Drawn from Buddhist teaching, mindfulness is considered to be a gentle therapy that one applies oneself and which consists of the “vigilant awareness of our own thoughts”. Its goal ? Make us feel more at peace with ourselves and better enjoy life. But the benefits would also be felt on our loves. Indeed, allowing us to be less reactive, more empathetic and attentive to each other, our couple would come out happier and more accomplices than ever. Dr. Richard Chambers , psychologist and world renowned expert in the teaching of mindfulness reveals to bodyandsoul , several ways to use mindfulness to improve our life as a couple:
1- Love yourself to love the other better
“The relationship we have with others reflects the relationship we have with ourselves,” says the psychologist. However, caught in the whirlwind of our thoughts and our overloaded lives, we forget to listen to each other. It often happens that we are “critical” and “dismissive” of our own vulnerability. And, we tend to do the same with those around us. Dr. Chambers suggests that we be more intimate and more tolerant of ourselves by being more attentive to our feelings. By doing so, we will more naturally come to act in this way with others, showing more kindness and presence in the face of their vulnerability.
2- Pay attention
Being more attentive to others and communicating better can also help pull the relationship up. However, “to listen attentively, it is really necessary to listen, rather than waiting for our turn to speak or to finish the sentences of others” underlines the expert in full conscience. He added: “It also means being open to what they say, rather than always trying to convince them of our views.” Note also that communication is not only verbal, it is important to pay attention also to “facial expressions and body language”. And for our exchanges to be optimal, we must be vigilant about the words we use and strive to ”
3- Express your needs directly
Now that we have learned to be more intimate with ourselves and to be more attentive to our other half, the time has come to tell them about our needs. “For example, if we feel alone, we need connection – either with ourselves or with each other. Or if we are angry, perhaps our need for security or respect is not not satisfied “notes the specialist. And the best way to get the other to satisfy your needs is to share it gently but explicitly, without suggesting or feeling guilty.
4- Stay focused during love
Throughout the day, we accomplish a lot of things without even thinking about it, our mind already going to the next task that awaits it. And it also happens that we are not 100% present even when we make love , allowing ourselves to be distracted by other thoughts which are not always wildly exciting. However, being fully present during s exual intercourse would increase the pleasure under the quilt as Dr Chambers reminds us: “Conscious love means taking the time to develop the sensations and to understand what it means to be really present with our partner “. And if you don’t know how to go about it, know that “opening your eyes during intercourse” can already be a good start like
