Creating a hostile environment at home can make everyone uncomfortable and destroy your marriage.
It’s true that both a husband and wife must assume their responsibilities in a marriage, but below you’ll see 9 common mistakes that only women make that can completely destroy a marriage.
When women start having these specific behaviors, they create a hostile environment where no one feels safe or comfortable.
It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness.
So while the list below may seem daunting, keep this list in mind always.
If life is stressful, then work on changing your perception.
You can see peace instead of stress.
You just need a change of mind to find peace in your life.
If you feel unhappy, look for the things that fill you up.
The simplest way is simply to be.
The only person you can change is yourself.
1. Using Hurtful Words Is A Way To Destroy Your Marriage.
Men are physically stronger, but women have a big advantage when it comes to verbal fighting.
On average, women speak almost three times more than men.
The average woman ends the day speaking more than 20,000 words, while her husband, boss, friend, or boyfriend only spoke 7000 words.
Women love to talk and have learned to use words quite effectively.
Women are adept at using the sharpest words to tease, shame, humiliate, demean and belittle men.
Words are like toothpaste.
Once they leave, there is no way to return.
No matter how bad you feel about saying something… the damage has already been done.
All the apologies in the world aren’t going to fix the damage your words made when you were nervous.
Your husband can feel your words for the rest of his life.
Instead of using your words as a weapon, use them as an ointment that heals and comforts, stimulates your husband, and lifts him up.
As grandma always said, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything.”
2. Having Unrealistic Expectations.
Thinking that someone will fill you up and project your unhappiness on him when he doesn’t meet your expectations is a great recipe for destroying your marriage.
If you are unhappy, first take a good look at reality.
You will be happier if you change your expectations and fit the reality of your situation.
Expecting your spouse or children to make you happy is not a realistic expectation.
Imagine if you could only have one friend or one friend for your entire life.
Would this work for you?
Most women have several male and female friends. You probably have a lot of friends… and each of them plays a different role in your life.
Do you have a friend you like to go shopping with, a friend to work out at the gym, and another to have açaí in the late afternoon?
Each person in your life fills a different and important role.
No role is more important than the other, the roles are just different.
If you think your husband will complete you and provide you with eternal happiness, not only are you setting him up for failure, but you are also setting yourself up for big disappointments.
Instead of waiting for one person to fill each of your needs, try expanding your circle of influence to include a variety of people who fill your life with different blessings.
Above all, seek yourself.
Find ways to feel complete and happy with who you are as a person.
First, seek to find your own happiness, within yourself.
Then, instead of looking for someone else to complete you, find ways to complement each other’s lives and vice versa.
3. Exaggerating Sarcasm, Criticism, Gestures, and Facial Expressions.
This is a quick and easy way to show your husband that you don’t respect him and his opinions. Men end up being overwhelmed by the plethora of criticism from their wives.
The consequence is well known: they completely shut down, pull away, and seek kindness and acceptance in other arms.
Have you ever had the experience of having someone belittle what you have to say without even listening to you?
When you criticize too much or are too sarcastic to your husband, he feels attacked and unappreciated.
Listen to him, without adding your opinion at the beginning.
If you want to ask questions, wait for him to stop talking.
Try not to interrupt him with something that happened in your day.
Show that he is, at the moment he is speaking, the center of attention.
Another way to show disrespect is to roll your eyes mockingly or make sarcastic facial expressions.
This is as irritating to your husband as it is to you when your teenage daughter does this.
Being rude is unnecessary, even though you’ve been married for years.
It’s more important to give him your attention, care about him and listen than to make facial expressions to make him feel bad.
One of the goals of marriage is to bond, not destroy the man you love.
4. Criticize him, make fun of him and belittle him to his friends and family.
When you criticize and belittle your husband, you diminish the value and respect you have for him.
You end up forcing people to take sides, and of course, they will choose your side because they want to be loyal to you.
Your friends and family don’t live in your house.
They don’t know what happens every day.
They don’t know the good things your husband does for you and the family.
The only perspective they have of your husband is the perspective you present to them.
If you are constantly badmouthing and belittling him, then they will see your husband as a mean person to you.
After you badmouth him, your friends and family won’t look at your husband with the same eyes.
Even after you get over your dissatisfaction with your husband, and everything is going great in your house, they will still be mad at him.
Your friends and family want to protect you from harm.
If you are constantly talking about your husband from a negative perspective, then they will want to protect you and your children from this monster you married, even if he is not the monster you project.
When you speak ill of your husband, your closest friends will turn irreparably against your husband… and over time, this can destroy your marriage.
He will never understand why his friends don’t like him and why his mother treats him badly.
Instead of making excuses, don’t start down this path.
When you talk about your husband, use words that inspire, abuse praise, and admiration.
If he’s been behaving like an idiot and treating you badly, you don’t need to spread that to everyone you know.
Your constant complaints against them will create a wall between your husband and his friends, and that wall sometimes stands up forever.
