, and you will be all right; no matter how much it hurts now.
4 – Honestly Find Out Why You’re Still Attached
This is a tough question, but the best way to let go is to face the facts about why you’re still attached.
It’s not right or wrong.
Think about why you are having trouble letting go and the harmful effect this has on you.
Maybe you’re still dating that person you know you need to break up with for comfort reasons.
Maybe you’re just coping because you just can’t stand the thought of being alone?
The first step in moving away from someone is identifying why you are still attached to them.
Are you happy with your partner right now, just as he is?
In all honesty, sometimes it’s not worth letting go and throwing in the towel.
If that’s the case, the two need to agree to work on their relationships and get the help they need to resolve their issues.
Every couple will have relationship problems.
Some problems you can work on and others just aren’t worth it.
Discover the truth and you can create a plan of action to detach yourself in a healthy way and move forward positively in time.
5 – Pay Attention To Other People On The Same Boat Who Figured Out How To Let Someone Go
If you open yourself up to learning from others and listening to the relationship struggles they have faced, you can take the subtle steps you need to take.
There’s something comforting when you hear about people in the same boat as you.
When you can relate, you don’t feel as depressed and sad about your own situation and are more open to figuring out what you need to do to let go.
This is something to ponder.
6 – Pain Is Always Short In Detachment
You need to remember that the pain and loss of emptiness you are feeling right now are temporary, it won’t last forever.
You will learn to trust and love again and you will need to believe.
Of course, the process will take some time, but the pain will go away.
It’s hard when you’re always with someone and suddenly everything stops.
No doubt it will hurt, but there are proven methods to make it hurt less and speed up the healing process…
7 – Make it a point to regret the loss
It’s important to be real here and if you seriously care about your ex then you’re going to get hurt when it’s all over, regardless of the circumstance.
This grieving cycle is normal if you’ve lost a loved one or the love of your life.
And you need to allow yourself to be sad and move on when you’re ready.
It takes time to build a meaningful relationship and that means it’s only fair to take some time to break it.
8 – No Contact Is The Way To Go
You need to understand that this is something vital that you must do.
If you want to heal and move on to find your smile again, you’ll have to use the “no contact” rule.
No matter how much you want to text your ex or meet him for coffee or whatever, don’t do it.
All of this will impede the healing process and hurt you more.
Do you really want your heart to keep breaking over and over again?
I think not.
If you get in touch with him, you’ll only feed his ego and that’s wrong.
It will also make you feel terrible.
Just don’t do it and it will get better – believe me.
9 – Stay Away From His Friends And Family At All Costs
All of this will make you hurt even more and question whether or not you should distance yourself from your ex.
Not a good way to cut it.
You cannot be influenced by outside influences now.
You broke up for a reason and your ex is an ex for a reason.
If you’re hanging out with his friends or mutual friends, you’ll be tempted to ask about him and see what he’s up to.
It doesn’t help to heal – period.
Add to that the fact that if you walk away from your ex’s friends, he’s less likely to meet you face to face.
And that’s never a good thing when you’re trying to let go of him emotionally.
10 – Understand That A Friendship Is Just Not An Option
It doesn’t matter how hard you try, because after breaking up with someone, it’s impossible for you to be friends; in fact, it is simply foolish to even try.
Even if you ended the union on good terms, that doesn’t give you the green light for friendship.
Once you’ve crossed the line between friends and lovers, there’s really no turning back.
The only way to truly become friends is to give each other time and space to heal and move on to another relationship.
Only then do you have a chance to become friends.
When the two of you are in love with other people.
If you make the mistake of trying to force yourself to make friends out of comfort and convenience, out of sheer fear of loneliness, you are headed for disaster.
11 – Stop Focusing Only on the Positive
Sometimes when you want something badly, your logical judgment becomes clouded and you find a way to ignore the bad things and focus on the good things, which is not good in a relationship.
Often, when couples break up, it’s not until after the fact that they start to realize the great things about the relationship.
You’ll forget what an idiot he was most of the time and all the destructive arguments you had for no reason.
It’s understandable that you might get into this way of thinking, but you need to nip it in the bud and make sure it just doesn’t happen.
Let’s go the old-fashioned way here.
Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the things you can’t stand about your ex.
Seeing is believing.
Place it in the fridge or beside your bed if you like.
Just make sure this list is on your face as you struggle through the letting go process.
You need to consciously remind yourself why he is now your ex and that it is in your best interest to keep him that way.
12 – Run From Those Little Things That Remind You Of Him
You can burn them or run away from them, depending on what they are specifically.
The important thing is that you do your best to avoid anything and everything that reminds you of your ex.
It’s not healthy for you when you’re trying to get him out of your heart and mind once and for all.
Search your house and throw away everything he has given you; jewelry, a pair of shoes, whatever.
Do the same with your car and any messages or notes you may have on your phone.
If you keep remembering him, it will be harder to forget and that just means more pain for you.
That’s not what you need or deserve.
Cutting emotional ties is difficult, which is why it’s so important to get rid of any triggers that make you miss or remember him.
13 – Take Action to Find a New Focus
That doesn’t mean jumping into another man’s arms.
What that means is that you need to get your ass off the couch and find new things to do.
You might want to take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit.
How about calling up old friends and reconnecting?
Maybe you want to volunteer for a charity organization or find a new passion?
It’s going to be tough, but this is a necessary evil if you want to completely separate yourself from your ex.
Think of all the things you wanted to do but maybe couldn’t because your ex wasn’t interested.
Now is the time to dive in and do it all.
Will this be difficult?
But you need to give yourself the chance to build a new life without your ex and you deserve to do it with a smile.
Sometimes there are more serious reasons that you should completely disconnect from your ex.
It’s never easy letting go of someone you love.
There is no easy way.
You need to take the time to work on this, using these expert tips and strategies, to make the process easier than it would otherwise be.