Probably when you met your boyfriend he was the life of the party. Surely, you connected with him in many aspects: his sense of humor, his interests, his goals, his values, among many other things.
But after a while things changed and not in a positive way. Now your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you and you wonder why he has become so different.
Learn the causes and warning signs below, so you can understand why your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you.
And then we’ll see what you can do, if your boyfriend never wants to do anything.
Below, I’m going to list 10 of the top reasons for a boring boyfriend, followed by 7 solutions.
10 reasons why my boyfriend never wants to do anything
Why doesn’t my boyfriend have time for me?
1) He is going through a drama
Men tend to shut down when faced with difficult situations.
You could have a sick family member, arguments with friends, or any other major problem. So this could explain why you are sitting all day in front of the TV doing nothing.
It could also be that he doesn’t want to burden you with his problems.
This makes you feel weak, vulnerable, or less desirable in some way. And that’s why they usually choose to shut themselves in and play video games or stare out the window, saying nothing.
Dealing with emotional issues is very exhausting. This could be sapping his energy and making him seem distant.
Relationship expert Nick Bastion says:
“The first step is to realize that when something weighs on a man’s mind, he just needs time to figure it out. There is no time limit. He will take as long as necessary.
And when do they have that downtime? When you’re not at work…
This doesn’t mean anything bad for you. He just needs to deal with his thoughts, problems and worries during the time he is not at work. It does not mean that you are not important to him or that you are not a priority. It just means that he is not at work, where it is crucial to be focused and that he needs to let his mind work on it or he will go crazy.”
2) He is tired of your friends
Getting really close to someone is an exhilarating experience, but some couples go overboard.
They go everywhere together and your friends are now their friends.
So what could be happening is that he is a little tired from spending so much time with your friends. Hearing about them and basically pretending to like them.
You have to make sure that your life and his are separated at certain times. This includes having your own friends and activities.
Your boyfriend is bored, because maybe he is trying to have his own independence. Maybe he doesn’t tell you, because he feels you won’t understand and keeps it to himself.
3) He is tired of seeing your face
Spending time with someone you love is obviously amazing.
But even the best things can become overwhelming. Maybe he doesn’t value you as much anymore and he thinks you will never leave him .
Maybe your boyfriend feels suffocated and lacks space.
He might still love you very much, but be tired of spending all your time together. He could be feeling that they are always on top of each other.
This is particularly true if you live together, where it is more difficult to have time alone and have your own space.
4) You are treating him like a friend, instead of a lover
Men need to feel excited, appreciated, and a little challenged by you.
In some cases, it could happen that a boyfriend becomes more than a friend, without realizing it.
Surely you have intimacy and partner connections.
But maybe you started treating him like a partner, rather than a man you might want to marry one day.
And probably feeling more like a friend made him stop wanting to do so many things with you.
5) He is mad at you
My boyfriend doesn’t make time for me
Boys tend to be more direct, but can sometimes become passive-aggressive.
Instead of just talking about a problem they might be having, frown or comment on other, smaller problems.
The reality is that most men have a hard time talking about their emotions.
So, the way they find to vent their anger is by arguing over nonsense or walking away from you.
6) It’s just the end of the infatuation phase
Relationships usually have an infatuation phase, which lasts a couple of months, early in the relationship.
This starts to wear off once you get to know each other better and the initial excitement starts to fade a bit.
This could mean that your guy is less interested in spending all his time with you.
The end of the infatuation stage does not have to mean the end of your relationship.
But usually, it means a noticeable drop in the amount of time you spend together and your interest in activities.
7) You feel pressured
Reverse psychology may not always work, but it is effective in some cases.
If you’re constantly on top of your guy and making him feel like your happiness depends on him, he might feel overwhelmed.
Do not make him feel pressured to spend more time with you or to do activities and events together continuously.
Otherwise, your first instinct will be to find a way around commitments.
If your man feels that you depend on him to make your life worthwhile, he will feel restless and uncomfortable.
Also, this is also not healthy for you. Depending on a guy is never a good idea.