5. Disrespect His Opinions And Advice.
Men and women are different in many ways.
Men are problem solvers.
If you present him with a problem, it’s in man’s nature to come back with concrete steps to solve the problem.
If you treat his solution with disdain, you send the message that you don’t value him.
When you raise a problem or concern, be prepared to hear him create a plan of action to resolve your conflict.
It might not be exactly what you would do, but he is offering a solution.
The least you can do is listen to his suggestion, and thank him for his concern.
Before rejecting his idea outright, take the time to consider his opinions.
Think about what he said.
You don’t have to do all the things he suggests, but listen and consider everything.
If you just want to know how to complain, call a friend.
Girlfriends are great listeners.
They won’t try to fix you.
Women like to get all the drama out, without needing to fix it.
Sometimes you just need a friendly ear, not a solution.
If so, your husband may not be the right person to approach.
If it’s absolutely necessary to complain to your husband, tell him beforehand that you’re not expecting a solution from him, you just want someone to vent to.
He’ll still offer suggestions, but if you let him know – before “letting the dogs go” – that you don’t need an answer, that you just want to vent, he won’t be offended when you don’t heed his advice.
Sometimes you might end up surprising him and doing what he suggested.
6. Belittling His Authority While Demanding Full Responsibility from Him.
Every organization needs to have a leader, someone in charge. The head above the entire organization.
Typically, the person who bears the responsibility has to be the person who has the final say.
Family and relationships are similar to an organization in that sense.
You need someone in charge, someone who will take full responsibility when things go wrong, and someone who subordinates can turn to.
You, of course, are entitled to play this role, if you are willing to take full responsibility when things go wrong.
It’s easy to criticize the person in charge, and it’s easy to assume you could do better.
The hard part comes when it’s time to take responsibility.
Instead of making decisions without considering your husband’s opinions and then blaming him when things don’t work out, try working with him.
The two of you can decide together how things should be done, and you can let him have the final say when decisions need to be made.
Don’t get so focused on your own feelings and fears (eg, I’m afraid he’s going to make a bad decision. I feel like I can make better decisions).
Be resilient in the context of the decisions he makes.
You can respectfully disagree with a decision without attacking his ability to lead.
7. Never Be Happy.
One of the quickest ways to wreck your marriage is to spend all your time acting like you’re unhappy.
The purpose of marriage should be peace and happiness.
If your goal is to be happily married, your role is to exercise self-control.
Only you can make yourself happy.
If you believe that your happiness comes from other people or comes from having external things or circumstances, then you will never be happy.
You are in control of your happiness.
That’s a decision.
And you can choose to be a dull, unhappy woman… or you can stand up and be, in your marriage, the person you would like to be.
There is no need to express all bitter, resentful thoughts.
Everyone gets angry and frustrated. It’s nobody’s fault.
You are choosing to react to your circumstances with this behavior.
You can choose a different path.
Every day, work to present the best version of yourself in the relationship.
No matter what happens, you just need a shift in thinking to have peace.
Remind yourself every day that you can see peace instead of frustration.
8. Demoralizes him.
Most men believe their wives are more spiritual and moral than they are.
Generally, the woman agrees to this.
The woman does not see herself as a sinful or immoral person.
The woman usually admits to bad behavior but blames it on hormones or chemical imbalances such as PMS.
Kudos to the husband who dares to suggest changes to improve some aspects of his lovely wife’s life.
The husband is often labeled a heartless, careless person who is silent in front of an angry wife.
The wife, on the other hand, feels entitled to justify and attack all her husband’s faults, amplifying every wrong step he takes and pointing out every failure until he feels humiliated and ashamed to be alive.
Stop trying to correct every little flaw you see in his personality.
Everyone makes mistakes.
You can help it grow or put it in the hole.
The choice is entirely yours.
9. Choosing The Wrong Man.
You repeat the pattern again.
And then it happens again… and again.
You know a man.
Do you like him?
You start dating.
Then you start to notice small defects.
He yells at you, the same way your father yelled.
He drinks and starts to get abusive.
He treats his children badly.
You then say to yourself “no problem… I’ll fix it for him after we’re married”.
There is no concert.
The man you date is going to be the same man after you’re married.
Is he extremely kind? He will continue to be kind.
You cannot change the basic nature of other people.
Love cannot change a person’s behavior.
You can’t put your foot down, complain and criticize until you change him.
If the relationship isn’t healthy while dating, getting married won’t solve anything.
He won’t magically become more responsible, more trustworthy, or love you more after marriage.
If you want a good husband, find a good man, date him, and marry him.
While this list may seem overwhelming, it’s important to remember that the primary goal of marriage should be peace and happiness.
If life is stressful, work on changing your perception.
You can see peace instead of stress.
You just need a shift in thinking to find the guy at the wedding.
If you feel unhappy, go for activities that fill your life.
The simplest way to do something is simply to be.
The only person you can change is yourself.