We’ve all felt jealous of our ex at one point or another. Imagine browsing Facebook at night. Suddenly, you are faced with an image that almost takes your breath away. It’s a selfie of your ex smiling happily at the camera. And you can also see the reason for his happy expression: because someone else hugs his ex-partner.
In fact, you might not care about this photo because you broke up a long time ago. Even so, you get jealous of your ex. Because he seems to be in full bliss, while you feel bad about it. Are you still not over your headache? Do you still have feelings for your ex? We list the possible reasons why many people feel jealous after a breakup and which situations increase this feeling. But we’ll also show you how to better deal with your feelings.
Separated but still jealous? Possible Causes
There could be many reasons why you are still jealous of your ex after some time. We want to show why this happens and describe the situations that trigger this feeling.
You are not emotionally done
Probably the most important reason for this is that you can still be very emotionally involved. If the relationship wasn’t that long ago, you’re probably still busy processing the breakup. There is great uncertainty in this extremely unstable situation. After all, you were emotionally dependent on your ex for some time, because your emotional world was directly tied to that person. Your jealousy is a clear sign that you still haven’t gotten over your ex and still haven’t found your way back to your own inner freedom and independence.
Situations that feed and intensify the feeling
There are situations that can be a real fuel to be jealous of your ex or increase the feeling of resentment.
a) Confrontation on social media
Facebook, Instagram, and other social networks can be a real challenge after a breakup. After all, photos, posts, and status messages go a long way in making you jealous of your ex. Social media often turns out to be a potential source of stalking that keeps showing you the ex and their lives.
b) Accidental meeting with a new partner
Those impromptu encounters where your ex suddenly has a new girlfriend are also particularly unpleasant. Here you have to do double emotional work so as not to react with jealousy to your ex. First, the unplanned date that took you by surprise, and second, that your ex-boyfriend is happy again. Also, you run the risk of comparing yourself to the new partner. Resentment can then be transferred not only to your previous lover but also to his partner.
c) Additional contact after separation
A situation that makes everything more difficult, but also if you are still in contact with your ex after the separation of the child. This can increase the ex-boyfriend’s suspicion and envy, as you regularly see him through the children they have together and see if the ex-partner can easily handle the divorce or is quickly back in a new relationship.
You may also have been trying to develop a friendship with your previous relationship. If you are still jealous of your ex, it could mean that the relationship between the two of you is still emotionally unresolved.
How to Control Your Jealousy After Breakup: 6 Tips
You want to enjoy your new single life or maybe even put it behind you quickly and not become emotionally dependent on your ex. We’d like to give you six rules on how you can learn to stop being jealous of your ex.
1. Accept the past
You can no longer undo what happened. Accept that your past relationship is now your past. Only by accepting this part of your life story can you establish a healthy relationship with the present and make it easier to stop being jealous of your ex.
2. Stay in control
You must keep your emotions in check. If you find yourself in a situation that makes your ex jealous, keep your feelings to yourself. It is important to avoid openly confronting the other person with your frustration or provoking short-circuit reactions.
3. Don’t pull back to counterattack
Trying to do the same is not advisable in this case. Don’t start making your ex jealous of you. Trying to satisfy someone else is not a good thing for anyone and it won’t change the condition that you’re still jealous of your ex. Also, don’t abuse others to start a revenge campaign. Instead, use your energy for yourself. Good self-esteem does not come from causing harm to others.
4. Don’t make comparisons
You live your own life and not your ex’s. Don’t make comparisons if your ex has a new partner after the relationship. Comparisons only make you feel worse.
5. Break contact if possible
In order to avoid jealousy as much as possible after a breakup, it is advisable to stop contact completely if possible. Delete their phone number and cut your social media connections. In this way, you will no longer be reminded of your past together and you will avoid being jealous of your ex.
Important: if it is clear that there are still children in the game or you have a friendship, it is better to play with open cards. It helps to be honest about your feelings so your ex-partner can deal with them.
6. Focus on yourself
Minimize resentment towards your ex by swimming emotionally free. You can gain self-confidence through appropriate activities such as yoga. Follow your own interests and pursue hobbies that are good for you. But a stronger focus on your professional commitment can also help you forget about private legacies. Focusing on yourself can help you cope better.
Conclusion: Research the causes to stop being jealous of your ex
Jealousy can put you in an endless loop that prevents you from letting go of the past. So, if you find yourself in a situation that makes you jealous of your ex-lover, question your feelings right away. Find out the causes and consider the six tips mentioned above to escape this hamster wheel of negative feelings. Only when the past is over can you optimistically look into the future, start looking for a partner, and find your new happiness.