Why does he write to me and then not answer me? The 14 possible reasons

Receiving a new text message always gives you a great feeling.

Whether it’s a vibration, bubble sound or techno beat, the notification is sure to catch your eye. It might even get you a little emotional.

Then, when you see who sent it, there are a variety of possible reactions: boredom, annoyance, excitement, anger, happiness, laughter, etc.

However, there is one type of text that mostly causes confusion.

That’s a text message from a guy who seems to be interested in you and after you reply, he doesn’t reply to you anymore.

Trust me, I know all too well how frustrating this can be.

You see the two ticks in blue and you don’t know what to think. This can drive a girl crazy (and not in a good way!)

You wonder: Why does he text me and then not reply?

To help you answer this question, I will leave you with a list of 14 reasons why you can do this.

These answers may not be what you expected, but they will clear up your confusion.

Plus, they’ll make the next text he sends you a lot less stressful.

14 reasons why a guy texts you and then doesn’t reply

1) You are confused about what you want

Men can be complicated creatures.

This guy texting and then not responding to you may not know what he wants. He may be very confused.

He feels the desire to get closer and connect with you, but he is not sure how attracted he is to you. Or maybe he is not really interested in a romantic relationship with you.

He could be shy or uncomfortable and worried about losing you as a friend.

He may also really enjoy texting you, even though he’s also not sure what he wants to get out of it.

2) He just broke up with a relationship and is suffering

Even if he’s flirting, a guy who just ended a relationship isn’t ready for anything serious.

Basically, he is trying to distract himself, texting you or having fun, talking to you. But he doesn’t take this too seriously.

This is not necessarily a bad thing and could lead to interesting conversations and interactions. But he may not pay constant attention to your conversations. He may be late in replying to many of the messages or not at all.

The important thing here is that you make sure you view the situation realistically.

If he just broke up, he’s not in a position to form a commitment to someone right away.

If you like this guy, you better not get your hopes up. In the long run you might realize that he can’t reciprocate, as you’re hoping.

3) You are their backup option

You’re not going to like this, but sometimes direct honesty is best.

Do you wonder why a man texts you and then doesn’t reply?

The answer could be that you are their second choice.

Some guys are quite strategic and always want to have any situation covered.

It could be that he texts you to make you available, if he can’t match up with other options.

One of the typical signs that the above is happening is if a guy sends you a couple of text messages and after a while he no longer responds to you.

One of their first options has said yes and you, meanwhile, are waiting.

4) He expects you to be the superstar of his friends

This guy considers you a very good friend.

So his inconsistency in texting may be a sign that he expects you to put up with any interruption in his conversations.

If he’s sending you mixed signals, and making you feel bad and confused, you better let him know.

You can also directly tell him that you’re looking for more than just friendship, if you feel comfortable with this.

Or it may be that you don’t want him to know about your feelings yet.

So let him know that you’re not up for games and that if he has a conversation, he can’t leave you unanswered.

Be direct with this boy, you will see that he is the best option.

If you don’t feel comfortable in any kind of situation, you have every right to tell him.

5) He’s just flirting for fun

As much as flirting can be meaningful, it can also be just for fun.

This guy who wants to be your friend might text you a little flirty, just because he enjoys it.

Then, he finds something else interesting to do and sets you aside. That easy.

He’s not looking to text to date you or cheat on his partner, if he has one.

He just wants to send you fun and chatty text messages and enjoy his day, while being presented with nothing better to do.

This can end up seeming a bit frivolous. So you have to analyze, how much free time and patience you have, and also how much you enjoy texting.

6) He loves to grab your attention

Some guys are emotionally unavailable or immature.

They just crave attention and want to hog it at all times. They need to be the center of attention and they expect you to be there to provide it. That’s why he sends you messages and then nothing. He wants you to be constantly aware of him and he believes that he can achieve it, if he does not answer your messages right away.

So text, chat, gossip, and do whatever else it takes to keep your excitement going. And then it puts you on pause.

If this is you, then it’s not about him using you as the center of attention and facilitator of the drama.

This is a way of acting that I would stay away from, if I were you.

7) He doesn’t like you, but he feels lonely

Loneliness is a big problem, even for many young people.

When you feel alone, what is the first thing you do?

For many of us it’s simple: we grab the phone and start typing.

He is no different. And when he texts you because of his loneliness, it’s not that he loves you more than a friend.

It is just that he is reaching out in the dark, to make contact with another human being. Even if it’s just virtually. And then maybe he gets distracted by something else and stops talking to you.

It can also happen that he feels sad about being alone and after having sent you a message, he stops feeling like talking. Disconnects due to being depressed or distressed.

For these situations, the best thing you can do, if you really want it, either as a friend or for something else, is not to get angry.

Let some time pass and then call him to see how he is. You will see that with this you can surely cheer him up and he will thank you.

