The subject of true love has been debated for centuries. Cynics often swear it doesn’t exist, while desperate romantics think everyone should go in search of their soul mate .
Concerning myself, I had stopped believing in ” The Chosen One “. I had started to think that all the love stories and ridiculous films on the subject were nothing but a honeyed and improbable conception of love. When I think about it, my vision for the future was to work long hours and when I got home, to be greeted by my two cats. I swore by frozen foods and their ease of use, the bed for me alone was a divine pleasure and not having to debate for hours on which film to watch a treat. I had resigned myself.
And today, my faith, I must admit that my life has changed. I met someone with whom I like to share my bed, even if that someone snores louder than a plane about to take off; I love to cook with him (frozen or not!) and I love to hear him tell me about his day, my two cats curled up against me. Movies ? The very ones I once hated have become our classics to watch together. I have learned to appreciate all these things because of the unconditional love my companion brings me.
Love with a capital “A”
There is a real difference between being with someone and being with the man in your life. Some men make you feel alone, even as a couple, while “the good” will gradually make you forget this unpleasant feeling that no one wants to experience. This man will fill you with energy, from getting up until 4 am if necessary; will make you laugh out loud; almost making you both sick because of your stupid bet on who will eat the most cookies in 5 minutes; will also be the person who will be there for you when you fall, literally as metaphorically.
The essence of true love lies in unwavering tenderness and dedication
In essence, true love will often manifest itself in unwavering, unbreakable and unprecedented tenderness and devotion. You will care about your half unconditionally. In other words, whatever events may happen to you, whether good or bad, you will sincerely support and care for this person . Unconditional love is at the very heart of what true love is.
However, we can show intense and strong feelings of affection towards our partner without that implying that he is the true, the only one. So how do you know? How to tell the difference between true love and the fantasy of it?
Here are some things to think about.
Be open and not be defensive versus angry at the slightest comment
To maintain proximity, the couple must open up to each other, which means being ready to hear each other’s comments, without being defensive or not very open to discussion. Couples are advised to look for the core of truth in what their partner is saying because this truth can offer an important clue to how we sometimes push our other half away without realizing it. Even if we don’t agree with everything, listening to our partner naturally makes him feel heard, respected and taken into consideration. On the other hand, punishing our partner for being honest and direct with us will close this communication, which is so important.
Trying new things to avoid routine versus indulging in your habits
A relationship develops when the two people are in contact with the living, open and vulnerable side of themselves, when they are ready to try new experiences. We don’t have to like and participate in everything that our partner appreciates, of course, but sharing new activities, visiting new places and breaking the routine often offers a breath of fresh air.
Honesty and integrity versus deceit and slyness
Telling the truth is one of the first life lessons that most of us learn as children. However, once adults, we will not hesitate to lie, even to our loved ones. The problem is that when we are dishonest with our partner, we weaken the relationship. Trusting and allowing yourself the right to be vulnerable can only be done if you are honest with yourself and the other.
Respect for the limits, priorities and objectives of the other versus exceeding the limits
To avoid creating a false love, we must see the other person as separate from us. It means respecting him as a unique and independent individual. Often, couples tend to take on roles or play games of domination and power. It can be when we tell the other person how he should be, what he should do, or when we pass judgment on him. The error is to treat your chosen one as an extension of yourselves rather than as a human being in their own right and different from you.
Tenderness and assumed s exuality versus lack of affection and inadequate, impersonal or routine s exuality
Affection is a huge part of how we express our love. When we cut ourselves off from our emotional side, we tend to throw a chill on the relationship. This weakens the spark between us and our partner and s exuality may then become routine or impersonal. This will result in a feeling of distance and satisfaction in free fall. Keeping love alive means staying in touch with a part of ourselves, that which desires physical contact and is ready to give as much as to receive these gestures of affection.
Understanding versus misunderstanding
It is easy to project ourselves on our partner or to misunderstand what he said, later using his words with the childish idea of hurting him as he hurt us beforehand. We can also easily stay stubborn and not listen to what he has to say to us. What you have to understand and accept is that even if you are a couple, you are two individuals, with your own experiences and subtleties and that there will always be times when you will not agree. with the other. This is why it is important to try to really understand what your partner is trying to tell you. When you feel heard and understood, it is much easier to calm down and also listen to the other person’s point of view.
Keep a mutual and sincere connection
You could also say of true love that it offers a deep emotional and physical connection, to the point that imagining life without your companion will become impossible for you. If making that person happy makes you happy in return, if surprising or responding positively to their favors gives you a whiff of joy and if it is all done in a mutual feeling of sharing, good news, there is a good chance that you have found true love.
With him, you form a team. You are fully committed and dedicated to each other . With true love, you and your partner work together as one cell for the sole purpose of mutually enriching each other’s lives. And rather than behaving selfishly, you think in terms of “we” and not “me”. When it comes to true love, your partner is really your teammate.
True love starts with yourself
The most important thing in this search for love is to understand that it begins with you: you can only find it and live it in full if you truly love yourself. Here are some questions to ask yourself before you start looking for love:
- Can you be happy and can you live alone?
- Do you respect yourself? Can you stay true to your personal beliefs and values? Are you willing to disagree with someone, even if they are important to you, in order to stay true to what you believe?
- Are you sure of yourself? Can you defend yourself and ask clearly what you want?
If the answer to these questions is “yes” then get started! And don’t forget to cherish this love when you find it!