8) He feels misunderstood by you
No one can understand another person 100%.
Each of us sees and feels the world in different ways, depending on many variables.
But it’s another matter if your boyfriend feels that a basic bond of connection and understanding is broken or missing.
So, this can be one of the main problems that makes him stop wanting to do things with you.
For example, he may feel that you don’t care enough about the problems in his life.
Or he might think that your interests and emotional responses to his life are shallow.
This makes him feel upset and lonely.
9) He feels that you do not appreciate him enough
If your guy feels ignored or underestimated, he may withdraw into you.
Also, he could look for other people who care more about him.
Showing appreciation for your boyfriend isn’t about being overly affectionate. It’s just about giving your appreciation, thanks and love, every now and then.
When he feels appreciated, he will open up and want to do more things together. Instead, when he doesn’t feel like you’re considering him, he’ll retreat into his shell.
10) The relationship is over for him
He may want to leave you , but doesn’t know how or is too scared to try.
If he hides and is a recluse who never wants to do anything with you, it could just be that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
It hurts a lot to think about it, but it could be true.
It’s best to consider this possibility so you won’t be completely surprised if he breaks up with you.
What to do when your boyfriend never wants to do anything
1) Try to see their point of view
Strong emotions, both positive and negative, can blind us.
Then try to see your boyfriend’s point of view.
He doesn’t communicate much with you. So make an effort to think about the situation he might be in and how that might be affecting him.
Did you recently lose your job or have a labor conflict?
Have you had problems with an ex?
Are you worried about your health?
Are you worried about your future plans?
Once you understand him, you will be able to help him and you won’t worry unnecessarily about your relationship.
2) Try something new with him
Sometimes all you may need is to do something new together. Something to get them out of a rut, which could be ruining their relationship.
There are many new and exciting activities that you can try with your boyfriend.
If you’re both tired from work, how about meeting on the way out and going out for a drink?
Do you both love food?
Take a cooking class or just try new recipes by cooking together.
How about a spontaneous trip to a place that your boyfriend wanted to visit?
Think of these activities as ways to reconnect, which can get him to open up to you again.
3) Stay as calm as possible
It’s easy to take this kind of situation personally.
But think first if his behavior might not have anything to do with you.
That is why you should approach it with caution, respect and calm.
Of course you can communicate your concern about how he is behaving. But you don’t have to yell at him or make a drama.
4) Accept what you cannot change
Perhaps there has been a situation or a change in the relationship that has caused your boyfriend to withdraw and stop wanting to do things with you.
So it is vital that you accept what you cannot change.
You may be able to talk to him, influence him, or help him. But you cannot make him into a different man or change his situation in life.
Trying to change your boyfriend will get you nowhere. It will only end in you being extremely frustrated and him being even more withdrawn than he was in the beginning.
5) Be honest with yourself
Because your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you
Could you be in a codependent relationship?
At first, they may be balanced by how much they chase each other. But after a while it may be that the balance tilts more to one side than the other.
You text, you call him, I encourage him, I comfort him.
And what does he do?
Well, basically nothing.
If you are not honest with yourself, you are likely to have months and years of unnecessary suffering.
If your relationship is completely one-sided, then you have to ask yourself: where is your respect and self-love?
Never put your heart and soul into something without reciprocation. You will surely end up with a broken heart.
6) If necessary, cut the relationship
Now we come to the sad end and the last option that ends everything.
Breaking up is hard, but sometimes it’s what has to happen.
If you’ve done all you can and your man is still sitting there with a blank stare, what else are you supposed to do?
If he wants you to come back or has an explanation about what was going on, he can go after you. But your waiting time has come to an end.
Another alternative is to take some time to think about whether you really want and are willing to mend the relationship.
That your boyfriend does not have time for you can be due to several reasons.
If you love him, it’s all very well to find out what’s wrong with him and try to help him. If he loves you, he will listen to you and try to pull himself together to make you happy.
Otherwise, you can’t wait forever for him to be what you need from a relationship.
That’s when it’s best to break up with him and find a person who will give you the attention you deserve.