8) He wants you on his list of casual girls

He wants to put you on his trophy list, where he places girls he only has slept with.

If you play along with him, then he understands that you are okay with it.

He thinks that, being a relationship without commitment, he can answer your messages when he wants or suits him.

It can happen that he writes to several girls at the same time and the first one he agrees with is the one he stays with. The others, then, do not get an answer and think that they do not have to be offended by this.

So, think carefully if you want to have this kind of relationship. Unless this is something you feel comfortable with, it’s best to disappear and avoid responding to his texts.

These kinds of guys often seem charming. They will send you mixed signals, playing games with you and telling you that they just want you to be their friend. But later they will text you saying they want something else.

This can become an exhausting game. So think it over and make sure you want to play, before you start.

9) He is just too bored

This enigmatic boy, who usually sends you messages and does not answer, can be extremely bored.

He has your number among many other contacts.

So, when you feel bored, you scroll down the list, to send greetings, jokes, and comments to various of these. He just wants to start talking to someone and tries some of the people he knows.

He’s trying to make small talk, just to pass the time.

You may just want to talk to people, because you feel like you have nothing better to do.

So, if you’re wondering why he writes to me and then doesn’t answer me? This may be a possible reason.

10) It’s just to boost your ego

This guy can be very insecure and likes to boost his ego by talking to you, a pretty and smart girl.

He wants people to know that he’s cool and attractive enough to chat with someone of your caliber.

I guess it’s fair to say you should be flattered.

But I don’t blame you, if you also resent being used only to gain popularity in a superficial way.

He is not really interested in you, he just wants to gain self-confidence and is using you as a means to do so.

I don’t blame you if you have mixed feelings about it. It’s best if you don’t answer him and sort out his internal affairs himself.

11) He is unstable

Keep in mind that if he seems to be a bit toxic and psychotic… it could be because that is exactly what he is.

I’m not saying he’s going to sneak in your window late at night. But he might do things that might be unpleasant or mortifying.

If a guy says he just wants to be friends with you, but all of a sudden he sends you tons of weird text messages and then doesn’t reply, you should be wary.

All the more so if you just met him or he writes to you late at night.

If it really bothers you or scares you, stop any type of interaction with him, until he gets tired and disappears from your life.

12) He is addicted to the chase

This is one of those problems that people generally think only teenagers or young men get caught up in.

But in reality, some grown men end up stuck with it their whole lives.

They get addicted to chasing, and they can’t stop.

They may tell you that they just want you to be their friend. But what they really want is to seduce you, without being honest about their true intentions.

What they want is to get your attention by sending text messages and then not responding to you. The same will happen, if he manages to take you to the room. He’ll stop talking to you the next day.

All he wants is to sleep with you, and when he gets it, he goes looking for his next prey.

The man addicted to the chase can be a heartbreaker, so be very careful and alert.

13) He likes to play mind games

This is related to the kind of guy who is bored or lonely, but with a crueler twist.

He likes to play mind games with the most innocent women.

And maybe he’s trying to do it with you through his phone.

He says he just wants to be friends. Then she texts you every day, starts bringing up personal topics, and suddenly disappears. She then she comes back and starts the circle again.

He may behave this way because he feels that he is in control of the situation and this makes him feel good. But this is not healthy for either party.

Think carefully if you want to play this game, because you are simply that for him: a game.

14) He likes your friend

This point may seem a bit ridiculous and immature. But it happens.

Sometimes when a guy is interested in your friend, but isn’t really sure how to get into her life, he may strike up a friendship with you, to get to her.

Think of you as a direct connection or an involuntary cupid, of that girl he wants.

She texts you to try to make you her best friend.

But he stops talking to you at any time, making his behavior inconsistent. She is only interested in getting you to finally present her with the true object of her desire: your friend.

So what the f… do you want?

At the end of the day, knowing what this guy really wants is something only you can find out.

One way is to simply ask him, if it’s not too awkward for you.

Another is to analyze the conversation topics you want to talk about and the tone of your text messages.

Does he flirt with you, is he bored, wants to vent, is he happy, wants to share jokes, worried about you, needs advice?

And if it turns out that even he doesn’t quite know what he wants, then you have to decide if you want to get caught up in that drama and the lack of certainty in his life. Or if you prefer to walk away, to go in search of true love and intimacy.

If you’re okay with being open, then it could work and become fun.

What can you do?

If you are really interested in this guy and want to get your relationship more serious, there is something else you can do. It’s a foolproof way to truly draw him to you.

It has to do with something called hero instinct. Currently, this concept is generating a lot of commotion in the world of psychology.

Furthermore, relationship expert James Bauer says that if you can tap into this instinct, your relationship will be turned upside down.

So what is the hero instinct?

In short, the hero instinct is a primal drive in men, linked to an ancient need to protect and provide for the woman he loves and her family.

The good news is that you can text or say things, which can trigger this natural male instinct in him.