You’re in the middle of one of the breakup phases because the breakup is still fresh. Filled with enthusiasm for action, you want to leave old burdens behind you and face life again. But suddenly a feeling of anger overwhelms you, which finally leads to absolute despair. As you try to repress your past relationship, your emotions go on a rollercoaster ride. The heart turns and is captured by the unpleasant feeling that sets in after a breakup: nostalgia.
We will give you an overview of what steps you must take and what to take into account. In a final test, you’ll find out if all the stages of longing for love are behind you.
The 5 Stages of a Breakup
After parting, there are periods when grief is expressed in different ways. There are phases that men and women go through equally. How long the headache lasts depends on how deeply you are still emotionally involved. We present the five most important milestones.
1. You fight against misunderstanding and repression
The first phase is probably the biggest headache for you. The pain of love needs to be processed, justified and understood. Therefore, you are first looking for an explanation for the failure of the relationship on a rational level. Especially when you are the one who has been abandoned, the urge to investigate the cause is great.
But the more you want to sort your feelings out in all the chaos, the more misunderstanding you will find. You don’t want to admit that the relationship is really over. Letting go is particularly difficult for you. The result is an attempt to suppress events. However, attempts at forced distraction are no substitute for processing, and therefore the hamster wheel threatens to spin again.
Hint: realize the relationship is over
Take the time to figure out why you feel the relationship failed. Think about the mistakes you don’t want to repeat. But above all, be aware that the relationship is over and there is no going back.
2. You feel helpless and frozen
After a passionate phase, the result is a devastating realization: yes, the relationship is definitely over. How you are paralyzed by the ruins of your partnership. And as the world moves on, you freeze in utter bewilderment. In the second phase, you experience an inner existential standstill. However, external circumstances force him to continue working. Familiar processes suddenly become mechanical. Emptiness spreads within you. Pain turns more and more into pain. How long the longing for love lasts at this stage depends on how quickly you manage to free yourself from this state.
What can I do now? Seek help from family and friends
Here it is important to take a break as soon as possible. In this section, it is important to have an environment that is supportive and secure. Family and friends can be of great help in the love affair. But a trip or vacation with a caregiver can also help to break free from rigidity and resignation and considerably shorten the duration of this passionate phase.
3. You start to negotiate new alternatives
The third passionate phase is characterized by the effort to save the relationship after the breakup. Now you start negotiating, send optional relationship models and suggestions like an open relationship with certain rules or a temporary separation. To avoid definitive interruption at all costs, you can even allow yourself to compromise against your will, which will force you to give up completely.
Never forget: think of yourself first
Staying with yourself right now is the top priority. Realize the reasons for the separation again clearly. First of all, think about yourself: what do you want and what do you not want anymore? Your self-esteem is a priority.
4. You take a step back and anger spreads
If the point of no return has long been exceeded, all efforts will come to nothing. You slide relentlessly into phase four of love: this is determined by regression and anger. The agony of love manifests itself in depression, insomnia, lack of appetite, blurred work processes, and crying fits. The bed often becomes the only refuge for the depths of the soul.
Because now the fact of dating comes back into your consciousness! Pain is often mixed with anger, which can lead to blaming others or yourself. What a satisfaction it would be if you had a scapegoat handy for revenge or retaliation. Even if it doesn’t seem like anything to you in this emotionally explosive section, you know: rain follows the sun.
Important: redirect negative energies
Remember that there is a lot of power in resentment and suspicion. Divert negative energies and invest them in matters that are solely for your benefit. Crazy things to do or extraordinary activities you’ve always wanted to do are all the rage right now. You decide what will help you against love. Many important artists recognized this before you and created true masterpieces from such emotional lows. The earlier you start, the faster you will shorten this stage.
5. You fluctuate between acceptance and despair
You accepted failed love. But at this stage, the headache is not over. On the contrary: now it is noticeable in a completely different way. This unfolds in their social behavior. Either you drift further and further away, or you plunge into relationships that don’t create a good foundation for new, serious love. Overcoming this split between being alone and loneliness is an expression of your inner despair.
The process of processing feelings now begins correctly. How long this passionate phase lasts is entirely up to you. Your self-esteem may have hit rock bottom. Only now do you realize how present your ex-partner is in your life or what kind of emotional dependency you may still have. During that time, learning to let go becomes a big problem.
You should know that: find your inner balance
Acceptance, letting go, building self-esteem. These three steps are necessary to regain inner balance. Only when you are completely at peace with yourself can you deal with the breakup and be ready for a new relationship. Avoid skipping unnecessary actions, and invest time and energy in yourself. For example, find inner balance in morning meditation or yoga and develop a routine from there.
The Test: Are You Still in the Love Phases?
Using these five thought-provoking questions, you can use a self-test to see where you are right now. If you answered “yes” to most questions, you can be sure you’ve put your heartache behind you.
- Do you care that your ex is okay?
- Can you also be good alone with yourself?
- Do you feel emotionally balanced and free?
- Do you follow your own desires, goals, and needs?
- Are you ready and open to new things?
Conclusion: Face your feelings and deal with them
When you decide to go through these painful stages of love, you will discover how important the individual seasons are in coping with the breakup. Processes like this are often helpful so you can start over at the end after the breakup. If you follow our anti-love tips, chances are good that you will soon fall in love again.