Overcoming emotional dependency can be quite a difficult challenge. But that can be achieved with a series of important steps to follow. Of course you have to understand the cause of it, and how it affects us. In general, certain patterns in childhood can be the cause of this dependence.
Since we are children we grow up with the idea of depending on the person who takes care of us throughout our growth (Parents). Human beings are totally social, needing constant communication with others. And the attachment we feel for others is completely normal, that’s why we create bonds with other people.
When this pattern is repeated in adulthood, attachment to other people is quite painful and difficult to handle, even more so when the person to whom we are attached leaves at any moment.
It is important to know that this bond can be safe or unsafe depending on how the family influenced childhood. If he influenced in a safe way we will create good links. If, on the contrary, in an unsafe way (such as neglect, absence of either parent, abuse, divorce, etc. ). It will be built in a negative way.
It can also be the result of some betrayal or rejection that occurred in adolescence or part of adulthood. What may have caused a mark on the person to want to emotionally depend on someone.
What is emotional dependency
Emotional dependence is a bond where the intense need that one person has for another is created . It basically supports their safety and happiness in the relationship / friendship . This problem can be identified by the following symptoms:
- They are afraid or afraid to be without that person or partner.
- They don’t want to end a relationship that doesn’t really make them happy for fear of being alone .
- They prefer not to share their wants or needs with their partner so as not to upset her.
- They have a lack of self-esteem and self -worth.
Another simple way to identify if we suffer from emotional dependence is by taking a test. It’s practical and can help us get started on this process.
Codependency implies investing all the time, effort and even money in the other person since you do not want them to leave your side for nothing.
How to identify when you have emotional attachment to a person?
It is necessary to know that attachment is something that will always be present in any relationship we have regardless of whether it is loving or not. The problem arises when this attachment becomes pathological and the person idealizes himself in a way that cannot be lived without.
There are several signs that can tell us that we are facing this type of attachment and that it is time to do something about it.
- Thinking that the person is leaving our side generates pain and anxiety.
- We constantly think about the person, where they are, what they do, to the point of interfering with our daily tasks.
- Low self-esteem.
- Feeling that you cannot move on without the presence of the idealized person.
- Presence of fears that are irrational such as that he is leaving and does not return or does not love us.
- A feeling of emptiness that can be filled with the presence of the person in question.
- Loneliness generates terrible fear.
- There is an excessive need to please others.
- High degree of mistrust.
- Disregard for personal needs that are commonly placed below that of others.
Confusion between love and emotional attachment
The emotions within us generate a lot of confusion but something to keep in mind is that love and emotional attachment ARE NOT THE SAME. Starting with the fact that emotional attachment usually hurts, something that love will never generate.
Making this big difference will help you understand when a relationship gets out of love and starts to turn into a problem. Love generates peace in all aspects and if within your relationship you do not feel peace it is because perhaps the emotional attachment is doing its thing.
Remember that when you feel emotional attachment, distrust of your partner begins because of the fear caused by imagining that they leave us, then the desire to control her and her emotions arises . As fear increases, anxiety increases and in turn this obsessive personality begins to irritate the partner who will simply walk away.
How much harm can emotional dependence cause a person?
Emotional dependence shatters the self – esteem of those who suffer from it, apart from developing a cascade of psychological pathologies such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders that can be anorexia or bulimia.
Within the couple relationship there are problems associated with mistrust , jealousy that becomes excessive, constant fights and discussions and breakups.
All this in turn produces physiological symptoms that can affect the gastrointestinal system, which is where the effects of cortisol, caused by stress and anxiety, are mostly reflected.
How do I overcome my emotional dependence on my partner?
It is not ideal to be afraid of losing your partner because you do not feel sure of yourself. For this reason, we will show you a treatment that consists of 10 steps to overcome the emotional codependency of friendship / partner after a breakup or not.
- Recognize the problem ; To start a process you always have to identify yourself in the situation we are in to know how we will deal with it.
- Let go of fear and take action.
- Work on the self-esteem and value that we have as people.
- Do not accept what we do not want.
- Renew beliefs, since we must have them a little bad enough to think that we cannot be alone, when we can.
- Have courage and willpower.
- Be constant and firm in our decision without returning for anything.
- To love in a healthy way, you can investigate which is the appropriate way.
- Don’t set expectations for someone else .
- Seek professional help. Having an expert in the area will be very helpful.
Apart from these 10 steps there are also some tips that you can take into account to continue advancing in the process of healing and detachment for your partner.
Focus attention on you
When you have emotional attachment to your partner, the world revolves around them . This makes you completely forget about yourself and what you want. The process to begin to value yourself and focus on yourself is somewhat difficult due to the long time that has not been done, but you can start with small things that will gradually grow later.
Start by buying things that you like and before you didn’t buy yourself, eat that which has caused you to eat so much, look in the mirror and try new hairstyles and makeup with which you feel comfortable (this will help you to know yourself).
Share with friends and family
Social time is really important, it is a way to oxygenate yourself from the damage and pain caused by emotional attachment to your partner. Discuss different topics, meet new people, discover other ways of thinking, you will see that as time passes, the pain will diminish.
Evaluate what plans you have pending to carry out alone
Many times during the relationship we put off doing things that we would like to do simply because the partner’s wishes seem more important . That is why it is necessary that you evaluate the plans that you have pending to carry out alone and start putting a date of completion.
Focus on work
Work is always going to keep your mind busy, take the opportunity to focus fully on it. It may cost a bit at first because even if you don’t want to think about your partner, you stay present, but the moment you decide to direct your attention at work, even for a short time, a habit will begin to form in you that will give Very good results.
If you had a breakup, don’t think about going back with that person, give yourself time. If he keeps writing or talking to you every day and doesn’t ask you out, he probably just wants to maintain a good friendship relationship, nothing more. Don’t get your hopes up and stop thinking about it. Think more about yourself and your personal improvement.
In this way you will start a better life and you will be able to enjoy a healthy relationship in the future.
